Crossroads (2002)

Britney Spears! It's a name that will always get a mixed reaction. There are die hard Britney Spears fans that think she is one of the greatest performers of all time. Then there are people that think Britney Spears is the death of music itself. I believe most of her music is bad, but at the same time it's no worse than that of the many teen idols that flooded the music scene in the early 1960s and late 1980s.  Try listening to Frankie Avalon's "Venus," if you don't believe me. And who can ever forget Tiffany's painful cover of the Tommy James classic "I Think We're Alone Now?"  God knows I've tried!  Plus, every once in a blue moon Britney Spears releases a decent, if not good song. I have a fondness for "I'm a Slave 4 U," "Toxic," and "I've Just Begun (Having My Fun)." Some of my more artistic minded friends will probably brand me a traitor.... oh well, so be it! I didn't say she was great, I just don't believe she's the Anti-Christ of the Music Industry. Chill!

November 1998 - the video for "Baby One More Time" premieres on MTV, thus beginning America's long love/hate relationship with Britney Spears. The video is controversial, because the teenage Spears dons a sexy school girl outfit, while prancing about the high school hallways. Parents are appalled as to what horrible influence this might have on their impressionable daughters, but soon the outrage dies down. It is this video and the controversy that surrounds it the propels Britney Spears into super stardom. One has to wonder: If the video for "Baby One More Time" would have been less eye catching, would Britney Spears have a career. Let's say the instead of prancing about in a skimpy school girl outfit, the video consisted of her singing to a picture of her boyfriend, would it have found an audience? It was the crucial stepping stone in her rise to celebrity. It's an example of being at the right place at the right time. To Spears' credit, she's made the most of her opportunity.

Sept. 6, 2000 -  Britney Spears does a minor striptease on the 2000 MTV Video Music Awards, while desecrating the Rolling Stones classic "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." Once again parents are outraged, but the furor dies down just as soon as it started. Practically everyone is convinced that in a year, Miss Spears will be completely forgotten...doomed to wander the earth in complete obscurity. Meanwhile, Hollywood hopes to cash in on the craze by making a Britney Spears movie. It worked with The Beatles, therefore it sure as hell is going to work with Britney Spears. Of course, many other recording artists have also attempted the transition to the big screen and failed horribly: Vanilla Ice, the Spice Girls, and Mariah Carey come to mind.

Nonetheless on February 15, 2002, Crossroads was unleashed on the movie going public. In a way it seems unfair to openly criticize a film that is targeted for a specific audience: teenaged girls. It's not like director Tamra Davis and screenwriter Shonda Rimes were setting out to make a critically acclaimed work of art, no, they just wanted to make a film that would entertain Britney Spears' fan base. Can you really criticize a film with such low aims? Of course, you can. While Crossroads may have been made for teenaged girls, it has a sleazy, Ephebophiliac (my big word for this review) under current about it. The first time the audience is introduced to Britney Spears onscreen she is dancing around in her underwear, singing a long to the Madonna song "Open Your Heart." She prances about her bedroom, shaking her booty for all her adoring fans to see. Granted, compared to some of her later videos, this is pretty tame. She puts on a pair of sweat pants and continues with her singing, only to have her dad barge in on her, reminding her she has to get ready for her high school graduation.

Her dad is played by none other than DAN AYKROYD!!! What movie God did Aykroyd piss off that he's relegated to playing second fiddle to a pop star? This is the guy responsible for two of my favorite movies, The Blues Brothers and Ghostbusters, was one of the original cast members of "Saturday Day Night Live" and here he is slumming it in a Britney Spears vehicle. He is clearly a talented individual, yet somehow hasn't landed a decent gig since the early 90s. It's a depressing sight, indeed!  He deserves so much better!

In defense of the film, this scene does have an actual function; it reveals Lucy's secret ambition in life. She's been a straight A student her entire life and has done everything her dad has told her to do, but her dream is to be a singer/songwriter. The only time she can enact this dream is in the privacy of her bedroom, thus it completely takes her off guard when her dad busts in on her in an extremely vulnerable state. It also showcases her vocal "talents," so that later on in the film when she does a karaoke rendition of "I Love Rock N' Roll," the audience won't be confused at how she has inexplicably become a good singer. The debate as to whether or not Britney Spears is a talented singer still rages on to this very day.

Britney Spears does have an odd likability about her. She can't act worth a darn, her line delivery is especially stilted, but she does have a pleasant enough personality that you don't cringe when she's onscreen. She's also fairly adept at playing comedy, her appearances on "Saturday Night Live" and "How I Met Your Mother" attest to that, therefore it's a shame that she's burdened with a script that has the stench of a TV movie of the week.  It wants to tackle serious issues: the right time to lose one's virginity, child abandonment, teen pregnancy, and rape. Yet, it strives to be a light hearted adventure as well...often in the same scene. When Britney Spears fans flocked to the theaters to see Crossroads, little did the realize that they would be forced to endure a high school assembly, Hollywood style. The only thing missing is scene in which Lucy smokes pot.

However, the film's biggest flaw is that Lucy is not a particularly interesting character. This is not the fault of Spears, even a more accomplished actress, like Natalie Portman, would struggle to breathe life into such a one dimensional character. Lucy is, like Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way." Her main flaw is her timid nature, but she overcomes that hurdle rather quickly in the narrative. Hell, by mid film she's on stage, strutting her stuff at a karaoke bar. She's never wrong about ANYTHING, even her impulsive actions prove to be the correct decisions; she goes on a road trip with her friends, without her father's permission, and is rewarded with a recording contract by movie's end. She puts her complete trust in a total stranger, Ben, and finds the love of her life. Her only misstep (and this arguable) is when she visits her estranged mom and is given the cold shoulder. However, this encounter makes her a stronger person and it allows for her to close that chapter in her life. She's met her mom, is completely unimpressed, and can now focus on her future without interruption.

Lucy is the class valedictorian and more importantly, at least from the film's stand point, a virgin. She's an extremely good girl and, in a Hollywood sense, kind of a nerd. Despite looking like Britney Spears, she can't peak the interest of any males in the high school, except for her geeky lab partner Henry (Justin Long). Henry and Lucy have made a pact that if neither had been laid by the time of graduation, they would lose their virginity to one another. Naturally, Henry is stoked that he's about to score with Britney Spears..

.. I mean Lucy Wagner. Later on, Henry is lying in a hotel bed and Lucy emerges from the bathroom, wearing a tuxedo jacket. Marvin Gaye's "Lets Get It On" blares in the background. She then loses the jacket to reveal that she's wearing sexy pink, lacy underwear.

She climbs into bed with him and it looks Henry will become a MAN. But...in one of the worst cock teases in cinema history...Lucy has second thoughts and tells Henry she wants her first time to be special. She climbs out of bed  and he is borderline suicidal. He pleads with her to have a heart, but to no avail.He rose so high, only to fall so far! Poor Henry! Imagine if you are parent and you are taking your  pre-teen daughter to see this movie, what is your reaction when this scene pops up? If you were a teenaged boy when this film was released, this was one of the finest moments of your adolescent life. Britney Spears is hot, man! MOST males will probably enjoy the scenes in which Britney Spears prances about in skimpy outfits and, brother, there are plenty of those. If you were a teenaged girl in the audience when this film was released, your consolation prize was Justin Long in his boxers. Alright!

When Lucy was little she buried a time capsule with her two friends, Kit and Mimi, and they vowed to dig it up on their high school graduation, promising to be best friends forever! This, however, didn't happen and over the years the three of them grew apart: Lucy is a honor roll student, Kit is focused primarily on her popularity, and Mimi is a true outsider, she is pregnant. However, despite their initial reluctance, the three of them meet up and open the time capsule. They reconnect over the wishes they shared while burying it; Lucy wanted to see her mother, Kit wanted to be married, and Mimi wanted to travel to California. Mimi then mentions that she's going to Los Angeles for a record contract audition and suggests the two of them should tag a long with her. They happily agree; on the way, Lucy can visit her mom in Tuscon, Arizona and Kit can see her fiance living in Los Angeles. It's a win win situation for everyone! Or so they think!

Accompanying them on their journey is Ben, the owner of the 1969 Buick Skylark that will be taking them to their destination. Ben is something of an enigma at first and the girls are constantly at odds with him, it doesn't help that they blare horrible pop music on his radio.

For the males in the audience, this is when Crossroads turns into a full fledged horror film. We can easily relate to the pain Ben must feel as he is forced to share a car with three loud and annoying females. It is a fate worse than death! Ben, however, is a trooper and later gets rewarded for his bravery: he gets laid. He is Lucy's special someone. Oh, it should be noted that Lucy is making this trek across the country without the permission of her dad, instead she leaves him a note. He is overprotective of his little angel and would never allow her to make such a trip, especially if he knew there was a man involved. I say man, because Ben has clearly been around.

BUT WHAT'S THIS?! The car has broken down! And the girls don't have enough money to fix it! Well, it looks like this trip has come to a dead end. Or has it? For just around the corner is a karaoke bar....NOT JUST ANY KARAOKE BAR! For at this bar the the patrons give tips to good singers. The owner passes around a tip jar and the customers mindlessly drop their hard earned cash into it. It's a cinch! Mimi will get up on stage and regale the customers with her amazing vocals, while Kit and Lucy will be back up singers. It can not fail! The girls don some skimpy outfits (who is this film's target audience, again?) and are ready to amaze the world. OH NO! Mimi has developed stage fright and can't go on. On top of that some insensitive jerk in the audience heckles her for being pregnant. Lucy bears the burden on her shoulders and takes over vocal duty, she struggles at first, but then finds her confidence and floors the patrons with her rendition of the Joan Jett classic, "I Love Rock N' Roll!" A star is born. Meanwhile, Joan Jett is reduced to tears, listening to her song get murdered in such a brutal fashion.

The tips are more than enough to fix the car and the gang rolls merrily on their way to their next adventure.

I saw this movie with my friends at North Shore Cinema (we made it a point to see every bad movie) and after the "I Love Rock N' Roll" number ended, we started to applaud in an extremely mocking manner. Much to our delight, the Britney Spears fans in the audience joined in on the applause as well, but for an extremely different reason. Both of sides of the fence had been stunned by what they had just witnessed.
And the question you're probably asking is, "Why did you spend valuable money on a Britney Spears movie?" The answer: I didn't. I worked at North Shore at the time (as did my friends), so we saw it for free.

 A few revelations are made during the girl's trip across the States:

1) Mimi got pregnant after a guy got her drunk and raped her at a party. Mimi doesn't reveal too much about the guy, except that he was holding a BLUE BEER BOTTLE! I wonder if this will come into play later on in the film.

2) Lucy reveals her singer/songwriter ambitions to Ben. She's working on a song and reads it aloud to Ben, who then sets it to music on a conveniently nearby piano. The name of the song, "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman." (It should be noted that most of the songwriters on Britney Spears' songs at this time were men in their late 20s/early 30s. If that isn't creepy, then I don't know what is.)

3) Ben, despite his gruff exterior, is really a nice guy once you get to know him. Lucy and him form a strong bond, despite the fact that she is just barely out of high school and he is pushing thirty.

4) Lucy finally meets her mother, Caroline (Kim Cattrall), who abandoned her when he was a still a toddler. Caroline is less than pleased to see Lucy. She remarried and has two sons. Then, off screen, it is revealed that Caroline never wanted Lucy and that she was mistake. Lucy, naturally, breaks down in tears as Ben comforts her in the motel bathroom.

The gang finally arrives in L.A. and Kit decides to surprise her fiance, Dylan, and takes Mimi along with her. Kit is absolutely ecstatic to see him, while Dylan is less than thrilled to see her, Mimi on the other hand is curiously silent. Dylan has been unfaithful to Kit and has another woman in the apartment, but more importantly, he is holding a BLUE BEER BOTTLE! Kit puts two and two together and punches him. Mimi gets scared, runs away and manages fall down a flight of stairs, losing her baby in the process. Meanwhile, Lucy loses her virginity to Ben. It's a truly special moment!

And it needs to be asked again: What target audience is this film geared towards? It's attitude towards sex is even more perplexing. Mimi has lived a wild life and as a result got raped and pregnant for her efforts. Kit is engaged to Dylan, who is a shallow dip shit, so it can be assumed that she lost her virginity sometime ago.  LOOK WHAT HAPPENS...her fiance is a two timing scum bug and a rapist to boot. The trip is total disaster for these two. Lucy, on the other hand, rejects her first opportunity for sex and as a result, she ends up with a stud like Ben AND recording contract by film's end. Lucy's special someone is a drifter (pushing thirty) that she just met a few days ago with nothing to his name except an old car.  But, hey, it's OK, that contract will make her rich and famous, so money is no longer an issue. I'm probably over thinking this movie just a tad bit, but I can't help it. Back to the story, already in progress.

Lucy finds out about Mimi and goes to the hospital to visit her. There is a lot of hugging and female bonding, thus ensuring the audience that everything will be okay. Lucy's dad arrives and wants to take her home, but she stands up to him. She tells him her dream and goes to the record contract audition, despite his reservations. She performs "I'm Not  A Girl, Not Yet a Woman" in front of the record execs and is given a standing ovation, even her disapproving dad claps. She has realized her dream, while Kit and Mimi are content with being her back ups. The film ends with the girls burying another time capsule and goofing about as they walk away from it.

If this film was tailored to showcase the many talents of Britney Spears, then it is a horrible failure. Shouldn't a film geared for a certain fan base strive to entertain it's audience, rather than depress it? Sure, things work out well for Lucy, but Kit and Mimi's lives go to absolute shit! It's a film more suitable to middle aged housewives, than perky teenaged girls. What makes A Hard Day's Night a classic film (other than the fact that Beatles are infinitely more talented Britney Spears) is that it is essentially about nothing. It doesn't tackle important issues or serve up some heavy handed message; it merely asks the audience to observe the Beatles  and draw up their own conclusions. It also helps that the Beatles were paired with an extremely gifted director, Richard Lester. Unfortunately, Tamra Davis is no Richard Lester.  But then again, Britney Spears is no John Lennon, nor Ringo Starr for that matter.

While Crossroads was a modest hit at the box office (it cost 10 million to make, grossed 60 million worldwide), it didn't help Spears movie aspirations, either. She hasn't starred in a movie ever since. On the other hand, it certainly didn't hurt Spears' co-stars; Zoe Saldana has gone on to a fairly successful acting career, co-starring in James Cameron's Avatar and J.J. Abrams Star Trek movies. Sadly, it couldn't jump start Dan Aykroyd's declining movie career, it has gotten so bad that he's been reduced to selling vodka in  crystal skull shaped bottles. Poor guy!  He deserves so much better!

Cast: Britney Spears (Lucy Wagner), Zoe Saldana (Kit), Taryn Manning (Mimi), Anson Mount (Ben), Dan Aykroyd (Peter Wagner), Kim Cattrall (Caroline), Justin Long (Henry).
Director: Tamra Davis
Writer: Shonda Rimes
Running Time: 93 min.

Doctor Who: The Chase (May 22, 1965 - June 26, 1965)

The world of Doctor Who has been and always will be a mixed bag, one story can amaze you with it's creativity and intelligent writing, the next can bore you to tears with it's laziness. There are undisputed masterpieces from both eras of Doctor Who, then there are the complete duds, ones that you would like to forget about. Then there are stories like The Chase which leaves you scratching your head, wondering what in the hell it is you are watching. The Chase is a six part serial from the second season of Doctor Who, it was also the season finale which saw the departure of longtime companions, Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright. It's hard to describe The Chase, because while it isn't particularly good, it's also extremely hard to dislike, because it's an extremely ridiculous story, punctuated by bumbling Daleks, a pit stop on top of The Empire State Building, a misadventure inside a carnival horror house, and a robot duplicate of the Doctor. It's borderline surreal at times, the most memorable moment being a long shot of a Dalek slowly emerging from the sand on a desert planet (populated by reptilian like people).

The plot is fairly simple: The Daleks chase the Doctor and his companions throughout time and space. The Chase came early in the evolution of Doctor Who; at this point very little of the mythology had been set. It wouldn't be established until The Tenth Planet that the Doctor could regenerate and it wasn't until The War Games that it was revealed which alien civilization that Doctor hailed from; in The Chase the Daleks refer to him as being a human. The TARDIS is supposed to be Time Lord technology, but the Daleks time machine is exactly like the Doctor's, bigger on the inside. At one point the Doctor implies that he built the TARDIS, whereas in The War Games he tells Jamie and Zoe that he stole it.

However, other than the Doctor and the TARDIS, there was one point of the mythology that had been established, the leaving of the companions. In Dalek Invasion of the Earth, The Doctor's granddaughter Susan falls in love with a future resistance fighter and The Doctor leaves her behind, so she can pursue a life of happiness. Enter Vicki, who is an often overlooked companion, but a noteworthy one as she was the first of many change ups in the TARDIS line up. Vicki, in many ways, was exactly like the Doctor, in that she was a loner that had been separated from her family; she was in a space crash that claimed the life of her father. The Doctor and her hit off from the get go and she became a surrogate granddaughter to him. I rather like the relationship between the Doctor and Vicki, because it allowed the Doctor to show his more gentler side. Susan was his granddaughter, but Vicki was a complete stranger whom he took under his wing. Vicki was also a far more livelier companion than Susan; at one point in The Chase she begins to imitate the voice of a Mechonoid (a robot race that lives on the planet Mechanus), much to the annoyance of Barbara.

Ian and Barbara probably belong in the "TOP 5 COMPANIONS" list, because their relationship with the Doctor grew as the series progressed. Initially, there were unwanted travelers on the TARDIS and the Doctor had an antagonistic attitude towards them. Yet, eventually the Doctor's attitude began to mellow and eventually they wound up the best of friends. It's no wonder the Doctor is at first reluctant to help them when they ask him how to operate the Daleks' time machine to get back to their own time. The Doctor claims he doesn't want to "abet in suicide," but secretly he doesn't want to see his two best friends leave him. After Vicki pleads with, the Doctor acquiesces and shows them how to work the Dalek's time machine. The scenes with Ian and Barbara running amuk London are the best in the entire serial, this could be largely due to the fact that were directed by Douglas Camfield, one of Doctor Who's best directors. They pack an emotional wallop and are extremely bittersweet in their execution. Ian and Barbara are home, but there adventures in the TARDIS have come to an end. The Doctor confides to Vicki that he will miss them. It's a strong ending to a fairly contrived story.

The first episode of the saga ("The Executioners") sets the tone for the insanity that is about to ensue. The Doctor and company are aboard the TARDIS, Ian's reading book, Barbara's making a dress, and Vicki is getting in the way. The Doctor calls them over to have a look at his Time Space Visualiser, which is essentially a "Time Television."

The Doctor has each of the companions choose a historical event they want to watch; Ian chooses Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address, Barbara picks William Shakespeare visiting Queen Elizabeth, and Vicki delights over The Beatles singing "Ticket To Ride" on Top of the Pops. Barbara is surprised that Vicki, being from the distant future, knows of The Beatles. Vicki, in a bit of prophecy, responds that she's been to The Beatles Museum many times. She thinks they are fantastic, but didn't know their music was "classical." The perplexes Barbara, but Ian moves things forward by suggest music styles change over the years. This sequences up about rough ten minutes of screen time and has practically no narrative value. The Time Space Visualiser does comes into play later in the episode, but the rest of it is just filler.

Finally, the TARDIS has landed, on the desert planet Aridius, and the crew go on their merry way, forgetting to turn off  the Time Space Visualiser. Vicki wants to go off exploring and Ian goes along with her, while Barbara and the Doctor soak up some sun. Barbara, distracted by the humming coming from the Time Space Visualiser, goes inside the TARDIS to turn it off, only to stumble across a "broadcast" of the Daleks. She calls the Doctor and together they learn about the Daleks' plan to chase them throughout the Galaxy and exterminate them.  Yes, it's through sheer happenstance that the Doctor discovers the Daleks' diabolical plan. Granted, Doctor Who has always been contrived, but this is just too much to accept. The Doctor's survival is dependent upon a Time Television accidentally being left on. The Doctor deduces that since the Time Space Visualiser can only pick up events from the past that means the Daleks must have already landed on the planet Aridius. The two of them go to gather Vicki and Ian, only to get lost in a sandstorm. Aridius has two suns and the climate changes rapidly, the sandstorm lasts for only a few seconds, but in that time the TARDIS has been buried. For an episode that is set on an expansive desert planet, it's pretty claustrophobic; at one point Ian and Vicki cast shadows on the painted back drop. It's only too obvious this was shot in a studio, a small one at that. Of course, this was standard for many of old Doctor Who episodes.
Meanwhile, Vicki and Ian have come across a trap door which leads into a cavern beneath the sand. They go down to investigate and the door closes behind them. THEY ARE TRAPPED. Just when things can't get any worse, a tentacled beast starts crawling towards them. Is it the end of Vicki and Ian?
Cut to the Doctor and Barbara still wandering through the desert. The Doctor tells Barbara to get down and, to their complete horror, a Dalek slowly starts to emerge from the sand.

This bit is lifted from the serial Dalek Invasion of Earth, in which one of the cliffhangers consisted of a Dalek slowly emerging from the Thames river.  END OF PART ONE!

Episode Two ("The Death of Time") is the weakest part of The Chase, in large part due to the overall cheapness of the production. The classic Doctor Who always had fairly poor production values, but even by the low standards of 1960s BBC television, they are extremely bad in this episode. How bad are they? Well, I've seen high school plays with better production values.  The most problematic aspect of the episode is the Aridians, a reptilian like species that live underground. What's so bad about that, you ask? Well, just take a look at them:

Yup, they are indeed men in leotards with scales glued onto them and are wearing fin-like helmets. It's a complete credit to William Hartnell that he is able to deliver his lines in a completely straight and sincere manner, despite the silliness that is constantly staring him in the face. The Aridians mortal enemies are the Mire Beasts, which look like this:

The Aridians find the Doctor and Barbara in the desert and give them shelter and food. Meanwhile, Vicki and Ian have successfully eluded one of the Mire Beasts, but are still lost in the underground tunnels. The Aridians hope to contain the Mire Beasts by blowing up their underground strongholds, Vicki and Ian get caught in the blast, but manage to survive. Ian gets knocked unconscious by a rock and Vicki runs off to the find the Doctor. The Daleks force two Aridians to dig out the TARDIS from the sand and then execute them for their effort. The pleasantries between the Doctor, Barbara and the Aridians come to end, when they tell the Doctor they have been issued an ultimatum by the Daleks: Hand over the Doctor and his companion or be destroyed! They refused to allow the Doctor and Barbara to leave, fearing the repercussions bring on their race. Vicki manages to find the Doctor and tells him about Ian. However, their happy reunion is short  lived, when the Doctor gives Vicki the entire low down.  Just when things look bleak for our heroes, a Mire Beast comes crashing through a bricked up wall and attacks an Aridian that happens to be standing in its path. This proves to be enough of distraction that it allows for the Doctor and friends to sneak away. Ian has regained consciousness and manages to stumble upon the TARDIS, which is being guarded by Daleks.  Two of the Daleks have been called away, leaving just one Dalek guard on the TARDIS. Ian bumps into the Doctor and company and they devise a plan to lure the Dalek away from the TARDIS. Ian covers a hole with Barbara's sweater and the Doctor's jacket, and they get the Dalek's attention by shouting insults at it. The Dalek scuttles towards our heroes and falls into the hole. The Doctor and his companions get inside the TARDIS and not a second too soon, for at that very moment a platoon of Daleks fire at the TARDIS. The TARDIS dematerializes and the Doctor and friends are on their way to next week's episode ("Flight Through Eternity.")

I'm going to be completely biased here, part three of The Chase ("Flight From Eternity") is one of my favorite Doctor Who episodes, despite being a completely unnecessary one. Nothing in this episode advances the story in the least, it's just filler. Yet, it's so completely ridiculous that you can't but help to love it. What's so special about this episode, you ask? Well, essentially the TARDIS makes two pit shops; one atop of the Empire State Building, the other aboard on old sailing ship. The Empire State Building sequence is especially interesting, because it's seen entirely through the eyes of a secondary character, Alabama Hillbilly, Morton Dill.

Dill is part of tour group and while the rest of them leave, he stays behind, hoping to get a picture of the breath taking scenery. Just then the TARDIS materializes and naturally Dill is completely bewildered by the whole thing. His bewilderment is changed to complete delight when Vicki and Barbara exit from the TARDIS. Barbara asks him what year it is and he, in state of confusion, tells her it is 1966. When the Doctor and Ian exit the TARDIS as well, Dill is convinced that they are from Hollywood, that the TARDIS is a prop, the Doctor is a director, and the companions are actors. The Doctor humors him and they get inside the TARDIS. Dill wants to get their picture, but when he goes to grab his camera that TARDIS has dematerialized. Almost instantly, the Daleks' time machine materializes and once again, Morton Dill thinks they are a form of Hollywood trickery. The Daleks asks him a few questions and he tells them about the "Hollywood people" and how they left. The Daleks follow suit. And, once again, Dill goes for his camera, but before he can get a picture, the Daleks' time machine dematerializes. Dill is convinced that there is a trap door hidden on the observation deck of the Empire State Building and gets on his hands and knees to feel around for it. Just then the tour group returns and the tour guide tells one of them to get a policeman. Thus ends the misadventures of Morton Dill. I absolutely adore this bit, largely due to Peter Purves' wonderful comic performance. Purves seems to have taken his cue from Max Bear, Jr. (Jethro in the Beverly Hillbillies);  he talks in a cheesy southern accent, does lots of double takes, and is boundlessly energetic throughout.Though, Dill is not nearly as dense as Jethro.  I, for one, would love to see Morton Dill make a come back.
The second part of this episode finds the TARDIS crew aboard an old sailing ship. Barbara decides to have a look around, but gets accosted by a sailor who thinks she is a stowaway. Barbara protests, but to no avail. Vicki leaves the TARDIS and sees that Barbara is in distress. She sneaks up on the sailor and knocks him unconscious. The TARDIS is ready to go, so the Doctor sends Ian to gather the girls. Barbara and Vicki hear footsteps and hide. Ian walks into view and gets knocked on the head by Vicki, who mistakes him for a sailor. The girls put his arms around their shoulders and carry him back to the TARDIS. It dematerializes.  The sailor regains conscious and tells the rest of the crew about the female stowaway on board. They spread out to find her, just then the Daleks' time machine materializes on the ship. The crew, terrified by the sight of the Daleks, all abandon ship. The Daleks take off in their time machine. The name of the ship, the Mary Celeste. There is actually a pretty grim moment in what is otherwise a fairly light hearted episode; one of the people seen jumping the ship is a woman clutching a baby in her arms. It's an odd choice, tonally, but they are only onscreen for a brief second.
The Doctor reveals that they only have a eight minute lead on the Daleks and that gap keeps decreasing. END OF PART THREE.

Episode Four ("Journey Into Terror") amps up the absurdity that is The Chase by setting the entire episode in a futuristic theme park, "Frankenstein's House of Horrors" that features an animatronic Dracula and Frankenstein Monster. The major flaw of this episode is that it calls for the TARDIS crew to behave in an extremely dim manner. The animatronic Dracula and Frankenstein Monster go through the same motions over and over, yet the crew never figures out that they are mechanical in nature; at the end of the episode Vicki tries to warn the Dracula mock up about the Daleks, but to no avail. Barbara and Ian may not be familiar with animatronics, but certainly the Doctor and Vicki would know about them. Vicki, is from the future, and the Doctor has traveled throughout time and space, yet it never crosses either of their minds that what they are seeing is mechanical in nature. The Doctor's conclusion is that the TARDIS some how landed in the dark recesses of the human psyche. Vicki manages to get separated by the rest of the group, while trying to warn the clockwork Dracula about the Daleks, and is forced to hitch a ride aboard the Daleks' time machine.  Interestingly, this episode predates the opening of the Disney attraction, Pirates of the Caribbean, by two years. It should also be noted that mechanical monstrosities are immune to the Daleks' death rays.

In one of the most surreal moments in a Doctor Who episode, a Dalek blasts the Frankenstein Monster with its death ray and enrages the creature in the process. The animatronic creature comes to life, lifts up the Dalek, and smashes it into the ground. The Daleks run away in terror. Vicki, inside the Dalek time machine, tries to radio for help, but to no avail. The Daleks enter and Vicki hides. The audience (and Vicki) is then introduced to the next phase of Daleks' plan: a robotic duplicate of the Doctor. Vicki is horrified by what she sees. Meanwhile, back in the TARDIS, the Doctor and crew finally realize that they accidentally left Vicki behind. The strategize a way to get her back and decide the best option would be to seize the Dalek time machine, as it more reliable than the TARDIS. The Doctor then states the next place they land will be the sight of the final battle between them and the Daleks.  END OF PART FOUR!

Episode Five ("The Death of Doctor Who") features the least convincing double in television history. As mentioned above, the Daleks create a robotic duplicate of The Doctor and give it the following orders: Infiltrate, divide, and kill. The TARDIS has landed on the planet Mechanus, which is swarming with giant fungoid plants that attack everything that walks in their path, but are completely sensitive to bright light. Through out this excitement, the Doctor has managed to make a bomb to destroy the Daleks. Meanwhile, Vicki has managed to escape from the Dalek time machine and while wandering through the jungle, gets attacked by a fungoid plant. She lets out a scream that is heard by the Doctor and his companions.

 The Doctor and Ian run to the rescue, while Barbara remains the cave they have stumbled upon. The robot Doctor enters the cave and informs Barbara that Ian has been killed by a fungoid plant and that he needs her help in the jungle. The Doctor and Ian find Vicki and bring her back to the cave. She panics at first when she sees the Doctor, but soon realizes he is the real deal when she sees Ian standing next to him. She then informs the Doctor and Ian about the robot duplicate and the three then go searching for Barbara. Barbara is elated when she hears Ian calling her name, just then the robot Doctor lunges at her, knocks her to the ground, but before he can finish the job, Ian comes to save the day. The robot Doctor escapes.
This episode is particularly confusing, because in some instance the robot duplicate is played by William Hartnell (in close ups), but for the most part is portrayed by a double, Edmond Warwick, who vaguely resembles William Hartnell. At the end of the episode, the two Doctors confront each other and the TARDIS crew can't tell who is Who. (Ha!) On paper, this should be an extremely suspenseful scene; the problem, however, is that the director, Richard Martin, makes the mistake of showing the face of the double (in close up) and the audience is already clued as to who is the real Doctor and who is the fake. The TARDIS crew doesn't figure it out until the robot refers to Vicki as "Susan." The Doctor dispatches of his doppelganger by ripping out it's wiring. With the robot Doctor out of the way, the TARDIS crew can resume it's mission. Or so they think!

William Hartnell - The Doctor.

The Robot Doctor with Vicki and Barbara.

The Doctor and his companions get a good night's rest. Unbeknownst to them, a camera lowers from the roof of the cave and spies on them. When the wake up the next morning, they are surprised to see an entire city above the jungle. They didn't notice it before, because of the darkness.

 However, this serene setting is short lived when the Daleks come charging at them; they take shelter in the cave. Ian suggests that the Doctor impersonate his robot duplicate and try to fool the Daleks, but Vicki and Barbara disagree, stating that it is too dangerous. While the companions have a debate, the Doctor sneaks out and give this plan a try. It is a complete failure. The Doctor makes it back just by the skin of his teeth. Just when things look hopeless for our heroes, one of the walls in the cave opens up to reveal a large, circular mechanical creature, a Mechonoid. It orders them to enter and they reluctantly accept it's invitation.
END OF PART FIVE.

Episode six ("Planet of Decision") is the final chapter in The Chase saga. It introduces a new companion, Steven Taylor (Peter Purves again), while saying goodbye to Ian and Barbara. The Mechonoids are a fairly well realized creation, they move smoothly and are fairly menacing at times. It's amazing to think that this episode is part of the same serial that gave such atrocities like the Aridians and the Mire Beast. The Mechonoid takes the TARDIS crew to a room and they are introduced to Steven Taylor, an astronaut who crash landed on Mechanus two years earlier. The years of isolation has made Steven slightly off kilter; his only companion during that entire time was his mascot, Hi Fi, a small stuffed panda bear. He is completely overjoyed to be in the presence of humans again that he refuses to shut up, asking them endless questions. He reveals that they are all prisoners to the Mechonoids, who regard them all as specimens to study. The Mechonoids were originally devised by humans to clear the planet for colonization, but an interplanetary war put an end to that, since then they have been roaming the planet, doing maintenance on one another, and taking prisoner whatever life form stumbled in their direction.

Steven takes the Doctor and friends to the roof, the only place that is Mechonoid free. It just so happens that on the roof is a drum that is filled with cabling. The Doctor devises a plan of escape; they will lower the cabling over the side and climb down it. In fact, they really have no choice, for at that very moment the Daleks come crashing into the Mechonoid city. The Daleks and the Mechonoids start to battle one another, amidst the chaos, the Doctor sneaks into the room and plants his bomb. A Dalek runs into it, sets it off, and a fire erupts. The TARDIS crew is ready to go, when Vicki has a panic attack. The Doctor blind folds Vicki, while Ian ties cable around her waist. The slowly lower her down to safety. Steven notices the building is on fire, let's go of the cable, and runs to save his mascot, Hi Fi. The Doctor and companions manage to recover just in the nick of time, sparing Vicki the fate of becoming a human pancake. 

The rest of the crew climb down to safety, while the Daleks and the Mechonoids destroy one another. The Mechonoid  city goes up in a blaze; the fate of Steven is unknown to the Doctor and crew. Later, he is seen stumbling through the jungle, some how surviving the inferno. The TARDIS crew stumble upon the Dalek time machine, Ian has a little fun by impersonating a Dalek. The Doctor has won the day! The Doctor comments on what a remarkable piece of technology the Dalek time machine is and how it managed to stay on their heels throughout time and space. Ian and Barbara realize that they can use the time machine to get back home and plead their case to the Doctor. He is reluctant at first, but eventually gives into their wishes and shows them how to work the machine. They materialize in an abandoned garage in 1965. Ian activates the self destruct mechanism on the time machine, and he and Barbara run for cover. The two go sight seeing throughout London. This is a rather effective moment, achieved through the use of still photos. At one point they stumble upon a police box and are relieved to find out that it is a real one. They get on a city bus and try to come up with a story that will explain their two year absence. The Doctor and Vicki watch them on the Time Space Visualiser; Vicki is overjoyed that they landed safely, while the Doctor is saddened to see them gone. END OF THE CHASE.  What about Steven, you ask? Well, it is revealed in next week's episode that he stowed aboard the TARDIS.

The Chase is too muddled to be classified as a good Doctor Who serial, but it's never boring, either. Just when you think have you seen everything, it throws another surprise your way. It may not be good surprise, but it sure as hell won't put you to sleep. It's an extremely fun story if you catch it in the right frame of mind. It's certainly no worse than the atrocity that is The Last of the Time Lords. 

It also needs to be said that William Hartnell is vastly underrated as the Doctor. Hell, many fans of the new Doctor Who have probably never heard of William Hartnell. This is a great shame!  Tom Baker and David Tennant are the names that usually spring to mind when people talk about their favorite Doctor. I wouldn't say Hartnell is my favorite Doctor, but the more I see him the more I like him. Indeed, there is no Doctor Who without William Hartnell. Many of the eccentricities that fans associate with the Doctor originate in Hartnell's performance. His Doctor possessed great intelligence, but could be incredibly absented minded at time. He had a great whimsy about him, but also an extremely volatile temper. There was a great air of mystery surrounding the First Doctor, that seemed to lessen with each incarnation. You never knew what Hartnell's Doctor was capable of; each week he surprised you with something new. In An Unearthly Child, he is a sinister figure and, for the most part, the villain of the piece. At one point in the serial, he contemplates smashing in the head of a wounded caveman with a rock, because the man is a hindrance to the group; Ian intervenes before the Doctor can enact his plan. Yet, despite his seemingly sinister exterior, there was a glint of benevolence waiting to be stirred up. The audience sensed he was a good guy at heart, largely due to the strong bond he had with his granddaughter Susan. She was his soft spot that offered a glimpse into his "humanity." As the series progressed, the Doctor grew as a character, the good side emerged and he formed a tight bond with Ian and Barbara as well. Hartnell brought a lot of conviction to the role; there was never any hint that he was sending up the material.
There was also an air of vulnerability about Hartnell's Doctor (and Troughton's for the matter), he was a frail old man who could drop dead any minute. Every time he went up against a villain, it often felt like a mismatch in their favor, but some how the Doctor would persevere. Flash forward to Jon Pertwee as the Doctor, and the audience was 100% each time that the Doctor would win out, because Pertwee cut such an imposing figure. No monster stood a chance against him. It's this vulnerability that makes the Doctor such a unique hero, especially in the same decade that brought James Bond to the silver screen. He was not a dashing lady killer who beat his rivals senseless, but rather a cantankerous old man who used every ounce of his brain to outwit his opponents. William Hartnell was a wonderful Doctor and the fan base owes his a great deal of thanks for his memorable characterization.

Credits:

Cast: William Hartnell (The Doctor), William Russell (Ian Chesterton), Jacqueline Hill (Barbara Wright), Maureen O' Brien (Vicki), Peter Purves (Steven Taylor/Morton Dill).

Director: Richard Martin
Writer: Terry Nation

R.I.P. RAY HARRYHAUSEN (1920-2013)

Ray Harryhausen was a pivotal part of my childhood. My introduction to the world of Ray Harryhausen was Clash of the Titans at the age of five. The movie itself is mediocre, but it is loaded with memorable moments, courtesy Mr. Harryhausen.  The image that always remained with me a kid was when Kraken turns to stone after Perseus shows it  the severed head of Medusa. I've never forgotten it and never will. Harryhausen's stop motion effects had the ability to turn a potentially schlocky movie into an extremely enjoyable one. See: The Valley of Gwangi, Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger, and One Million Years B.C. for examples. 

His greatest talent was the ability to interject personalities into his creations, to the point that they became genuine characters in the narrative, as opposed to just flashy objects for the audience to "ooohhh'' and "aaahhh" over. Quite often, they were the most interesting characters characters in the entire movie. The Ymir in 20 Million Miles To Earth is far more interesting that any of the human protagonists. It goes from being a curious, innocent animal to a completely vicious monster after the abuse it has suffered at the hand's of mankind. We root for the Ymir, because it is the most relatable character in the entire film. William Hopper, the protagonist, spends much of the film being a complete sour puss, constantly barking at the lovely  Joan Taylor that our sympathies naturally go the Ymir.  

Thanks for the memories, Ray! Your influence on cinematic landscape is an everlasting one. 

The best way to pay tribute to the man is by showing clips from his work. Here are just some of the  memorable cinematic moments that Harryhausen helped to create: 

The Allosaurus attack from One Million Years B.C.  This film is notable for two reasons: the sight of Raquel Welch in a fur bikini and Ray Harryhausen's excellent special effects work. This is an exceptionally exciting scene that perfectly showcases everything that was great about Ray Harryhausen.

The skeleton fight from Jason and the Argonauts. Arguably the greatest special effects sequence in movie history.

The Cyclops from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad. 

Medusa from Clash of the Titans. The stuff nightmares are made of.