Snowbeast (1977)

The true sign of a landmark movie is not its success at the box office, but rather the many bad imitations it spawns.  Immediately after the success of Jaws (1975) a whole slate of imitations were rushed into productions by rival studios (and low budget merchants).  In the span of five years, we were given such forgettable fare like: Orca, Grizzly, Barracuda, The Last Shark, Tentacles, and the subject of this review, Snowbeast.

While watching Snowbeast, I devised a theory about the movie’s origin: the director, Herb Wallerstein, desperately wanted an all expense paid vacation to the slopes of Colorado, so he Xeroxed the script to Jaws, showed it to the NBC studio heads, and was granted his vacation under the ruse that he was making a movie. When he wasn’t hitting the slopes, or yakking it up with the locals, he would spend a few hours directing the movie.  This would explain why the movie is so directionless;  Snowbeast is 86 minutes long, but a good percentage of its running  time is devoted to scenes of people skiing or riding on snowmobiles (shot by the second unit). 

Some exciting Snowbeast action!!!

Wallerstein’s direction is completely flat – the scenes are usually acted out in a master shot and it will cut to a close up to emphasize a point. It is something straight out of a television sitcom from that era.  It also doesn’t help that Snowbeast is extremely drab looking movie; its muted colors prove to be an eye sore.  It’s the equivalent to being boxed inside on a dreary winter day – the sky has a permanent grey overcast, the roads are slippery, and you just want to nod off.  

 Snowbeast shamelessly rips off Jaws in an almost beat for beat fashion; instead of a small island community being terrorized by a Great White Shark, it is a ski resort that is laid siege to by a Bigfoot.  Just like in Jaws, the authorities ignore the problem and carry on with the festivities that have planned (the 4^th of July in Jaws, a winter carnival in Snowbeast). In the third act, our protagonists venture out into the wilderness, in a camper, to kill the monster.  The Bigfoot destroys the camper and, without their guns, must resort to desperate measure to kill the creature.  I was half expecting one of the characters to capture a glimpse of the Bigfoot and quip, “We’re going to need a bigger camper.” Sadly, this didn’t’ happen. 

In Jaws, there is a scene where a group of fishermen capture a tiger shark and the mayor prematurely declares that the beaches are safe again. Of course, this backfires when the real shark rears its ugly head on the 4^th of July and eats a man. There is a similar moment like this in Snowbeast; the sheriff kills a Grizzly bear and public declares the danger is over.  However, the placing of this scene is incredibly awkward, because it comes AFTER the Snowbeast has laid siege to the Ice Queen ceremony at the Town Hall; meaning that the Bigfoot has been seen by multiple witnesses, all of whom could attest that what they saw was no Bear.  It also serves no narrative purpose, because minutes after the sheriff has killed the Bear, he agrees to help our heroes kill the blood thirsty Bigfoot.  The scene, essentially, plays out like this:

Sheriff: I caught the Bear. Our troubles are over.
Gar (our hero):  It wasn’t a Bear and you know it. It was Bigfoot. We need to kill it.
Sheriff: Okay. Let’s go! 

In one of the main deviations from Jaws, the character of Chief Brody is divided up into three roles: Gar Seberg, Tony Rill, and Sheriff Paraday.  The first time (and probably only time) one watches Snowbeast you mistakenly believe that Tony Rill is the main character - he dominates the first half of the movie. It is Tony that first acknowledges the existence of the Bigfoot and whose warnings are promptly ignored by the authorities (the Sheriff and his grandmother, who owns the ski resort). Grandma Rill is dismissive of Tony's Bigfoot theory; she blames the disappearance of a female skier on an avalanche. Tony will have none of that, however, and is determined to kill the beastie.

It also feels like the writer is setting it up so that Tony and Ellen (Gar’s long suffering wife and TV journalist) are going to rekindle their romance, while Gar will end up a victim of the Snowbeast.  I initially thought that Gar would attempt to murder Tony for “cutting in on his action” and would fall prey to the Snowbeast before he could go through with his plan, but that would be too interesting plot for this movie.  Instead, the movie shifts focus from Tony to Gar in the second act, while Ellen is essentially relegated to background noise.  

The love triangle that never was.

 I will give the movie this: at least it attempts to give Gar a character arc and Bo Svenson, bless his soul, does his best with the material that he is given.  In 1968, Gar won the skiing gold medal in the Winter Olympics but his star quickly faded after that defining event.  This is largely due to self doubt and complacency on Gar’s part; after winning the gold medal, he was certain that he could never top this achievement, so he gave up competing. His complacency drives a wedge in his marriage to Ellen.  Gar comes to Tony's ski resort hoping he can get a job; skiing is the only thing he knows, so naturally a ski resort would be a perfect fit for him. 

However, instead of entertaining the tourists with his celebrity, Gar is given the assignment of killing the Snowbeast.  Apparently, he is an expert shot. Gar initially refuses as he views it as cold blooded murder, but when he witnesses the carnage first hand he has a change of heart.  He also gets his swagger back; when Ellen goes missing, he dons the skis and searches for her. They are reunited and their marriage is saved. YAY!!!! 

I find the character of Ellen to be perplexing. This is not Yvette Mimieux’s fault. Her character isn’t given much to do.  It is established that she is a TV journalist, but in no way does that factor into the plot. You would think that Ellen would realize that Bigfoot on the loose makes for a great story and would promptly contact her station. If she captures a Bigfoot live on camera, it would boost her career; make her a national celebrity. It would also give her character some depth; she is simultaneously repulsed by the killings and yet excited by what it means for her career. Instead, she is just happy being Gar’s wife. Her character arc is essentially she goes from being Gar’s long suffering wife to Gar’s supportive wife. It is a really odd decision by screenwriter, Joseph Stefano.  

Left - Long suffering wife mode. Right - Supportive wife mode.

 The movie apes Jaws by keeping the Bigfoot off screen for most of the movie; the filmmakers use point of view shots and off screen roars to suggest its presence. Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with this gimmick, but the point of view shots expose two huge problems with this premise.

1.       The cameraman often struggles to find his footing in the snow covered landscape and makes a lot of noise while doing so. It is hard to believe that none of the victims would be alerted to his presence much earlier.  The first death is extremely laughable; a female skier just idly stands there while the camera slowly descends upon her.  If she would only stop screaming she would have ample time to get away on her skis. 

2.      The landscape is completely barren and really doesn't offer the Snowbeast much in terms of cover. In the climax, when the heroes are talking outside of the camper, they should be able to see the creature looking down upon them.  He is probably less than twenty feet away and hiding behind a tree that is devoid of any foliage. Yet, because the script demands that creature destroy their camper in stealthy attack, they remain oblivious. It is a laughable attempt at building suspense.

It should be noted that the movie’s credit writer was Joseph Stefano, who his most famous for writing the screenplay to Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. He went from writing one of the most influential movies of all times to ripping off one the most influential movies of all time. How the mighty have fallen.  Though, in his defense, he was working with one of the great cinematic masters on Psycho, while on the Snowbeast he was stuck with an insipid director for hire.  

The two scariest moments in Snowbeast.

Credits
Cast: Bo Svenson (Gar Seberg), Yvette Mimieux (Ellen Seberg), Robert Logan (Tony Rill), Clint Walker (Sheriff Paraday), Sylvia Sidney (Carrie Rill), Thomas Bobson (Buster), Annie McEnroe (Heidi)

Director: Herb Wallerstein
Writer:  Joseph Stefano
Running Time: 86 min

Jaws 2 (1978)

I have a soft spot for Jaws 2. This is mainly due to the sense of nostalgia it evokes whenever I watch it, as opposed to it being a good movie. It was one of the very first movies my dad recorded on our VCR (in 1986) and, in fact, I saw Jaws 2 before I saw the original movie (we rented Jaws a few months later).  I was seven years-old at the time, therefore, I could have cared less about character development, or plotting, the only thing that mattered to me was the shark. As unnecessary sequels go, Jaws 2 isn’t bad, especially when compared to the countless Jaws rip-offs that were being produced at the same time (Orca, Grizzly, Humanoids from the Deep, and Barracuda, to name a few).  I would even argue that it is even better than the source material, Peter Benchley’s novel Jaws, which inspired the first movie.  Benchley’s novel is a truly dreadful piece of exploitation – it is equivalent to the kind of cinematic trash that Roger Corman was producing at New World Pictures at time – heavy on sex and violence (Hooper and Ellen have an affair), but light on story and characterizations.  It is absolutely miraculous how Steven Spielberg was able to take a piss poor novel and transform it into a cinematic masterpiece.  Jeannot Szwarc, the director of Jaws 2, deserves some credit for turning in a watchable movie, even if it greatly pales in comparison to its predecessor. 

Jaws 2 biggest flaw is that is a crowded movie. It is populated with characters completely devoid of any personality - I struggle to remember the names of the teenagers, with the exception of Tina, largely because she has a knack for being at right place at the right time; it is she and her boyfriend, Eddie, who witness the motorboat explosion and, later, stumble across the corpse of the half-eaten killer whale.  This is unfortunate, because it’s hard to care about the characters later on when they are being terrorized by the shark. There is also the unfortunate subplot involving Len Peterson, Ellen's greedy boss and local developer, who opposes Chief Martin Brody. This is supposed to add friction to Martin and Ellen’s marriage, but only serves as meaningless filler.  Roy Scheider does his best to bring an air of credibility of the proceedings, but there are a few moments where even he is defeated by the material; his performance in the first film was much more naturalistic, here, he tends to overact at times.  

There’s also a sense of a déjà vu in the movie’s first half - Chief Brody suspects a shark is swimming in the waters of Amity, but is greeted with initial skepticism by the town leaders; you would think that Mayor Vaughn would have learned his lesson after the events in the first movie.  This also begs the question: Why center the sequel on Chief Brody?  It would make more sense for the movie to follow the exploits of Matt Hooper – he is an oceanographer, hence it is only natural that he would inevitably encounter another great white shark.

It is also not surprising that the sequel is much more excessive in terms of the shark. In the first film, it wasn’t until the midway point that we were given a good look at the shark and, even then, it was fleeting. The sequel blows its wad in the first twenty minutes; the shark eats a water skier and then attacks the speedboat that was towing her.  In a laughable attempt at making the shark scarier, the filmmakers give it burn scars, the result of being in the middle of a boat explosion that it accidentally caused; the woman in the boat freaks out when she sees the shark, spills gasoline all over the boat and herself, and then fires a flare gun at the shark, which results in a big explosion.

Though, rather surprisingly, the death toll is relatively small (seven total) – this is an advantage in the movie’s favor. I recently watched the Roger Corman produced Sharktopus, and the move is devoid of any suspense largely because the body count (over 30) is so high that it becomes fairly redundant - every time the movie introduces a minor character they are promptly devoured. Indeed, most of the deaths are played for laughs. At least in Jaws 2, there is some element of suspense as to whether or not a character is going to survive. I still find the death of Marge to be a fairly shocking –after pulling Sean to safety she is swallowed whole by the shark. I also liked the fact that Sean is still traumatized by her death in the next scene as to just shaking it off; which is a tendency in most modern horror movies.  The last half hour is the strongest part  of the entire movie – the shark maybe a ridiculous at times, but at least the characters behave in a realistic fashion (no one cracks a stupid joke, there are no displays of bad assery), they are genuinely frightened and just want to survive.  The scene where the blonde girl, Lucy, starts praying may come off as maudlin, but it is perfectly believable, especially after having just witnessed her friend get devoured. 

Jaws 2 differentiates from its predecessor in that the second half is a race to the rescue, as opposed to being a hunting expedition.  In the first movie, the second half follows Brody, Quint, and Hooper as they hunt down the shark. The movie focuses entirely on their efforts to track down and kill the shark, without every once cutting back to the mainland – it effectively gives the audience a sense of isolation. These men are cut off from civilization and if anything goes wrong, no one will be able to save them.  Jaws 2, on the other hand, constantly cross cuts between Brody and the teenagers, and the “suspense” is built around whether or not Brody will arrive in time to save the teenagers from being devoured. It moves at a swift pace, but by constantly cutting back and forth between the two locations, it diffuses the tension – after each shark attack, the movie will cut back to Brody on the police launch, steadily on his way.  Brody gets sidelined for most of the second half; it’s only be sheer happenstance that he learns of the teenagers whereabouts.  It certainly doesn’t help that the teenagers are cardboard cutouts and lack the screen presence of the leads in the first movie.

I would like to think the scene with the beached killer whale corpse is a shot at the Jaws rip-off Orca; that movie begins with a killer whale killing a great white shark. It was producer Dino De Laurentis’ (still bitter that his King Kong remake made less money than Jaws) way of saying that Jaws was fun and stuff, but it was no match for Orca. Jaws 2, while definitely inferior to the first movie, is leagues a head of Orca.  Though, it is depressing to see that one of Jaws 2 biggest “scare” moments – the shark attacking the helicopter – is lifted from the movie Grizzly, another Jaws rip-off. In that film, the title monster (a fifteen foot grizzly bear) attacks a helicopter, though it only manages to spin it around a few times.

Jaws 2 proved to be enough of a hit that Universal green lit two more sequels (Jaws 3-D, and Jaws The Revenge), though it only did about 40% of the original movie.  It is an acceptable waste of time, especially on a dull, Sunday afternoon. So, if it happens to be playing on your local TV station (do they still show movies?) open up a six pack of beer and give it a watch. 

Credits

Cast:  Roy Scheider (Police Chief Martin Brody), Lorraine Gary (Ellen Brody), Murray Hamilton (Mayor Vaughn), Joseph Mascolo (Len Petersen), Jeffrey Kramer (Deputy Hendricks), Ann Dusenberry (Tina), Mark Gruner (Mike Brody), Marc Gilpin (Sean Brody), Collin Wilcox (Dr. Elkins), Gary Springer (Andy), Donna Wilkes (Jackie), Keith Gordon (Doug), David Elliott (Larry Vaughn, Jr.), Barry Coe (Tom), Gary Dubin (Eddie),  John Dukakis (Paul), G. Thomas Dunlap (Timmy), Cindy Grover (Lucy), Gigi Vorgan (Brooke), Billy Van Zandt (Bob),  Ben Marley (Patrick), Martha Swatek (Marge), Susan French (Grace), Jerry M. Baxter (Helicopter Pilot).

Director: Jeannot Szwarc
Screenplay: Carl Gottlieb, Howard Sackler.
Running Time: 116 min. 

Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

Humanoids from the Deep is absolute garbage. It is completely unapologetic for what it is that you will either find it absolutely repugnant, or be greatly amused by it. If you have a weak stomach, then this is definitely not the movie for you.  The plot centers around half man, half fish mutations that terrorize a small fishing community; their M.O. is to kill the men and rape the women. It is, essentially, a sleazier version of The Creature from the Black Lagoon; the humanoids act out what the Gill Man could only imagine. Logically speaking, the storyline makes absolutely no sense, but this is a Roger Corman production, therefore, he had to find a way to shoe horn in gratuitous sex and violence some how. The director, Barbara Peeters, and co-star, Ann Turkel, publicly disowned the movie after witnessing all the additions (nudity and violence) Corman had ordered.

In fact, it is fairly easy to differentiate between the footage shot by Peeters and the footage that was added during post production; in one truly bizarre scene, a couple are camping out on the beach in a tent. It turns out that the male is a ventriloquist and is speaking to his curvaceous girlfriend through his dummy, throwing all sorts of terrible puns her way ("Would you like to see my wood?")  The girlfriend is completely turned on by this and sheds all her clothes, but before they can engage in some sweet whoopee, a humanoid tears through the tent, kills the ventriloquist, and rapes the poor woman.  There are even a few odd cutaway shots of the dummy reacting to the all the mayhem.

What the hell? This was an obvious addition; these characters don't appear in any of the previous scenes, nor does the movie provide us with the follow up. There is no scene in which the main character, Jim Hill, and Dr. Susan Drake stumbles upon their remains, nor do any of the townsfolk inquire about their whereabouts. 

Here are a just a few observations I made about Humanoids from the Deep, both good and bad (SPOILERS):

1) The first death in the movie is a young boy, Jackie; who happens to fall into the water while trying to help his father reel in (what they believe to be) a fish. This directly recalls the death of  young boy, Alex Kinter, in Jaw. However, the difference between the two is that Alex's death in Jaws had a narrative function while Jackie's death is purely for shock value; it doesn't drive the story in any way and is quickly forgotten about.

2)  Humanoids from the Deep seems to take a lot of its cues from Halloween, especially in the use of the POV shot. There are a whole bunch of these scattered throughout the film. The POV shot is first utilized in the film to show that someone/something is spying on the vacuous blonde, Perry Larson (clad in a negligee). This leads to a false scare (one of many); Perry is startled by a noise from outside and goes to investigate (she grabs a two pronged fork for protection), JUST THEN....her boyfriend, Jerry, jumps into the frame. Jerry must have ninja training, because he is able to sneak up behind her without making a noise.  This gag gets repeated later on in the movie, when Perry and Jerry are playing around in the water, and Jerry disappears underneath the waves. Has he been pulled under by the humanoids? Perry begins to worry, but just then he springs up from the water.  Of course, anyone familiar with horror films knows that practical jokers, like Jerry, never make it to the end; after having his cheap laugh, Jerry is grabbed by a humanoid and has half his face torn off. It is a truly grisly end. Perry tries to run for help, but to no avail. However, she survives this traumatic ordeal and is later revealed to be pregnant.

3) The movie's main subplot concerns the building of a cannery in the town that will, supposedly, bring about more jobs to the community. This is greeted with enthusiasm by most of the locals, except Johnny Eagle (Anthony Pena), a Native American, who feels that the cannery is not only a violation of nature, but a treaty that was signed between his people and the white man years ago. He threatens to take legal action on the matter, which doesn't sit well with local fisherman, Hank Slattery (Vic Morrow), and his cronies. Hank tries to strong arm Johnny into changing his mind; even going so far as throwing a Molotov cocktail at Johnny's house. Naturally, it's only a matter of time before Hank meets his comeuppance at the claws of a humanoid. NOPE! In any interesting twist, Hank not only survives the blood fest, but actually redeems himself as well; he risks his life to save a little girl that is in peril. It looks like he's going to come to a bloody end, when a humanoid grabs his ankle and he is saved.....by Johnny Eagle.  In most movies, Hank would prove himself a coward and abandon the little girl, instead he behaves in a rather honorable manner. It's interesting that an exploitation film would actually take the time to give its main (human) villain a character arc.

4) I don't know what it is, but I find Doug McClure to be an extremely likable actor. He is rather credible as Jim Hill,  a local fisherman who is desperately trying to find a solution to the problem at hand. His sincere, straight forward performance gives this movie a huge boost; if Humanoids of the Deep were made today, it would be done in a tongue in cheek manner, with the cast constantly mugging it up for the cameras (see Sharknado). Sure, Humanoids from the Deep has an incredibly ridiculous premise, but having a pro like McClure brings an air of credibility to the proceedings.
McClure was a fixture in cheesy 1970s science fiction movies, appearing in such titles like The Land That Time Forgot, Warlords of Atlantis, and At The Earth's Core. Though, to people in my generation, he is probably best known for his portrayal as Kyle Applegate, the dimwitted mayor, in the TV show, Out of this World. 

5) The town is holding its annual carnival on the docks and prominently on display is the local beauty queen, Miss Salmon (clad in a bikini), who is accompanied by an annoying radio announcer. The movie constantly keeps cutting to Miss Salmon throughout all the chaos that ensues at the end (the humanoids bust out from under the docks and start attacking the townspeople) that we naturally assume she is a goner, especially when she loses her bikini top while being cornered by one of the monsters. Yet, once again, the movie defies our expectations by having Miss Salmon hurl bricks at the creature's head;  she not only inflicts significant damage on the monster, but escapes as well. It should also noted that Miss Salmon is played by Linda Shayne, who went on to write and co-star in 1983 sex comedy Screwballs. 

6) Humanoids from the Deep has often been labeled misogynistic by critics and its original director. This criticism is quite understandably given the nudity on display and the whole "raping the woman" subplot. While it's interesting to see Miss Salmon using her wits to escape the clutches of the title monster, the scene could still be construed as sexist given the fact that she is topless, which leads to a lot of bouncing while fighting off the creature. It's not exactly a ringing endorsement for feminism! Yet, the film's detractors (there are plenty) often overlook the scene that follows, for it completely subverts the horror conventions of the time.
Jim's wife, Carol, is all alone in the house with their baby, when one of the humanoids appears outside the living room window. Carol grabs the baby and hides it in a safe place; the closet. The only weapon she has at her disposal is a butcher's knife. The monster smashes through the front door and corners Carol in the kitchen.  This type of of scene has been played out many times, even in non-horror movies, and we naturally expect Jim to arrive just in the nick of time to save Carol. In John Carpenter's Halloween, Dr. Loomis arrives just in the nick of time to save Laurie from the death grip of Michael Myers, so it's only a given Jim will barge in the house and blast the monsters into a million pieces.  However, this doesn't happen!  It looks like it is curtains for Carol, when she grabs a bottle of dish soap and squirts it in the monster's eyes. This temporarily blinds the monster and Carol wastes no time hacking it to pieces with the knife. It's an interesting scene, because Carol is an average woman using her intelligence to take down a much stronger foe. Again, if Humanoids were made today, there would  be a scene that establishes Carol as being a complete bad ass, hence her taking down one of the monsters wouldn't be a surprise. Carol, on the other hand, is a house wife protecting her child from an outside menace; she uses whatever is at her disposal to take down the slimy intruder. This moment is even more surprising given the fact that Carol isn't even the main female in the story; that would be Dr. Susan Drake. 

7) My favorite moment in the movie is when townspeople realize that they greatly outnumber the humanoids and begin to turn the tables on their tormentors; in a long, high angle shot, we are shown a humanoid surrounded by group of burly men. After a moment hesitation, they gang up on the monster and kick the living crap out of it. It's a rather amusing moment. It must be said that, for a low budget movie, the make up effects, by Rob Bottin, are extremely well done. The humanoids are genuinely scary at times, especially when they are kept in the shadows.  Rob Bottin would go onto bigger and better things like The Howling and The Thing. 
.

The term "acquired taste" was invented for movies like Humanoids for the Deep. It's really hard to defend a movie like this, but then again, the movie never asks for a defense, it is what it is. It's a cheap piece of exploitation that exists solely to make a quick buck; it has absolutely zero artistic pretenses. It's the cinematic equivalent of junk food, particularly Doritos - it's not good for you and can often make you sick, but it's addictive nonetheless.




Credits
Cast: Doug McClure (Jim Hill), Ann Turkel (Dr. Susan Drake), Vic Morrow (Hank Slattery), Cindy Weintraub (Carol Hill), Anthony Pena (Johnny Eagle), Denise Galik  (Linda Beale), Lynn Theel (Peggy Larson), Meegan King (Jerry Potter), Breckin Costin (Deke Jensen), Linda Shayne (Susan - Miss Salmon), Greg Travis (Mike Michaels), Lisa Glaser (Becky), David Strassman (Billy), Don Maxwell (Dickie Moore), Bruce Monette (Jack Potter).

Director: Barbara Peeters
Screenplay: William Martin (Frederick James).  Story by Frank Arnold & Martin B. Cohen.
Running Time: 80 minutes.

My Top 25 Horror/Monster Films, Part III (10-1)

10. The Thing (1982)

Dir: John Carpenter
Running Time: 108 min.
The Thing was largely criticized when it came for being  overly violent and too gory, yet compared to the horror films of the last decade it is pretty tame. More importantly, the gore effects in The Thing actually serve a function to the overall story; the titular creature survives by assimilating the creatures around it. The audience never truly realizes the sheer horror of the Thing, until it is shown trying to assimilate sled dogs that are around it, and later when one of the humans is revealed to be a part of the Thing. The real tension in the film doesn't lie in its gruesome effects, but on the idea that the characters (and the audience) can never be certain as to who is human and who has been assimilated. This one of the few remakes that improves upon the original film, The Thing From Another World.  This is largely due to the fact that it’s more faithful to novella both films are based on, “Who Goes There?” by John W. Campbell. Lots of scenes from Carpenter’s film are taken directly from the novella, like the famous blood test scene.

9.  The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

Dir: James Whale
Running Time: 75 min.
It’s often a tough choice for me to decide which film I like better: Frankenstein or The Bride of Frankenstein, because both are wonderful movies. In the end, I choose Bride of Frankenstein because it’s a far more complete film. The original Frankenstein sets up a love triangle that never pays off; it is hinted throughout that Henry Frankenstein’s fiancée, Elizabeth, will inevitably end up with his best friend, Victor, but this subplot gets abandoned by the film’s end. In the sequel Victor is completely forgotten about and Henry is allowed to create another monster with his demonic mentor, Dr. Pretorious (the wonderful Ernest Thesiger). Boris Karloff once again plays the monster in a sympathetic light and the ending in which his “bride” rejects him is truly saddening.  Once Karloff relinquished the role of the monster, it essentially was relegated to a walking prop, occasionally showing up at the end of future films to stumble around the set for a few minutes before everything went up in flames.

8. Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Dir: Roman Polanski
Running Time: 136 min.
Rosemary’s Baby is a wonderful piece of misdirection: the first few minutes play like a cheesy day time soap; two newlyweds get an apartment in New York and are hoping to add a child into the mix. Then surely, but slowly everything starts to unravel, until it is revealed that the weird old couple next door are actually Satan worshipers and Rosemary’s husband is in on the plot to impregnate Rosemary with the devil’s child. In lesser hands this film would be completely laughable, but director Polanski builds tension with the power of mere suggestion.  In one famous shot, the character of Minnie (Ruth Gordon) is seen talking on the phone in her bedroom, but her face is blocked by the doorway; it’s a seemingly normal scene, but the blocking suggests something isn't quite right. Also, because the film is largely seen from Rosemary’s point of view, there are a few times where the audience starts to question her sanity; is there really a conspiracy going on or is all in her head? In fact, there are many people who claim that the film’s film scene is in fact, a hallucination caused by the stress Rosemary has put herself through. I don’t agree with the interpretation, but these ambiguities are what make Rosemary’s Baby such a classic horror film.

7. Island of Lost Souls (1932)

Dir: Erle C. Kenton
Running Time: 70 min.
Island of Lost Souls was the first adaptation of the H.G. Wells novel “The Island of Dr. Moreau” and it’s by far the best, even though the author himself hated it. In the novel Moreau is seen in a more kindly light, whereas he’s completely diabolical in the film version. Charles Laughton is a magnificent as the maniacal Moreau, who through vivisection hopes to accelerate the evolution of animals by transforming them into humans.  Bela Lugosi is terrific in a small, but memorable role as the Sayer of the Law.

6. Evil Dead II (1987)

Dir: Sam Raimi
Running Time: 84 min.
Evil Dead II is simply a joy to sit through. The first Evil Dead was a straight forward horror film filled with lots of gore and Bruce Campbell stumbling through the scenery as the cowardly Ash. Evil Dead II takes the same premise, but adds humor to the mix to make it one of the more memorable films of the 80s. It’s hard to dislike such a silly movie like this, hell, even Roger Ebert gave it a good review. Yet, despite the humor, there still are a few genuine scares scattered throughout, like the sudden emergence of the possessed Ed, or when the corpse of Henrietta bursts from the cellar floor. However, the highlight has to been Ash’s continuous battle with his possessed severed hand.

5. The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

Dir: Roger Corman
Running Time: 80 min.
Vincent Price is one of my all time favorite actors; so it’s a sure bet that at least one of his film would be included in my top five. I decided on The Pit and the Pendulum largely due to the fact that it was the first Vincent Price film I ever saw, at the tender age of six. It was one of the first films my dad recorded on our new VCR, and I remember staying up late to watch it with him, my sister, and my cousin Mike, but not being able to finish it, because it creeped me out. It’s still rather chilling nearly 26 years later; especially the idea of being buried alive. The film presents this motif twice: When, in a flashback, Nicholas’ (Vincent Price) dad is shown interring his mother alive by building a wall of bricks around her, and later when it is revealed Nicholas wife was buried alive, which drives him to the brink of insanity.  And who can ever forget the ending, with an insane Price leering on as poor Francis (John Kerry) is strapped to a table while the pendulum swings ever closer to his body.

4. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Dir: Don Siegel
Running Time: 80 min.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers doesn’t contain too many effects shots, but it’s far more effective than the many effects laden monstrosities that have dominated the horror genre in the last two decades. The film moves at a fast pace, largely due to the fact that the characters are constantly on the run. The premise is genuinely frightening:  the people in our community are not who we think them to be and, are in fact, duplicates lacking in the emotion department.  The most horrifying shot is when Miles (Kevin McCarthy) kisses Becky (Dana Wynter) and realizes she has been replaced due to the dead look in her eyes. A lot of political subtext has been attached to the film; there are some people who claim that it is anti-communist, while other are adamant it is anti- McCarthy, but regardless of its intentions (or lack thereof) it succeeds as a scary sci-fi/horror film.

3. Psycho (1960)

Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Running Time: 109 min.
What’s amazing about Psycho is that despite the fact that I went in knowing both of its twists (the heroine get killed halfway through in a shower, the reveal that Mrs. Bates is actually her son Norman in drag), I was still drawn in by the narrative. The film succeeds because the audience relates to the character of Marion Crane (Janet Leigh), which makes even more shocking and appalling when she is killed off right before our eyes forty five minutes into the film. If there is a flaw in Psycho it is the fact that the second half of the film is far less compelling, largely due to the fact that Marion’s sister Lila (Vera Miles) is not a particularly likable character. However, Psycho still remains a favorite due to its wonderful set pieces:  Marion being stalked by a highway patrolman, the shower scene; Norman (Anthony Perkins) cleaning up after his mother, the murder of detective Arbogast (Martin Balsam), and the reveal at the end. If you have hard time appreciating Psycho, then I suggest you watch the many imitations that followed it (William Castle’s Homicidal, I Saw What You Did, and Hammer’s Paranoiac and Nightmare); I guarantee these minor films will make realize what a genius Hitchcock truly was.

2. King Kong (1933)

Dir: Merian C. Cooper, Ernest B. Schoedsack
Running Time: 100 min.
The first time I saw King Kong was when I was twelve years old. I was stayed up until three in the morning on a Saturday night to finally catch a film I had heard so much about throughout my childhood. Practically everyone knows about King Kong a top the Empire State Building, whether they have seen the film or not. The first forty minutes of the film effectively builds up to Kong’s first appearance, and I remember being excited that I was finally going to see Kong, BUT when he made his appearance…I LAUGHED! I thought to myself, “Wow! These effects are horrible. Kong looks like he’s made of clay.” However, as the film progressed, a funny thing happened….. I stopped thinking of Kong as a dated special effect and began to think of him as a genuine character. King Kong is a highly entertaining film, but it’s most amazing achievement is that somehow Willis O’ Brien and his team of animator were able to inject a personality and life into an 18 inch model covered with rabbit fur. Kong is  a fully realized character; he goes through a whole array of emotions throughout the course of the film and, despite being the villain, his death at the end is truly heart breaking. King Kong is one of the most influential films ever made and it’s a tribute to directors Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack that the film is just as popular today as it was eighty years ago.

1. Jaws (1975)

Running Time: 124 min.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Jaws, like Psycho, has inspired countless imitations (and three unnecessary sequels) and once you have seen any of them, it makes you realize just how wonderful the original truly is. Jaws is the kind of the film that in lesser hands could have been absolutely dreadful, but director Steven Spielberg builds the suspense by never allowing the audience a good look at the shark until the film is two thirds over. The icing on the cake is that the characters are extremely likable and are capable of having genuine conversations; the most memorable being Quint (Robert Shaw) recounting surviving the U.S.S. Indianapolis sinking. It’s a scene that’s not necessarily relevant to the plot, but it adds depth to the character of Quint and explains why he’s so obsessed with killing this one shark.  It’s a highly entertaining and, in my opinion, one of the greatest films ever made. 

Why a Remake of Jaws is Inevitable and How Hollywood Will Screw it Up!

Jaws is arguably the greatest summer blockbuster movie ever made, it's a well made action thriller with a memorable screen villain and, more importantly, characters that the audience genuinely cares about.  There's excellent an review of Jaws on the website Jabootu, which does the film more justice than I could ever hope to do. Check it out! It's fairly long, but a good read nonetheless.

Why It Will Be Remade?
Jaws has spawned three sequels and countless rip offs that it’s only a matter of time that light bulb goes off in some studio exec’s head and says, “Why not remake Jaws? We can make it so much better with today’s technology!” The last decade of cinema has been littered with remakes and reboots of popular movies that updating Jaws isn’t nearly as farfetched as it seems: Gus Van Sant took a stab at Psycho and failed, Peter Jackson gave King Kong the Tolkien treatment, and Tim Burton has “re-imagined” three popular stories:  Planet of the Apes, Alice in Wonderland, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. What’s to stop Hollywood from remaking Jaws?

How Hollywood Will Screw It Up!

-          Over reliance on CGI.

-          Amp up the body count.

-          Gratuitous nudity and explicit gore.

-          Making the cast younger and sexier!

The lead actor in Jaws is Roy Scheider, who not only is average looking, but middle aged as well. His character Chief Brody is a happily married to the loving Ellen Brody and the father of two boys. In short, he is completely lacking in sex appeal, something that would not fly in today’s world.  The whole happily married story line would be a turn off to the intended teenage audience, therefore the most logical step would be to make Chief Brody a young, sexy, and single man that is getting over a bad break up.  If Brody is a single man coping with a break up, then you have to provide him with a love interest that breaks though his icy exterior and helps him rediscover a purpose in life…..enter the sexy, but strong marine biologist Mary Hooper. In the original Jaws, the marine biologist was Matt Hooper played By Richard Dreyfuss, who like Roy Scheider is..gasp…AVERAGE LOOKING! Unacceptable! Switching Matt Hooper’s sex from male to female would not only provide Brody with a love interest, but being a marine biologist would justify her running around in a bikini for most of the film’s running time. Do the math:

“Sexy woman + ocean = Sexy woman in a revealing bikini.” 

Captain Quint would basically be the same, except he would be ruggedly handsome and have less of back story.  Who would be cast as the three leads?

Chief Brody – Channing Tatum.
He’s recently become big amongst the ladies and his expressionless face would be perfect for the lead role in action-horror film.

Mary Hooper- Jessica Biel.
She’s cornered the market on the strong and sexy woman, so why not? Plus she looks great in a bikini.

Captain Quint- Matthew McConaughey.
He was pretty convincing as a crazy sheriff in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation... so why not a half crazed sea captain? 

If I’m not mistaken, the original Jaws has a total death count of FIVE! Five?! That’s not scary! Not only that, but most of the violence is implied rather than seen. The audience doesn't get a glimpse of the shark until an hour into the movie…again UNACCEPTABLE!  This was largely due to failures in the mechanical shark; forcing Spielberg to come up with different methods to show the shark was there (e.g., POV shots in the water, John William’s score, the yellow barrels at the film’s end.)
Today’s filmmakers don’t have to worry about such draw backs, thanks to CGI. Instead of waiting an hour to unveil the title villain, the filmmaker could show the Great White Shark right off the bat, thus doing away with any unwanted build up or suspense.  In the opening scene of the original Jaws the shark devours an attractive blonde woman that’s skinny dipping at night....BORING.....just imagine how scarier it would be if the shark devoured not one, but a whole a group of attractive skinny dipping blondes! Such a display of gratuitous nudity and explicit gore would have the audience at the edge of their seats! Whereas the deaths in the original Jaws served a function to the overall story, in the remake the bodies will pile up without anyone so much as batting an eye. There will be no scene of a grieving mother slapping the face of Chief Brody nor of the visibly shaken mayor sickened by the thought that he put his son in danger, instead there will be scenes of random, scantily clad tourists meeting gory ends followed by scenes of Chief Brody romancing the strong willed Mary Hooper.  The film would not only be a remake Jaws, but a remake of the Jaws rip off Spring Break Shark Attack as well.  It will be the ultimate cinematic desecration!