The Bat (1959)

Is there a cooler actor in the history of cinema than Vincent Price? The answer is no! Vincent Price had the magical ability to transform the most putrid of scripts into something watchable; his presence alone often elevated many of the films he starred in.  He was a fun actor to watch and one never got the impression that he simply phoned in his performance, regardless of the material. The Bat is not a Vincent Price vehicle, despite his top billing. He is relegated to the thankless red herring role of Dr. Malcolm Wells; a character that we are constantly lead to believe is the villain of the title. There's a lot of damning evidence against him, which means that he cannot possibly be The Bat.

The Bat was the third adaptation of the 1920 Broadway play by Mary Roberts Rinehart and Avery Hopwood, and it is by far the weakest out of the three. The play was adapted twice by Roland West in 1926 (as The Bat) and 1930 (as The Bat Whispers).  The first version is probably the best of the three, largely because the story is so old fashioned that it is best suited as a silent film. It's main flaw is that it lacks a strong lead. Emily Fitzroy gives a poker faced performance as Cornelia van Gorder, while Louise Fazenda mugs it up as Cornelia's cowardly maid, Lizzie Allen. The rest of the cast is adequate, if unremarkable.
 The Bat Whispers is notable in that it was one of the earliest attempts at widescreen and stars Chester Morris as the strong jawed Detective Anderson. Morris has great screen presence and livens up the proceedings with his no nonsense performance. The film greatly suffers during the stretch he is off screen, because, other than Una Merkel (as Dale Van Gorder), none of the other cast is nearly as interesting. The Bat Whispers has some truly eye popping visuals; in one scene the camera glides up the side of a building, goes through an opened window, and stops on a man sitting at a desk. It's an extremely cinematic movie, unfortunately it creaks along at a very slow pace. It's a film that cries for a soundtrack, as there are many long stretches of absolute silence. It's not nearly as bad as Tod Browning's Dracula, but it is a chore to sit through at times, though it gets back on track towards the end. It also has an amusing afterword in which Chester Morris breaks the fourth wall and implores the audience not to give away the true identity of The Bat to potential future audience members.

By 1959, The Bat was extremely old fashioned and Crane Wilbur didn't do anything to "modernize" it. The 1959 version is the weakest of three, because it is, cinematically, a very bland movie. Sure, the earlier versions may be creaky at times, but both are visually stunning movies with great sets and eye popping camera movements. The 1959 version often resembles a television play that was popular during that time; characters deliver their lines while facing the camera, and scenes end in a traditional fashion, with characters exiting the frame. This could be overlooked if The Bat was remotely menacing, but unfortunately he is a rather dull villain. He wears a fedora hat, a black mask, and plods around the scenery in a business suit - not exactly the type of uniform you would expect a notorious jewel thief (and murderer) to wear. However, despite wearing a mask, the audience knows The Bat's identity from the get go, because we get a good look at his body shape, and let's just say that it's too short to be Vincent Price and too pudgy to be the red herring in the film, Warner, Cornelia's chauffeur/ butler.  The earlier Roland West films obscure The Bat's identity by never giving the audience a good look at him; in The Bat Whispers the audience only sees his shadow for the majority of the film. He also avoids detection not only donning a mask, but a fake limp as well. In the silent film, he dons a bat mask. Granted, modern audiences will probably figure out the Bat's identity fairly early on, but to audiences of the late 20s/early 30s, his unmasking must have come as a complete surprise.

The earlier versions also have a prologue that gives the audience a good look at just how cunning and devious The Bat truly is. In both films, The Bat writes a note to the police bragging about how he is going to steal a jewel necklace from it's owner, Gideon Bell, at midnight and they won't be able to stop him. This boast seems practically impossible; Bell's apartment is located on one of the building's upper floors (no fire escape in sight) and the place is swarming with police officers. Yet, despite all of the precautions, the Bat not only steals the necklace, but strangles Bell as well. The 1959 film drops this prologue altogether, hence the audience is never given a sense at just how dangerous The Bat truly is. We are told about his past exploits; the characters ponder his past crimes for a second and move onto more cheerful things. The movie is extremely lacking in urgency. The majority of the previous films take place over one night, while the action in the 1959 film unfolds over the course of a few days. It follows this pattern:

1. The Bat strikes, but is eventually scared off.
2. The characters sit around a table and have a conversation. Despite having a killer lurking about, they are rather cheerful.
3. Bat strikes again. Gets scared off again.
4. More cheerful banter by the cast.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Even after the murder of Judy (Darla Hood), the film flash forwards to a scene of Cornelia van Gorder dictating her memoirs to her new secretary, Dale. Dale hangs onto Cornelia's every word and then writes it down. This goes on for a nearly a full MINUTE of screen time, effectively diffusing all tension in the process.

It's really a questionable decision by director (and screen writer) Crane Wilbur. You can definitely find fault with the Roland West films, but at least he keeps ratcheting up the suspense to the point that it becomes almost unbearable. Wilbur's approach will make you shrug with complete indifference, "Eh! So what?"
The death of Judy illustrates this point; she is such a peripheral character that her death fails to resonate with the audience. Hell, even the characters in the film don't seem too bothered by her untimely demise. Sure, Dale screams, "NOT JUDY!" But less than two minutes later the audience sees her in the flash forward with Cornelia and she is all shits and giggles. What the hell was Crane Wilbur thinking?!

The Bat gets a lot of mileage out of Agnes Moorehead's performance as Cornelia van Gorder. The one of the few improvements Crane Wilbur made from the source material was making Cornelia a murder-mystery author, instead of the humorless spinster she was in the earlier films. Cornelia in the film knows her business, she's not timid when it comes to using a gun for her protection, and she figures out that there must be a hidden room somewhere in the Oaks, the mansion that she is renting for the summer. Moorehead brings a lot of humor and (more importantly) warmth to the role that was lacking in the earlier incarnations. It's also a complete joy to see two pros like her and Vincent Price banter with one another on screen; it's too bad they weren't given better material to work with, because there's a great dynamic between them.

All three versions basically share the same plot: Cornelia van Gorder has rented out a mansion for the summer that is owned by banker Courleigh Fleming (John Fleming in the 1959 film). Fleming has embezzled a million dollars from his bank and has stashed it in a hidden roomed located in the mansion.  The Bat has learned about the stolen fund and stalks the mansion hoping to find the loot for himself. However, he is not the only interested party. The earlier versions slowly dole out this information to the audience, while Crane Wilbur spoon feeds us everything from the get go. In the original version, Fleming has faked his death and is in cahoots with Dr. Wells. They try to frighten Cornelia van Gorder and her associates from the mansion, so they can claim the loot for themselves without any hassle. In the 1959 version, after Fleming has confided in Dr. Wells that he has embezzled the funds, Dr. Wells murders Fleming so he claim the stolen loot for himself. Granted, he's extremely lackadaisical when it comes claiming the money and getting rid of Cornelia and company; he makes a few asides to her about the potential danger of the mansion and then goes about his merry way. At times, it seems Dr. Wells has completely forgotten about the money, especially when he is seen drinking tea and shooting the breeze with Cornelia and her lovely, much younger female guests (Dale and Judy). As I mentioned before, this film is completely lacking in urgency, even the villains are in no hurry to get anything done. Price, for his part, brings a lot of charm to the role, which is about all he can do with a completely underwritten and thankless character. His main function is act suspicious, so the audience can shout out from their seats, "HE'S THE BAT!!!" Or at least, that's what the filmmakers had in mind.

Crane Wilbur added the characters of Judy and Warner, the suspicious butler, to the screenplay, while limiting the roles of Fleming and the character Victor Bailey, Fleming's clerk who is wrongfully accused of embezzling the money. Bailey has much more significant screen time in the earlier films; Dale and him (his fiancee) are in cahoots and are trying to locate the stolen money to clear his name. In the 1959 film, Dale and  Victor are already married, and he is given a brief scene at the beginning of the film, only to be never seen again; his arrest and subsequent release happen off screen. This is another instance in which Wilbur vastly improves on the source material, because, in both of the Roland West films, Bailey brings nothing but dead weight to the proceedings. He is really has nothing to do, except provide Dale a romantic interest. Dale is Cornelia's niece in the earlier films as well. Here, she is just Victor's long suffering wife and Cornelia's future secretary.  On the other hand, killing off Fleming was a mistake, because the alliance between him and Dr.Wells brings more tension to the proceedings. At one point, Wells attempts to kill Detective Anderson, because he knows too much. Dr. Wells and Fleming do everything in their power to scare people off, which in turns, bring a sense of urgency that the 1959 remake completely lacks.

The Bat was a common fixture on local television in the 80s and 90s, probably because it plays a lot better on small screen than its more cinematic counterparts. The only way one could fully appreciate The Bat Whispers is seeing it on the big screen. Ditto 1926 silent version! On the other hand, the 1959 film is so cinematically dull that almost nothing is lost when it is viewed on television.  There's no startling compositions! There's nothing that jumps out at you! It plays like a television drama, so not surprisingly it fares a lot better on the boob tube (preferably on an analog set with a 13 inch screen).

Credits

Cast: Vincent Price (Dr. Malcolm Wells), Agnes Moorehead (Cornelia van Gorder), Elaine Edwards (Dale Bailey), Gavin Gordon (Lt. Andy Anderson), John Sutton (Warner), Lenita Lane (Lizzie Allen), Darla Hood (Judy Hollander), John Bryant (Mark Fleming), Harvey Stephens (John Fleming), Mike Steele (Victor Bailey), Riza Royce (Jane Patterson), Robert Williams (Detective Davenport).

Director: Crane Wilbur
Screenplay: Crane Wilbur. Based off the Broadway play by Mary Roberts Rinehart and Avery Hopwood.
Running Time: 80 min.

The Monster (1925)

Even if you have never seen any of his films, you probably have heard of the name Lon Chaney. He left his stamp on the cinema starring in the definitive version of The Phantom of the Opera (sorry Gerald Butler fans). With the exception of The Hunchback of Notre Dame most of his films are fairly unknown to the average movie goer. This is due in large part to the fact that they are extremely hard to find; both The Phantom of the Opera and The Hunchback of Notre Dame managed to fall into the public domain, hence they have been readily available in stores across the country. I first saw The Phantom of the Opera on PBS when I was a kid. Despite the poor quality of the print, it was still a rather powerful experience. Not even a bad print could ruin the unmasking scene. I like it so much that I bought it on VHS, which was of even worse quality than the PBS print.  More importantly, it turned me into a life long Lon Chaney fan. When my family got a satellite dish in the 90s, one of the perks was Turner Classic Movies. Imagine my excitement when they began to air other Lon Chaney movies like The Unknown, The Unholy Three, West of Zanzibar, and the subject of this review, The Monster. 

The Monster belongs to Old Dark House horror film, a sub genre that was fairly prevalent in the silent era and the early sound era of cinema that include such films like: One Exciting Night (D.W. Griffith), The Bat (Roland West), The Cat and the Canary (Paul Leni), the aptly title The Old Dark House (James Whale), and many others.  The Cat and the Canary was so popular that it was remade three times. While The Bat got remade twice in 1930 (as The Bat Whispers) and 1959 (starring Vincent Price). With the exception of The Old Dark House, these films were adapted from Broadway plays. Another thing these films have in common is that they are more comedy-mysteries than they are actual horror films. The Cat and the Canary and The Monster sport a very similar protagonist (Johnny Goodlittle in The Monster, Paul Jones in The Cat and the Canary). Both characters are effeminate in the early going, but eventually emerge as the hero. They both serve as the comic relief as well, though neither of them are particularly funny. Paul Jones (Creighton Hale) comes across as a second rate Harold Lloyd, while Johnny Goodlittle (Johnny Arthur) is a poor man's Buster Keaton. One could easily imagine The Monster being a vehicle for Keaton given the stunt work at the movie's end.

The Monster’s first twenty minutes are extremely reminiscent of the Buster Keaton movie Sherlock, Jr. In both films the protagonist is a rather mousy fellow who aspires to be a detective (they both read a book on How To Be Detective) and is in love with the town beauty, a high society type who is out of his league. They both have a similar rival for the girl’s affections, a burly and extremely arrogant man who is twice their size (both films describe him as being the “local sheik”).  For the first twenty minutes the two films follow the same plot beats, but then they go off in extremely different directions; in Sherlock, Jr., Keaton’s character, a projectionist, falls asleep and dreams he is the world famous detective, while The Monster veers into the realm of horror.  Keaton’s character isn't really given much of a character arc; in fact, it is his girlfriend that essentially saves the day (in the film’s “real” world that is.)  Johnny, on the other hand, goes from bumbling, awkward dork to brave and resourceful hero. It’s unfortunate that Johnny Arthur completely lacks Buster Keaton’s comic timing and screen presence, otherwise The Monster might have been classic, instead of being an amusing relic from the silent era. The Monster was adapted from the 1922 Broadway play, written by Crane Wilbur (who would go on to direct the 1959 version of The Bat starring Vincent Price). Unfortunately, there's little information about it on the Internet, therefore I don't know if the film version is a faithful recreation of the stage play, or if it takes liberties with the source material. Is Johnny an aspiring detective in the play? If so, then at least I would know for certain that the film adaptation didn't plagiarize Sherlock, Jr. The gags are striking similar in many instances. 

Despite receiving top billing, Lon Chaney probably has about twenty minutes of screen time total. He makes his first appearance roughly at the half hour mark and then disappears for a considerable amount of screen time.  Dr. Ziska is probably one of Chaney’s more flamboyant portrayals; when he gets angry he grits his teeth and twitches uncontrollably, nearly foaming at the mouth. Dr. Ziska would be more at home in James Bond movie than in a horror comedy. He has colorful servants to do his dirty work (stage car accidents to get bodies for his experiments), while he remains behind closed doors; plotting his next move from the confines of an abandoned sanitarium. He constantly his clutching a cigarette holder in his hand, while he greets his “guests” with a painted on smile, taking on the role of thoughtful host.  Chaney is marvelous, which makes it even more the pity that he is given such little screen time. When he’s onscreen, the movie comes alive. Dr. Ziska's motives are fairly spotty, he wants to transfer the soul of Amos, the town stud, into the body of Betty. However, this is only briefly touched upon at the movie's climax, otherwise he remains a complete mystery throughout the film.

Director Roland West is definitely more at home directing than film’s scary scenes than he is at comedy. The first twenty minutes (the poor man’s Sherlock, Jr.) drag on endlessly as we are forced to watch Johnny Arthur mug it up for the camera.  The film goes above and beyond the call of duty to make us empathize with poor Johnny, but to no avail, he’s just not that compelling of a character.  Like I said, if it would have been Buster Keaton or Harold Lloyd in the role, then the film probably would be hailed as a masterpiece, but alas Johnny Arthur just isn't up to the task.  

It certainly doesn't help that Betty, the heroine, is fairly dull as well. She has two functions in the movie, to look pretty and be a damsel in distress. Neither of which would be a problem if she had anything vaguely resembling a personality, but unfortunately she’s a lifeless as a mannequin. It makes you wonder why the two male protagonists would be endlessly pining for her….SHE’S NOT THAT GORGEOUS!  Granted, Johnny isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the lot, but surely he could find a much more interesting woman to fall in with.  There’s a rather painful scene at the film’s beginning where Johnny attempts to have a conversation with Betty, but just ends up staring at her like a drooling idiot. He can’t have a single, meaningful conversation with her, yet we are supposed to believe that she is interested in him. Sure, Amos has the upper hand in the early going, but she does invite Johnny to her birthday party.  If you want to see romance done right, check out any of the six silent comedies Harold Lloyd made with Jobyna Ralston. In each of their films, you sense that these two characters are destined to be together just by the way they look at one another. In each film, Jobyna likes the Harold character for who he truly is and constantly dodges the advances of other men. It's a great screen romance, far more convincing than the Johnny Arthur/Gertrude Olmstead pairing we get in The Monster. 

Sure, The Monster is highly flawed movie, but there a couple of things (other than Chaney's performance) that enjoy about it. I like the revelation that Amos, Johnny's rival for the hand of Betty, turns out to be a decent guy. When he his first introduced, we automatically label him as being a complete and utter douche bag. He comes off as extremely arrogant and is very condescending towards Johnny (which is understandable). Yet, as the movie progresses and the situation takes a turn for the worst, he behaves rather nobly, often putting Betty's safety before his. In a lesser film Amos would have transformed into a quivering stack of Jell-O and bolted on Betty, leaving her at the mercy of Dr. Ziska. This doesn't happen, Amos is scared at first, but eventually regains his cool and devises a plan with Johnny to escape from the sanitarium. By the movie's end, Johnny and Amos have developed a mutual respect for one another.

While The Monster is played mainly for laughs, there are some genuinely frightening scenes, the stuff straight of a nightmares. The film begins on really spooky note with Rigo, Ziska's zombie like assistant, sitting on the branch of a tree waiting for his next victim. Rigo causes car accidents by lowering a mirror into the road, tricking the driver that a car is headed straight for him, thus forcing him to swerve off the road and into a swamp like area. Rigo then takes the body and throws it down a chute that leads directly to the sanitarium. It's a nice, unsettling way to begin movie. 

The most memorable moment in the film is when Betty is sleeping in a bed and pair of arms slowly rise out from underneath the mattress and grab her. She is then slowly lowered into the basement by a trap door connected to the bottom of the bed. Again, it's nice frightening moment and  certainly takes you off guard, considering all the silliness that has preceded it.

It's these touches and  Chaney's performance that make The Monster a worthwhile effort. It may not be the great movie, but it is a lot of fun.

On a final note, the film's director Roland West is mainly remembered, if he's remembered at all, with his involvement with the Thelma Todd murder case. On December 16. 1935 comedienne Thelma Todd was found dead in her car, apparently as a result of carbon monoxide poisoning. The death was ruled accidental, but many people suspected foul play, despite evidence to the contrary, and Roland West was high on the suspect list. He was Todd's business partner and lover, plus he was one of the last people to see her alive. His connection with the case essentially ruined his Hollywood career. It's shame, as West was probably one of the most gifted directors from the silent era. His films, however flawed, are visually striking and extremely entertaining. Allegedly his gave a deathbed confession to actor Chester Morris, but no one has ever corroborated this.

Credits

Cast: Lon Chaney (Dr. Ziska), Gertrude Olmstead (Betty Watson), Johnny Arthur (Johnny Goodlittle), Hallam Cooley (Amos Rugg), Charles Sellon (Russ Mason), Walter James (Caliban), Knute Erickson (Daffy Dan), George Austin (Rigo), Matthew Betz (Detective Jennings).

Director: Roland West
Screenplay: Willard Mack, Albert Kenyon, Roland West (adapted by), C. Gardner Sullivan (titles). Based off the stage play by Crane Wilbur.
Running Time: 86 min.

You Only Live Twice (1967)

James Bond is one of the few characters that has transcended his literary origins to become a world wide phenomenon. You rarely hear anyone complaining about how the latest James Bond film has a desecrated Ian Fleming's original vision. The movies have taken on a life of their own.  It wasn't until my teens that I became  familiar with the world of James Bond. I vaguely remember catching bits and pieces of the Roger Moore films on television as a child, but for the most part I knew very little about the character. In 1995, my dad broke down and got us a satellite dish, Primestar was the company, and now we had access to countless channels, one of which happened to be TBS, which coincidentally was having a week long marathon of James Bond movies. I immensely enjoyed all the Bond films, but for some reason I was in absolute awe of You Only Live Twice, probably because of my immense crush on Akiko Wakabayashi, though Mie Hama is fairly attractive as well. Hey, I was SIXTEEN at the time! It was a ridiculously larger than life adventure with a villain that had a scar running down the side of his face, man eating piranhas, and a base hidden underneath a volcano. All these stuck with my through the years that when I finally purchased the video (and inevitably the DVD) I was looking forward to reliving the adventure again, well, let's just say I was less impressed with it on subsequent viewings. I still enjoy You Only Live Twice, but it's kind of amazing just how convoluted and tension free it is at times.

Granted, Bond film aren't exactly known for their scripts, practically all the Bond films are littered with plot holes; the story often takes a back seat to the action. The problem with You Only Live Twice is that its flaws are far more glaring than the previous entries in the Bond series. It’s lacking the one thing that is essentially to the Bond series…memorable villains. Donald Pleasance is memorable as Blofeld, the head of SPECTRE, but he’s only in the movie for about ten minutes, the rest of the rogue’s gallery is fairly weak, especially in comparison to the previous (and later) Bond films.  Mr. Osata is a Japanese businessman, and Blofeld’s main lackey, but he’s so horribly inept at his job that he poses absolutely no threat to James Bond.  He lacks the cunning and resourcefulness of say Goldfinger, Dr. No, Largo, and Rosa Klebb, all of whom were underlings to Blofeld (at least in the movie series).  When things (inevitably) go wrong, he gets squeamish and tries to dodge blame by pointing the finger at his secretary/interrogator Helga Brandt.

Helga Brandt is probably the one of the weakest, if not the weakest, femme fatales in Bond history, despite being played by the ravishing Karin Dor. The character, in many ways, seems to be modeled after the femme fatale from Thunderball, Fiona.  However, the main difference between the two is that Fiona was genuinely menacing and packed quite the sexual charge; the bed scene between her and Bond is genuinely sexy.
The scenes with Helga Brandt, on the other hand, are absolutely ridiculous and laughable at times, largely because the script does a horrible job of establishing the character. The first time we met her is at a meeting between Bond and Mr. Osata; she stands in the background and eyes up Bond throughout the scene.  The second time she pops up in the film, Bond has been captured and is tied up to a chair, Helga enters the room and it looks like she is going to interrogate him for some information. She grabs a surgeon’s knife and it looks like she is going to torture Bond…..BUT instead throws herself at him and two indulge in some off screen spooning.  The love scene between Fiona and Bond was genuinely a sexy moment, largely due to the onscreen chemistry between Sean Connery and Luciana Paluzzi, this love scene is just plain silly and fairly chaste, by the standards of a Bond film. It almost feels like Roald Dahl was obliged to write a femme fatale into the script, because it wouldn't be a James Bond film without one. It would explain why this movie seems to be going through the motions at times. Bond and Helga are making out, then Bond grabs the surgeon’s knife and cuts the straps off of Helga’s dress and then we fade into the next scene; even the filmmakers knew how goofy this bit was and just wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, the next scene is even more ludicrous. So, after having indulged in some carnal pleasure, Bond and Helga are flying in an airplane; Helga is piloting the plane, while Bond is the passenger. Bond promises to protect her from the wrath of Osata, but she tells them that it won’t be necessary, then she hits a button that traps Bonds arms beneath a food tray on the back of her seat. She then parachutes out of the plane to leave Bond to a fiery death. However, since the film is only at the midway point, we know Bond will free himself from the tray and pilot himself to safety. This scene is executed in such a half assed manner that it’s absolutely devoid of any suspense. Hell, James Bond doesn't even break a sweat.  It begs the question, if Helga was planning to kill Bond, why wait until now? Why do it a manner that you have absolutely no control over? Helga assumes that it will go off without a hitch, but this is a clearly a resourceful man she’s dealing with, so why even risk a chance for escape? Granted, this is prevalent in almost all James Bond movies, the villain has a chance to put a bullet in Bond’s head, but instead opts for the over elaborate, drawn out death that gives him ample opportunities to escape. The difference is that the villains in other Bond films are fairly well established and, up until that point, have a reason to be over confident, every aspect of their plan seems to be falling into place. The same cannot be said of Helga Brandt, given that she has already failed to kill Bond before.  In fact, Bond has consistently evaded Osata’s men, which makes Helga’s mode of death for him all the more questionable. It’s another instance in which the movie seems content with going through motions, rather than dreaming up something genuinely original.

The third in the trifecta of unmemorable villainy is Blofeld’s bodyguard, Hans, a character that comes off as being a complete after thought.It’s almost like Roald Dahl turned in his final screenplay and then the producers asked him, “Where’s the muscle? It’s not a Bond film, unless he has fight scene with the muscle. From Russia With Love had Red Grant. Goldfinger had Oddjob. This film has no one.” So Dahl reluctantly added Hans just to appease the producers.  Hans' is a non-entity for practically the entire film that the final fight between him and Bond comes as a complete surprise. “Who is this guy?” screams the audience. “Why haven’t we seen him before?”  Well, we have, it’s just that he hasn't done anything that is remotely memorable; he just stands in the background. We never once are given a test of strength to show just how much of bad ass this guy truly is. In From Russia With Love, there’s a brief moment early in the film in which Rosa Klebb, an agent of SPECTRE, puts on a brass knuckles and punches Red Grant in the gut with all her might and he doesn't even flinch. He’s absolutely numb to pain. The audience knows he is going to pose a serious threat to Bond. Hell, he even has the upper hand on Bond aboard the Orient Express, until he allows his over confidence to get the better of him.  We don’t get that with Hans, he’s just a generic muscle bound henchman. Hell, even the final fight between him and Bond is pretty pathetic; it lasts less than thirty seconds. Bond and Hans are fighting on a bridge, underneath them are Blofeld’s man eating piranhas awaiting their next meal. He takes a swing at Bond, Bond ducks and flips him over his shoulders, sending Hans into the waiting jaws of the piranhas.

On the “good” Bond girl front, I have often wondered why the filmmakers didn't just combine Aki and Kissy Suzuki into one character, because neither of them really makes much of an impression. Both actresses, Akiko Wakabayashi (Aki) and Mie Hama (Kissy) are lovely to look at, but they’re given very little to do. Aki is Bond’s love interested for the first half, but then dies an inglorious death by being accidentally poisoned in her sleep; the poison is meant for Bond.  Bond doesn't bat so much an eye after she dies right in front of him, he just shrugs it off and goes on with his life.

 The character of Kissy is a wasted opportunity, she has the potential of being an extremely kick ass heroine, but the filmmakers pretty much sideline the character just when she starts to become interesting. She helps Bond locate Blofeld’s underground lair and then swims back to the mainland to get reinforcement. We see her brandishing a gun during the film’s climatic shoot out and she even saves Tiger Tanaka’s life, but then she gets lost in the shuffle.  Kissy’s introduction comes at the 77 minute mark of the film, thus giving the actress Mie Hama precious little time to establish the character.  She is at first distant towards Bond, unwilling to mix business with pleasure.  However, eventually Bond breaks down her defenses and they indulge in a short make out session while on the job. The total amount of screen time that elapses before Kissy capitulates to Bond's charms – five minutes.  Aki should have been omitted from the final film and Kissy should have been promoted to the main Bond girl; it would have allowed the filmmakers more time to flesh out the relationship between her and  Bond, instead she’s reduced to a lovely piece of scenery.

Kissy seems to be modeled after the most famous Bond girl, Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress), the most obvious link between the two is that the don a white bikini.  Honey makes a living collection sea shells and selling them for a profit, while Kissy dons the disguise of a diver girl, who also sells seashells for a living. In the novel, Kissy isn't an undercover agent working under Tiger Tanaka, but just a plain diver girl that falls in love with Bond.  Dr. No ends with James Bond and Honey Ryder drifting aboard a speed boat (that has run out gas) and You Only Live Twice ends with Bond and Kissy drifting aboard a raft.  In both films Bond is ready to indulge in some serious hanky panky with his gorgeous female companion only for it to be interrupted by an external force. In Dr. No, CIA agent Felix Leiter comes around in a Coast Guard boat and offers Bond a tow. In You Only Live Twice, a submarine surfaces below the raft containing Kissy and Bond.  The movie then cuts to an interior of the sub to reveal M and Miss Moneypenny  are on board. Honey Ryder is much more memorable character, despite being fairly inconsequential to the actual story line. She maybe a useless character, but there is a genuine spark between her and Bond; something that is completely lacking in his relationship with Kissy.

What is the point of Bond faking his death? It does make for a striking pre-title sequence; Bond gets gunned down while in bed, leaving the audience to wonder how he is going to get out of this one.  However, since this happens within the first five minutes of the movie, we know that Bond is alive and well, it’s just a matter of how faking his death will factor into the story. Other than the shock value of seeing Bond murdered, it really doesn't serve any narrative function; Bond blows his cover almost immediately. It would make sense if Bond faked his death and then donned this disguise of Japanese fisherman to infiltrate Blofeld’s underground lair, but this isn't case. Bond doesn't don the Japanese fisherman disguise until after he has been positively identified by Blofeld. A movie that I liken You Only Live Twice to is The Spider Woman, the seventh entry in the Universal - Sherlock Holmes series. In that film, Holmes (Basil Rathbone) fakes his death in the early going and then dons the disguise of an Indian Officer, Rajni Singh, so he can get close to Adrea Spedding, the brains behind the “pajama suicides” that has terrorized London. As Singh, Holmes frequents London’s gaming clubs, because he suspects that is where Spedding picks up her victims.  The point is Holmes fakes his death and dons a disguise so he can work in methodical manner without drawing attention to himself.  Bond, on the other hand, creates a scene just minutes after arriving in Japan that it completely negates the point of faking his death. It also doesn't help that he sticks out like a sore thumb in Japan. It makes one wonder why even have Bond fake his death in the first, considering that it gives him very little advantage.

The subplot about Bond donning this disguise of Japanese fisherman is fairly inane as well, though it’s actually one of the plot points lifted directly from the novel.  To make Bond look “Japanese,” he is given a crooked black wig, a fake tan and make up that slants his eyes. However, Bond is significantly taller than anyone else on the island, so he tries to hide this by constantly slouching over. It’s an idea that reads well, but doesn't translate to the big screen. Despite the makeover, Sean Connery still looks like Sean Connery, just with a bad tan and a horrible wig.  As the movie progresses the makeup slowly comes off that by the time Bond confronts Blofeld face to face he looks like his normal self. There’s no scene of Bond wiping off the makeup, it just magically disappears.That’s the power of cinema for you. his subplot would make much more sense if Bond would have donned this disguise of a Japanese fisherman right after he faked his death, but this development doesn't occur until the movie is nearly 2/3 over.

 Bond’s identity has already been compromised and even heavily made up he still sticks out like a sore thumb. It was around this time that Sean Connery was getting fed up with the role of James Bond and there a few scenes in which he is clearly phoning in his performance. Connery's frustration is understandable, too often Bond gets lost in narrative to make way for the latest gadgets that the screenwriters have devised.

Granted, most of these criticisms come after multiple viewings of the movie. The first time I saw You Only Live Twice, I was able to check my brain at the door and have a good time. Even with its numerous flaws and plot holes, it is still a fairly entertaining James Bond.  I especially enjoy Tetsuro Tanba’s performance as Tiger Tanaka, the head of Japanese Intelligence. Tanaka is a mirror image of Bond, they both enjoy the same vices, alcohol and women.  They finally siege of Blofeld’s underground lair is exciting and was copied in the Roger Moore film The Spy Who Love Me, also directed by Lewis Gilbert. The action scenes are first rate, especially the helicopter attack on Bond's autogyro (Little Nellie). On a pure visual level, it’s one of the most beautiful looking Bond films, largely due to the fact that it was shot by Academy Award winning cinematographer Freddie Young, who also shot Lawrence of Arabia. As a mindless action film, You Only Live Twice works rather well. Oh, I also like the theme song (sung by Nancy Sinatra) as well.

I'm probably in the minority, but I like Donald Pleasence's over the top performance as Blofeld, it's just a shame that he is given so very little screen time. Sure, he hams it up, but it's definitely welcome departure from the rather dull henchmen that we have been given prior to his arrival. There's also a nice dynamic between Connery's Bond and his Blofeld. Pleasence is a rather short man and Connery completely dominates the frame, but Blofeld is an extremely intelligent man that it never comes across as being a mismatch. In the novel, Blofeld is 6'3" with  silver hair and dons a samurai armor, he overwhelms Bond. Yet, some how he comes off as a less of threat, because his motives in the novel are fairly spotty; he has a garden of poisonous plants that has become a hot bed for suicides in Japan. In the movie, Blofeld is short, bald, and has a scar that runs down the right side of his face. He is extremely intelligent and, while his plan is thwarted, he manages to evade Bond at the end. His motive is also clear, he wants to pit the United States against the (then) USSR.

You Only Live Twice was the first Bond adaptation that completely discarded the plot of it's source material. In the novel, Bond's goal is a much more personal and straight forward one, REVENGE!
(WARNING: Spoilers for those who haven't seen nor read On Her Majesty's Secret Service). In the previous novel, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Bond and his wife of a few hours, Tracy, are driving towards their honeymoon when Blofeld drives by and machine guns their car. Bond is unscathed, but Tracy has been killed in the attack. You Only Live Twice begins with Bond in complete shambles; he drinks heavily and has botched two assignments. He is on the verge of being discharged by M, but Bond's psychiatrist steps in and insists that he be given another chance. M sends Bond to Japan on a fairly light weight mission, to get a hold of an intelligence machine that is currently in the possession of Japanese Head of Intelligence (and American Ally), Tiger Tanaka. Bond and Tanaka hit it off almost immediately and become almost inseparable. Tanaka agrees to give Bond the machine, if Bond will assassinate the sinister Dr. Shatterhand, whose garden of poisonous plants has become popular among the suicidal crowd. In a (not too) surprising turn of events, Bond discovers that Dr. Shatterhand is really Ernst Stavro Blofeld, and his main objective is revenge, pure and simple, everything else is secondary. When it was time to adapt these two novels to the screen, the filmmakers opted to flip the order around, producing You Only Live Twice first and then following it up with On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This decision ruined the causality of the novels and a new story was needed for the film adaptation of You Only Live Twice; Roald Dahl was given carte blanche to write any story he wants as long as it adhered to the Bond formula. Oddly enough, the adaptation of On Her Majesty's Secret Service is fairly faithful to the source material, thus creating a glaring continuity error in the process. Why doesn't Blofeld recognize Bond in On Her Majesty's Secret Service? By switching the order of the novels, Bond has first met Blofeld in You Only Live Twice, therefore it seems odd that he would fail to recognize his most hated adversary in the following movie. Of course, On Her Majesty's Secret Service was the first and only Bond film to star George Lazenby as 007, so maybe the new face threw off Blofeld.

Credits

Cast: Sean Connery (James Bond), Donald Pleasence (Ernst Stavro Blofeld), Mie Hama (Kissy Suzuki), Tetsuro Tanba (Tiger Tanaka), Akiko Wakabayashi (Aki), Karin Dor (Helga Brandt), Teru Shimada (Mr. Osata), Bernard Lee (M), Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny), Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Charles Gray (Henderson), Tsai Chin (Ling).

Director: Lewis Gilbert
Screenplay: Roald Dahl. Based off the Ian Fleming novel.
Running Time: 116 min.