Doctor Who: The Chase (May 22, 1965 - June 26, 1965)

The world of Doctor Who has been and always will be a mixed bag, one story can amaze you with it's creativity and intelligent writing, the next can bore you to tears with it's laziness. There are undisputed masterpieces from both eras of Doctor Who, then there are the complete duds, ones that you would like to forget about. Then there are stories like The Chase which leaves you scratching your head, wondering what in the hell it is you are watching. The Chase is a six part serial from the second season of Doctor Who, it was also the season finale which saw the departure of longtime companions, Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright. It's hard to describe The Chase, because while it isn't particularly good, it's also extremely hard to dislike, because it's an extremely ridiculous story, punctuated by bumbling Daleks, a pit stop on top of The Empire State Building, a misadventure inside a carnival horror house, and a robot duplicate of the Doctor. It's borderline surreal at times, the most memorable moment being a long shot of a Dalek slowly emerging from the sand on a desert planet (populated by reptilian like people).

The plot is fairly simple: The Daleks chase the Doctor and his companions throughout time and space. The Chase came early in the evolution of Doctor Who; at this point very little of the mythology had been set. It wouldn't be established until The Tenth Planet that the Doctor could regenerate and it wasn't until The War Games that it was revealed which alien civilization that Doctor hailed from; in The Chase the Daleks refer to him as being a human. The TARDIS is supposed to be Time Lord technology, but the Daleks time machine is exactly like the Doctor's, bigger on the inside. At one point the Doctor implies that he built the TARDIS, whereas in The War Games he tells Jamie and Zoe that he stole it.

However, other than the Doctor and the TARDIS, there was one point of the mythology that had been established, the leaving of the companions. In Dalek Invasion of the Earth, The Doctor's granddaughter Susan falls in love with a future resistance fighter and The Doctor leaves her behind, so she can pursue a life of happiness. Enter Vicki, who is an often overlooked companion, but a noteworthy one as she was the first of many change ups in the TARDIS line up. Vicki, in many ways, was exactly like the Doctor, in that she was a loner that had been separated from her family; she was in a space crash that claimed the life of her father. The Doctor and her hit off from the get go and she became a surrogate granddaughter to him. I rather like the relationship between the Doctor and Vicki, because it allowed the Doctor to show his more gentler side. Susan was his granddaughter, but Vicki was a complete stranger whom he took under his wing. Vicki was also a far more livelier companion than Susan; at one point in The Chase she begins to imitate the voice of a Mechonoid (a robot race that lives on the planet Mechanus), much to the annoyance of Barbara.

Ian and Barbara probably belong in the "TOP 5 COMPANIONS" list, because their relationship with the Doctor grew as the series progressed. Initially, there were unwanted travelers on the TARDIS and the Doctor had an antagonistic attitude towards them. Yet, eventually the Doctor's attitude began to mellow and eventually they wound up the best of friends. It's no wonder the Doctor is at first reluctant to help them when they ask him how to operate the Daleks' time machine to get back to their own time. The Doctor claims he doesn't want to "abet in suicide," but secretly he doesn't want to see his two best friends leave him. After Vicki pleads with, the Doctor acquiesces and shows them how to work the Dalek's time machine. The scenes with Ian and Barbara running amuk London are the best in the entire serial, this could be largely due to the fact that were directed by Douglas Camfield, one of Doctor Who's best directors. They pack an emotional wallop and are extremely bittersweet in their execution. Ian and Barbara are home, but there adventures in the TARDIS have come to an end. The Doctor confides to Vicki that he will miss them. It's a strong ending to a fairly contrived story.

The first episode of the saga ("The Executioners") sets the tone for the insanity that is about to ensue. The Doctor and company are aboard the TARDIS, Ian's reading book, Barbara's making a dress, and Vicki is getting in the way. The Doctor calls them over to have a look at his Time Space Visualiser, which is essentially a "Time Television."

The Doctor has each of the companions choose a historical event they want to watch; Ian chooses Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address, Barbara picks William Shakespeare visiting Queen Elizabeth, and Vicki delights over The Beatles singing "Ticket To Ride" on Top of the Pops. Barbara is surprised that Vicki, being from the distant future, knows of The Beatles. Vicki, in a bit of prophecy, responds that she's been to The Beatles Museum many times. She thinks they are fantastic, but didn't know their music was "classical." The perplexes Barbara, but Ian moves things forward by suggest music styles change over the years. This sequences up about rough ten minutes of screen time and has practically no narrative value. The Time Space Visualiser does comes into play later in the episode, but the rest of it is just filler.

Finally, the TARDIS has landed, on the desert planet Aridius, and the crew go on their merry way, forgetting to turn off  the Time Space Visualiser. Vicki wants to go off exploring and Ian goes along with her, while Barbara and the Doctor soak up some sun. Barbara, distracted by the humming coming from the Time Space Visualiser, goes inside the TARDIS to turn it off, only to stumble across a "broadcast" of the Daleks. She calls the Doctor and together they learn about the Daleks' plan to chase them throughout the Galaxy and exterminate them.  Yes, it's through sheer happenstance that the Doctor discovers the Daleks' diabolical plan. Granted, Doctor Who has always been contrived, but this is just too much to accept. The Doctor's survival is dependent upon a Time Television accidentally being left on. The Doctor deduces that since the Time Space Visualiser can only pick up events from the past that means the Daleks must have already landed on the planet Aridius. The two of them go to gather Vicki and Ian, only to get lost in a sandstorm. Aridius has two suns and the climate changes rapidly, the sandstorm lasts for only a few seconds, but in that time the TARDIS has been buried. For an episode that is set on an expansive desert planet, it's pretty claustrophobic; at one point Ian and Vicki cast shadows on the painted back drop. It's only too obvious this was shot in a studio, a small one at that. Of course, this was standard for many of old Doctor Who episodes.
Meanwhile, Vicki and Ian have come across a trap door which leads into a cavern beneath the sand. They go down to investigate and the door closes behind them. THEY ARE TRAPPED. Just when things can't get any worse, a tentacled beast starts crawling towards them. Is it the end of Vicki and Ian?
Cut to the Doctor and Barbara still wandering through the desert. The Doctor tells Barbara to get down and, to their complete horror, a Dalek slowly starts to emerge from the sand.

This bit is lifted from the serial Dalek Invasion of Earth, in which one of the cliffhangers consisted of a Dalek slowly emerging from the Thames river.  END OF PART ONE!

Episode Two ("The Death of Time") is the weakest part of The Chase, in large part due to the overall cheapness of the production. The classic Doctor Who always had fairly poor production values, but even by the low standards of 1960s BBC television, they are extremely bad in this episode. How bad are they? Well, I've seen high school plays with better production values.  The most problematic aspect of the episode is the Aridians, a reptilian like species that live underground. What's so bad about that, you ask? Well, just take a look at them:

Yup, they are indeed men in leotards with scales glued onto them and are wearing fin-like helmets. It's a complete credit to William Hartnell that he is able to deliver his lines in a completely straight and sincere manner, despite the silliness that is constantly staring him in the face. The Aridians mortal enemies are the Mire Beasts, which look like this:

The Aridians find the Doctor and Barbara in the desert and give them shelter and food. Meanwhile, Vicki and Ian have successfully eluded one of the Mire Beasts, but are still lost in the underground tunnels. The Aridians hope to contain the Mire Beasts by blowing up their underground strongholds, Vicki and Ian get caught in the blast, but manage to survive. Ian gets knocked unconscious by a rock and Vicki runs off to the find the Doctor. The Daleks force two Aridians to dig out the TARDIS from the sand and then execute them for their effort. The pleasantries between the Doctor, Barbara and the Aridians come to end, when they tell the Doctor they have been issued an ultimatum by the Daleks: Hand over the Doctor and his companion or be destroyed! They refused to allow the Doctor and Barbara to leave, fearing the repercussions bring on their race. Vicki manages to find the Doctor and tells him about Ian. However, their happy reunion is short  lived, when the Doctor gives Vicki the entire low down.  Just when things look bleak for our heroes, a Mire Beast comes crashing through a bricked up wall and attacks an Aridian that happens to be standing in its path. This proves to be enough of distraction that it allows for the Doctor and friends to sneak away. Ian has regained consciousness and manages to stumble upon the TARDIS, which is being guarded by Daleks.  Two of the Daleks have been called away, leaving just one Dalek guard on the TARDIS. Ian bumps into the Doctor and company and they devise a plan to lure the Dalek away from the TARDIS. Ian covers a hole with Barbara's sweater and the Doctor's jacket, and they get the Dalek's attention by shouting insults at it. The Dalek scuttles towards our heroes and falls into the hole. The Doctor and his companions get inside the TARDIS and not a second too soon, for at that very moment a platoon of Daleks fire at the TARDIS. The TARDIS dematerializes and the Doctor and friends are on their way to next week's episode ("Flight Through Eternity.")

I'm going to be completely biased here, part three of The Chase ("Flight From Eternity") is one of my favorite Doctor Who episodes, despite being a completely unnecessary one. Nothing in this episode advances the story in the least, it's just filler. Yet, it's so completely ridiculous that you can't but help to love it. What's so special about this episode, you ask? Well, essentially the TARDIS makes two pit shops; one atop of the Empire State Building, the other aboard on old sailing ship. The Empire State Building sequence is especially interesting, because it's seen entirely through the eyes of a secondary character, Alabama Hillbilly, Morton Dill.

Dill is part of tour group and while the rest of them leave, he stays behind, hoping to get a picture of the breath taking scenery. Just then the TARDIS materializes and naturally Dill is completely bewildered by the whole thing. His bewilderment is changed to complete delight when Vicki and Barbara exit from the TARDIS. Barbara asks him what year it is and he, in state of confusion, tells her it is 1966. When the Doctor and Ian exit the TARDIS as well, Dill is convinced that they are from Hollywood, that the TARDIS is a prop, the Doctor is a director, and the companions are actors. The Doctor humors him and they get inside the TARDIS. Dill wants to get their picture, but when he goes to grab his camera that TARDIS has dematerialized. Almost instantly, the Daleks' time machine materializes and once again, Morton Dill thinks they are a form of Hollywood trickery. The Daleks asks him a few questions and he tells them about the "Hollywood people" and how they left. The Daleks follow suit. And, once again, Dill goes for his camera, but before he can get a picture, the Daleks' time machine dematerializes. Dill is convinced that there is a trap door hidden on the observation deck of the Empire State Building and gets on his hands and knees to feel around for it. Just then the tour group returns and the tour guide tells one of them to get a policeman. Thus ends the misadventures of Morton Dill. I absolutely adore this bit, largely due to Peter Purves' wonderful comic performance. Purves seems to have taken his cue from Max Bear, Jr. (Jethro in the Beverly Hillbillies);  he talks in a cheesy southern accent, does lots of double takes, and is boundlessly energetic throughout.Though, Dill is not nearly as dense as Jethro.  I, for one, would love to see Morton Dill make a come back.
The second part of this episode finds the TARDIS crew aboard an old sailing ship. Barbara decides to have a look around, but gets accosted by a sailor who thinks she is a stowaway. Barbara protests, but to no avail. Vicki leaves the TARDIS and sees that Barbara is in distress. She sneaks up on the sailor and knocks him unconscious. The TARDIS is ready to go, so the Doctor sends Ian to gather the girls. Barbara and Vicki hear footsteps and hide. Ian walks into view and gets knocked on the head by Vicki, who mistakes him for a sailor. The girls put his arms around their shoulders and carry him back to the TARDIS. It dematerializes.  The sailor regains conscious and tells the rest of the crew about the female stowaway on board. They spread out to find her, just then the Daleks' time machine materializes on the ship. The crew, terrified by the sight of the Daleks, all abandon ship. The Daleks take off in their time machine. The name of the ship, the Mary Celeste. There is actually a pretty grim moment in what is otherwise a fairly light hearted episode; one of the people seen jumping the ship is a woman clutching a baby in her arms. It's an odd choice, tonally, but they are only onscreen for a brief second.
The Doctor reveals that they only have a eight minute lead on the Daleks and that gap keeps decreasing. END OF PART THREE.

Episode Four ("Journey Into Terror") amps up the absurdity that is The Chase by setting the entire episode in a futuristic theme park, "Frankenstein's House of Horrors" that features an animatronic Dracula and Frankenstein Monster. The major flaw of this episode is that it calls for the TARDIS crew to behave in an extremely dim manner. The animatronic Dracula and Frankenstein Monster go through the same motions over and over, yet the crew never figures out that they are mechanical in nature; at the end of the episode Vicki tries to warn the Dracula mock up about the Daleks, but to no avail. Barbara and Ian may not be familiar with animatronics, but certainly the Doctor and Vicki would know about them. Vicki, is from the future, and the Doctor has traveled throughout time and space, yet it never crosses either of their minds that what they are seeing is mechanical in nature. The Doctor's conclusion is that the TARDIS some how landed in the dark recesses of the human psyche. Vicki manages to get separated by the rest of the group, while trying to warn the clockwork Dracula about the Daleks, and is forced to hitch a ride aboard the Daleks' time machine.  Interestingly, this episode predates the opening of the Disney attraction, Pirates of the Caribbean, by two years. It should also be noted that mechanical monstrosities are immune to the Daleks' death rays.

In one of the most surreal moments in a Doctor Who episode, a Dalek blasts the Frankenstein Monster with its death ray and enrages the creature in the process. The animatronic creature comes to life, lifts up the Dalek, and smashes it into the ground. The Daleks run away in terror. Vicki, inside the Dalek time machine, tries to radio for help, but to no avail. The Daleks enter and Vicki hides. The audience (and Vicki) is then introduced to the next phase of Daleks' plan: a robotic duplicate of the Doctor. Vicki is horrified by what she sees. Meanwhile, back in the TARDIS, the Doctor and crew finally realize that they accidentally left Vicki behind. The strategize a way to get her back and decide the best option would be to seize the Dalek time machine, as it more reliable than the TARDIS. The Doctor then states the next place they land will be the sight of the final battle between them and the Daleks.  END OF PART FOUR!

Episode Five ("The Death of Doctor Who") features the least convincing double in television history. As mentioned above, the Daleks create a robotic duplicate of The Doctor and give it the following orders: Infiltrate, divide, and kill. The TARDIS has landed on the planet Mechanus, which is swarming with giant fungoid plants that attack everything that walks in their path, but are completely sensitive to bright light. Through out this excitement, the Doctor has managed to make a bomb to destroy the Daleks. Meanwhile, Vicki has managed to escape from the Dalek time machine and while wandering through the jungle, gets attacked by a fungoid plant. She lets out a scream that is heard by the Doctor and his companions.

 The Doctor and Ian run to the rescue, while Barbara remains the cave they have stumbled upon. The robot Doctor enters the cave and informs Barbara that Ian has been killed by a fungoid plant and that he needs her help in the jungle. The Doctor and Ian find Vicki and bring her back to the cave. She panics at first when she sees the Doctor, but soon realizes he is the real deal when she sees Ian standing next to him. She then informs the Doctor and Ian about the robot duplicate and the three then go searching for Barbara. Barbara is elated when she hears Ian calling her name, just then the robot Doctor lunges at her, knocks her to the ground, but before he can finish the job, Ian comes to save the day. The robot Doctor escapes.
This episode is particularly confusing, because in some instance the robot duplicate is played by William Hartnell (in close ups), but for the most part is portrayed by a double, Edmond Warwick, who vaguely resembles William Hartnell. At the end of the episode, the two Doctors confront each other and the TARDIS crew can't tell who is Who. (Ha!) On paper, this should be an extremely suspenseful scene; the problem, however, is that the director, Richard Martin, makes the mistake of showing the face of the double (in close up) and the audience is already clued as to who is the real Doctor and who is the fake. The TARDIS crew doesn't figure it out until the robot refers to Vicki as "Susan." The Doctor dispatches of his doppelganger by ripping out it's wiring. With the robot Doctor out of the way, the TARDIS crew can resume it's mission. Or so they think!

William Hartnell - The Doctor.

The Robot Doctor with Vicki and Barbara.

The Doctor and his companions get a good night's rest. Unbeknownst to them, a camera lowers from the roof of the cave and spies on them. When the wake up the next morning, they are surprised to see an entire city above the jungle. They didn't notice it before, because of the darkness.

 However, this serene setting is short lived when the Daleks come charging at them; they take shelter in the cave. Ian suggests that the Doctor impersonate his robot duplicate and try to fool the Daleks, but Vicki and Barbara disagree, stating that it is too dangerous. While the companions have a debate, the Doctor sneaks out and give this plan a try. It is a complete failure. The Doctor makes it back just by the skin of his teeth. Just when things look hopeless for our heroes, one of the walls in the cave opens up to reveal a large, circular mechanical creature, a Mechonoid. It orders them to enter and they reluctantly accept it's invitation.
END OF PART FIVE.

Episode six ("Planet of Decision") is the final chapter in The Chase saga. It introduces a new companion, Steven Taylor (Peter Purves again), while saying goodbye to Ian and Barbara. The Mechonoids are a fairly well realized creation, they move smoothly and are fairly menacing at times. It's amazing to think that this episode is part of the same serial that gave such atrocities like the Aridians and the Mire Beast. The Mechonoid takes the TARDIS crew to a room and they are introduced to Steven Taylor, an astronaut who crash landed on Mechanus two years earlier. The years of isolation has made Steven slightly off kilter; his only companion during that entire time was his mascot, Hi Fi, a small stuffed panda bear. He is completely overjoyed to be in the presence of humans again that he refuses to shut up, asking them endless questions. He reveals that they are all prisoners to the Mechonoids, who regard them all as specimens to study. The Mechonoids were originally devised by humans to clear the planet for colonization, but an interplanetary war put an end to that, since then they have been roaming the planet, doing maintenance on one another, and taking prisoner whatever life form stumbled in their direction.

Steven takes the Doctor and friends to the roof, the only place that is Mechonoid free. It just so happens that on the roof is a drum that is filled with cabling. The Doctor devises a plan of escape; they will lower the cabling over the side and climb down it. In fact, they really have no choice, for at that very moment the Daleks come crashing into the Mechonoid city. The Daleks and the Mechonoids start to battle one another, amidst the chaos, the Doctor sneaks into the room and plants his bomb. A Dalek runs into it, sets it off, and a fire erupts. The TARDIS crew is ready to go, when Vicki has a panic attack. The Doctor blind folds Vicki, while Ian ties cable around her waist. The slowly lower her down to safety. Steven notices the building is on fire, let's go of the cable, and runs to save his mascot, Hi Fi. The Doctor and companions manage to recover just in the nick of time, sparing Vicki the fate of becoming a human pancake. 

The rest of the crew climb down to safety, while the Daleks and the Mechonoids destroy one another. The Mechonoid  city goes up in a blaze; the fate of Steven is unknown to the Doctor and crew. Later, he is seen stumbling through the jungle, some how surviving the inferno. The TARDIS crew stumble upon the Dalek time machine, Ian has a little fun by impersonating a Dalek. The Doctor has won the day! The Doctor comments on what a remarkable piece of technology the Dalek time machine is and how it managed to stay on their heels throughout time and space. Ian and Barbara realize that they can use the time machine to get back home and plead their case to the Doctor. He is reluctant at first, but eventually gives into their wishes and shows them how to work the machine. They materialize in an abandoned garage in 1965. Ian activates the self destruct mechanism on the time machine, and he and Barbara run for cover. The two go sight seeing throughout London. This is a rather effective moment, achieved through the use of still photos. At one point they stumble upon a police box and are relieved to find out that it is a real one. They get on a city bus and try to come up with a story that will explain their two year absence. The Doctor and Vicki watch them on the Time Space Visualiser; Vicki is overjoyed that they landed safely, while the Doctor is saddened to see them gone. END OF THE CHASE.  What about Steven, you ask? Well, it is revealed in next week's episode that he stowed aboard the TARDIS.

The Chase is too muddled to be classified as a good Doctor Who serial, but it's never boring, either. Just when you think have you seen everything, it throws another surprise your way. It may not be good surprise, but it sure as hell won't put you to sleep. It's an extremely fun story if you catch it in the right frame of mind. It's certainly no worse than the atrocity that is The Last of the Time Lords. 

It also needs to be said that William Hartnell is vastly underrated as the Doctor. Hell, many fans of the new Doctor Who have probably never heard of William Hartnell. This is a great shame!  Tom Baker and David Tennant are the names that usually spring to mind when people talk about their favorite Doctor. I wouldn't say Hartnell is my favorite Doctor, but the more I see him the more I like him. Indeed, there is no Doctor Who without William Hartnell. Many of the eccentricities that fans associate with the Doctor originate in Hartnell's performance. His Doctor possessed great intelligence, but could be incredibly absented minded at time. He had a great whimsy about him, but also an extremely volatile temper. There was a great air of mystery surrounding the First Doctor, that seemed to lessen with each incarnation. You never knew what Hartnell's Doctor was capable of; each week he surprised you with something new. In An Unearthly Child, he is a sinister figure and, for the most part, the villain of the piece. At one point in the serial, he contemplates smashing in the head of a wounded caveman with a rock, because the man is a hindrance to the group; Ian intervenes before the Doctor can enact his plan. Yet, despite his seemingly sinister exterior, there was a glint of benevolence waiting to be stirred up. The audience sensed he was a good guy at heart, largely due to the strong bond he had with his granddaughter Susan. She was his soft spot that offered a glimpse into his "humanity." As the series progressed, the Doctor grew as a character, the good side emerged and he formed a tight bond with Ian and Barbara as well. Hartnell brought a lot of conviction to the role; there was never any hint that he was sending up the material.
There was also an air of vulnerability about Hartnell's Doctor (and Troughton's for the matter), he was a frail old man who could drop dead any minute. Every time he went up against a villain, it often felt like a mismatch in their favor, but some how the Doctor would persevere. Flash forward to Jon Pertwee as the Doctor, and the audience was 100% each time that the Doctor would win out, because Pertwee cut such an imposing figure. No monster stood a chance against him. It's this vulnerability that makes the Doctor such a unique hero, especially in the same decade that brought James Bond to the silver screen. He was not a dashing lady killer who beat his rivals senseless, but rather a cantankerous old man who used every ounce of his brain to outwit his opponents. William Hartnell was a wonderful Doctor and the fan base owes his a great deal of thanks for his memorable characterization.

Credits:

Cast: William Hartnell (The Doctor), William Russell (Ian Chesterton), Jacqueline Hill (Barbara Wright), Maureen O' Brien (Vicki), Peter Purves (Steven Taylor/Morton Dill).

Director: Richard Martin
Writer: Terry Nation

The Beatles vs. Elvis: A Hard Day's Night (1964), Girl Happy (1965)

In high school, there was a book that I constantly checked out from the library called The Great Movies by William Bayer; it was essentially a greatest movies ever list, but what made Bayer's book so compelling was that instead of choosing 100 movies, he chose 60. He made his selections by choosing 12 genres of film and then choosing five movies from each genre, hence the 60 movies. It was to my utter joy that years later I was able to locate a copy online and purchase it for an extremely low price ($7.99).  What's amazing about Bayer's book is that  he was well ahead of the curve in his selections; the book was published in 1973 and a lot of his selections were from the 60s. Among the films he chose were: 2001: A Space Odyssey, Psycho, Dr. Strangelove, Easy Rider, The Manchurian Candidate, Contempt, and A Hard Day's Night. These films often are found on most critics greatest movies list, but in 1973 these films were fairly recent and it was simply ( at least at the time) unheard to place such current films on a greatest list.  Bayer ranked A Hard Day's Night one of the five greatest Musicals ever made and has this to write:

Like any Astaire-Rogers film, A Hard Day's Night was contrived as a star vehicle. It was commissioned in frantic haste by United Artists as an exploitation film about the Beatles. Executives of the UA were convinced that the group's popularity would crest in 1964 and were most anxious that the film be completed before the bubble burst. (How badly they misunderstood the temper of the times. There is no question that the Beatles' place in musical history is more secure than that, for example, of Julie Andrews, but the film-industry executives, who business is presumably is fantasy fulfillment, rarely have shown much understanding of what the public craves.) 

At the same time the Beatles were making A Hard Day's Night, Elvis Presley was cranking out movies (and high profitably movie soundtracks) for MGM.  Like A Hard Day's Night these films were low risk, high reward ventures; they cost relatively little to make and often made a profit. Unlike the Beatles, Elvis Presley (at this time at least) was not working with a director of the caliber of Richard Lester, though I'm sure most  Superman fans would differ. His films were fairly formulaic and were turned out in an efficient, factory pace. His director on Girl Happy was the workmanlike Boris Sagal, who was more interested in delivering a product than making a genuinely good movie. Elvis films in the 60s all had the same skeletal outline:

1) An attractive leading lady that would serve as a romantic interest for the Elvis character. Often the two got off to a shaky start, but inevitably Elvis' charms and the scenery would win over the lovely lady.
2) A rock n roll number practically every ten minutes, just to remind the audience that this is an Elvis film and the soundtrack was readily available in stores.
3) A misunderstanding that throws a wrench in the romantic works; the leading lady makes a false assumption about Elvis that could easily be settled if they chose to listen what he had to say, as opposed to just brushing him off.
4) An old, respected character actor who brings humor and warmth to the proceedings.
5) Attractive scenery, be it nice summer beaches, palm trees, or beautiful women in bikinis.

Girl Happy is the quintessential Elvis Presley movie, because it has all of these things. In it, Rusty Wells (Elvis Presley) and his band promise a Chicago mobster/club owner that they will look after his daughter, Valerie (Shelley Fabares), who is on spring break in Ft. Lauderdale with her friends. Rusty and his band initially plan on going to Ft. Lauderdale for a week long vacation, but their plans seem dashed when Big Frank tells them that he's going to book them to play his club for the next four, maybe even six weeks. However, when Rusty finds out the Big Frank's daughter is going to Ft. Lauderdale for spring break, he uses Big Frank's fatherly concerns his advantage; he talks Big Franks into letting him and his band go down to Ft. Lauderdale to "protect" Valerie from all the sex maniacs running amok.Big Frank is grateful for Rusty's concerns and offers to pay all the expenses their trip, but he also makes it clear to Rusty that if anything should happen to his daughter, then it will be curtains for him and his band. This is to be done with Valerie being completely ignorant of the arrangement; Big Frank wants to make it appear as if Valerie has complete freedom over the week.  At first this seems like an easy task as Valerie comes off as being something of a nerd, she wears *the horror* GLASSES and dresses in a fairly conservative, drab manner. However, things take a turn for the unexpected when at the poolside, Valerie strips off the conservative wear to reveal a fairly rockin' bikini clad body. This gives Rusty a near heart attack. At first, Rusty finds Valerie to be a complete burden; looking after her has become a near full time job and becomes a wearisome cock block on his budding romance with the curvaceous Deena (Mary Ann Mobley). However, eventually Rusty warms towards Valerie and finds himself falling in love with her, much to the surprise of his band members, but not to the audience. Valerie returns his feelings and all indicators are that this going to be a happy ending. Valerie is so happy that when Big Frank calls her, she tells him the wonderful news about Rusty. Big Franks laughs and spills the beans to Valerie that he is paying Rusty to look after her. This naturally upsets Valerie and she decides to make Rusty's life a living hell, first by calling one of her admirers, the Italian exchange student Romano, and then by getting completely plastered. UH-OH! Will Rusty be able to win her love back? Of course, he will! This is an Elvis movie, not Contempt. 

It's often a misconception that while Elvis was a great singer, he was not a particularly good actor. This conception is largely due to the fact that Elvis movies got progressively worse as the decade wore on and he was, for the most part, never allowed to play an actual character but a rather variation of himself. Yet, when given good material, Elvis was actually quite good. Elvis made 31 feature films and while most of them are rather forgettable, there were a few that were rather good: Jailhouse Rock, It Happened at the World's Fair, Flaming Star, and King Creole. Flaming Star is of interest, because it is not a typical Elvis film, it is in fact a straightforward western with an excellent performance by Elvis. Not surprisingly, it's one of the few times Elvis was paired with a genuinely good director (Don Siegel), resulting in a genuinely good movie.
While Girl Happy is by no means a "good" movie, it definitely benefits greatly from having Elvis as the lead. It could have easily been written for Frankie Avalan, or any other popular croner at the time; with the exception of Elvis, it's fairly indistinguishable from all the other Beach movies of the time. In fact, four of Elvis co-star were beach movie regulars (Fabares, Mary Ann Mobley, Chris Noel, and Gail Gilmore).
The script was essentially dusted off in 2003 and made into the legendary bomb From Justin to Kelly. Girl Happy is a forgettable, yet fairly entertaining movie, while From Justin to Kelly is genuinely awful, despite the complimentary things the cast and director say on the commentary track. Yet, for the most part both screenplays are equally silly and at times cringe worthy, while the soundtracks to both are nothing special. However, the difference between the two is:

1) Elvis is quite possibly the most charismatic singer in modern history and this carries over onto film. Elvis' talent was limitless to the point where he could take a moldy jockstrap and turn it into pure gold. The musical numbers in Girl Happy are forgettable, but Elvis performs them with such energy that they are fun to watch. Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson, however, lack Elvis' screen presence and are complete bores, which in turn makes the musical numbers are a complete chore to sit through. From Justin to Kelly is only 80 minutes long, but it feels a lot longer.

2) Elvis and Shelley Fabares actually have onscreen chemistry.It's extremely easy to believe that Valerie would fall for a charismatic singer like Rusty, but it's also not surprising  when Rusty admits his love for Valerie, because she is a likable character. In the film Valerie is an extremely smart, but sheltered woman and Fabares manages to pull this with a simple gesture. When she first meets Rusty, he is serenading her with a guitar, yet rather than falling for him completely, she views him with complete skepticism. She may have lead an overprotected life, but she is not naive to ways of the world.  Incidentally, Fabares would  co-star with Elvis in two more films Clambake and Spinout, and by all accounts, she was his favorite leading actress.
Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson on the other hand, look and act as if they would rather be somewhere else.  It's hard to believe that a self absorbed, superficial guy like Justin would obsess over Kelly Clarkson's character. Not to sound superficial and sexist, but the average looking Clarkson wouldn't exactly stand out on a beach that is littered with bikini clad beauties. The budding romance between Justin and Kelly never feels organic to the film, rather it happens, because the script demands it. Hell, the two stars would have been served had they made a film where the played arch rivals out to destroy one another. It would be far more believable than them being lovers. Oddly enough, despite being set in Ft. Lauderdale during spring break and being made in 2003, From Justin to Kelly is so chaste that Girl Happy is a soft core porn by comparison. Justin is looking to get laid, like most college guys during spring break, but is content with just holding hands with the sweet natured Kelly. It sets up a couple of potentially raunchy scenarios (a whip cream bikini contest), but resolves them in the most unoffensive, G-Rated way possible; Kelly sprays Justin with a whip cream aerosol can, while the the female contestants are in the background, out of focus. Whereas in Girl Happy, it is fairly obvious what's on Rusty's mind when he's with the shapely Deena.  In one scene, Rusty and his band are playing a gig at a local bar, while  Valerie, in a skimpy costume, struts around the stage, carrying a sign that reads "I'm Evil." This musical number alone has more of a sexual charge to it than anything that can be found in From Justin To Kelly...yet it's completely tame by today's standards.

While Girl Happy was your standard 60s beach movies, with a great lead, A Hard Day's Night was something completely different; the Beatles played themselves as opposed to a fictional band. This, in itself,  isn't anything new; in the first "official" rock n' roll film Rock Around the Clock, Bill Haley and The Comets played themselves, but were essentially relegated to supporting roles, despite their first billing. Rock Around the Clock is more about their manager trying to promote their music to the record companies and the complications that ensue, rather than the personalities of Bill Haley and the Comets. This was the formula that most rock n' roll musicals from the 50s followed, the rock n' roll acts would show up just long enough to sing a few hit song, take a few bows, and then exit from the film.
It was also common for rock n' roll films at the time to take a defensive stance towards the music, Rock Around the Clock features a subplot in which a parent group protests Bill Haley playing his music in their town, because they are afraid it will lead to juvenile delinquency.  However, by the film's end, Bill Haley has won the parent group over and everyone lives happily ever after. A Hard Day's Night does away with all of this. There is never any attempt by the filmmakers to defend the Beatles music, nor are they ever made out to be "heroes." There's no scene in which John heroically saves a child from the fire. Or where Ringo lectures a children about the importance of the school. The Beatles are presented simply as themselves, vices and all.
A Hard Day's Night is a pseudo-documentary about the day in the life of The Beatles. The first shot says it all; the Beatles are being chased by a mob screaming fans as they try to get aboard a train. The Beatles may dodge a few responsibilities (answering fan mail), but they take their music seriously.
I said A Hard Day's Night is a pseudo-documentary, because despite it's direct cinema approach (hand held camera, improvisation), it often bends the rules of reality. In one scene, John is playing with a toy submarine, while taking a bath. He pretends he has been hit by a torpedo and sinks beneath the soap suds. Meanwhile, George is giving Shake lessons on how to use a safety razor; he demonstrates his technique by using Shake's reflection in a mirror. Just then the manager Norm comes in and tells George that a car is waiting outside to take them to the TV studio. He asks George where John is and George says in the bathtub. Norm yells at John to get out of the bathtub, but gets no response. He then drains the bathtub by pulling out the plug and to his utter shock John is not there. He looks down the drain and screams, "John!" Just then John emerges from the right of frame, in a bathrobe, and berates Norm for standing around.

The humor in A Hard Day's Night is often absurd, extremely nonsensical, it springs from the Beatles personalities rather than from the plot itself. The scene mentioned above really has no function to the overall story line, it's just John being John. In one scene, the Beatles have to mingle with the press and they often give silly answers to rather silly questions. My favorite bit being:

Reporter: What would you call that hair cut?
George: Arthur!

The film in may ways is stolen by Wilfred Brambell, who plays Paul's mischievous grandfather. He always seems to have a scheme up his sleeve; at one point he uses Ringo's invitation to get inside a casino and proceeds to accumulate a huge debt. At the end of the film, he persuades Ringo to quit the band and go parading across the city; this naturally ends with Ringo winding up in jail, as he unintentionally manages to offend the locals with his clumsiness.  Paul's grandfather is essentially the glue that holds the movie together, because he is the center of the story; it's his antics that often lead to crisis-es that the Beatles must overcome.

The humor in Girl Happy is fairly contrived, often something that could be found in a TV sitcom. In Girl Happy, Rusty has just spent the entire day hanging out with Valerie and the two agree to meet in his hotel room for dinner, he goes inside his room and much to his surprise finds Deena waiting for him. Rather than tell Deena the truth, he tells her that he's tired and tries to escort her out the front door, only to find Valerie heading in his direction. He takes Deena and hides her on the back patio, telling her he will be right back. As the scene plays out, Rusty keeps running back and forth, entertaining both women simultaneously, hoping to keep them hidden from one another's sight. This scene mercifully comes to an end when Valerie is called to the telephone. You can find this scene in practically every TV sitcom and it's just as irritating in this film, as it was in Three's Company and other TV shows  At this point in the film Rusty has completely fallen for Valerie and has essentially forgotten about Deena, which makes his dishonesty all the more annoying. You're practically screaming at him to just tell Deena the truth, so she can be on her way and find someone else, but instead he keeps stalling. It's an extremely long and lame scene that exists solely to create tension between our two love birds. It's at this moment that Big Frank reveals to Valerie that he hired Rusty to look after her. Right after hearing this startling revelation, Valerie looks out her window to see Deena leaving Rusty's room with Rusty in tow. UH-OH! It's also the moment where everyone in the theater lets out a collective groan. Really? I know Elvis movies are formulaic, but do they have to be this obvious?

The other main difference between the two films is the way they stage their musical numbers. Girl Happy was shot on a sound stage at MGM, so everything is shot in a conventional manner: An establishing shot of the location, followed by a close up of Elvis singing. The number that stands out is "Spring Fever" in which the film cross cuts between shots of Rusty and his band singing in his car with shots of Valerie and her friends singing in her car. This scene is done with the rear projection effect; in which a mock up of a car is placed in front of a screen, where road footage is being projected on. It's not a convincing effect and is especially clumsy looking in this film, but the song itself is fairly catchy and a lot of fun to listen to.
In A Hard Day's Night, each musical number is shot in a different fashion. The "Can't Buy Me Love" number is done in a non diagetic fashion, in which the music springs from the soundtrack, as opposed from a source within the narrative; The Beatles dance around on a field, while the song blares on the soundtrack. Whereas, "I Should Have Known Better" is interesting, because it often the bends the laws of reality for the sake of the song; the scene cuts between shots of the Beatles playing cards  to shots of the Beatles playing instruments.The number is set in a baggage car on a train, while a bunch of young woman look on from behind a fence; at one point one of the girls sticks her hand through the cage to have a grab at Ringo's hair. In some shots John is seen singing, in others he's fully invested in the card game. It's an extremely unconventional musical number and would serve as a template that music videos would later follow.

The question often asked is: are you a Beatles person or an Elvis person? Well, to be frank..I am both. The Beatles are probably my favorite band of all time, but Elvis is one of the most remarkable talents the world has ever seen. And it's safe to say without Elvis, there might have been no Beatles.While Elvis never came close to making a film as good as A Hard Day's Night, his presence alone was often enough to overcome weak scripts and bad direction. The Beatles managed to capture lighting in the bottle with A Hard Day's Night; they only made two other feature films afterwards, Help! and The Magic Mystery Tour; I don't include Yellow Submarine, because their involvement was fairly minimal and Let It Be is a documentary. Help! is an extremely entertaining film, but it's not on par with A Hard Day's Night, even though it was directed by Richard Lester. Too often the Beatles gets overshadowed by the wacky supporting cast, though Leo McKern is hilarious as a cult leader. The Magical Mystery Tour has a great soundtrack...and that's about it. The film is an incoherent mess and is completely boring to boot; nothing literally happens.

Credits:
 A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Cast:  John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr (themselves), Wilfred Brambell (Paul's Grandfather), Norman Rossington (Norm), John Junkin (Shake), Victor Spinetti (T.V. Director), Anna Quayle (Millie), Deryck Guyler (Police Inspector), Richard Vernon (Man On Train).

Director: Richard Lester
Screenplay: Alun Owen
Running Time: 87 min.

Girl Happy (1965)
Cast: Elvis Presley (Rusty Wells), Shelley Fabares (Valerie), Harold J. Stone (Big Frank), Mary Ann Mobley (Deena), Gary Crosby (Andy), Joby Baker (Wilbur), Jimmy Hawkins (Doc),  Nita Talbot (Sunny Daze),Chris Noel (Betsy),  Peter Brooks (Brentwood von Durgenfeld), Fabrizio Mioni (Romano), Jackie Coogan (Sgt. Benson), John Fielder (Mr. Penchill), Gail Gilmore (Nancy).

Director: Boris Sagal
Screenplay: Harvey Bullock, R.S. Allen
Running Time: 96 min.

The Girls on the Beach (1965)

The Girls on the Beach? What kind of sleazy soft-core porn is this and why would you want to review it on a family friendly website? Calm down my friends! For you are mistaken about two things:

1.This isn't a family friend website
2.Girls on the Beach is not a sleazy soft-core porn, but rather an obscure Beach movie made in the 60s. How obscure? It is so obscure that it doesn't even have its own entry on Wikipedia. This is really sad, considering that similarly inept, but far less enjoyable Wild Wild Winter does.

If the film is remembered it is for three musical numbers performed by The Beach Boys.  The ironic thing is that despite showcasing the Beach Boys, the movie's plot centers on a sorority trying to get the Beatles to play at their fundraiser. This is ironic, because the Beatles for all intensive purposes put an end to surfing music and were the Beach Boys number one rival at the time. Imagine you’re the Beach Boys: you land a gig appearing in a beach movie, you’re revved up about your music being exposed to countless movie goers, only to learn that you’re playing second fiddle to the Beatles in a film that they do not appear in. The Girls on the Beach was made to cash in on the Beatles popularity, yet it features neither the Beatles nor any of their songs. It’s pretty evident that the filmmakers thought the Beatles were a fad, as they often have older characters making discouraging remarks about the band. Early in the film two waiters have the following exchange:

Waiter: Beatles? Why don’t they go back from where they came from?
Waiter 2: England?
Waiter: No, under a rock!

At another point in the film, when the sorority gets a (fake) telegram telling them that The Beatles will be playing their fundraiser, their housemother Mrs. Winters objects,"What this about beetles? I had this entire placed fumigated."

When the girls correct Mrs. Winters on her mistake and inform her that the Beatles are a band, she replies,"Oh, yes. I saw them on Ed Sullivan. Lovely boys! They certainly could use a haircut."

Little did poor Mrs. Winters realize that in a few years time the Beatles mop top haircuts would seem rather conservative, almost boring compared to the hairstyles that would dominate that late sixties. Again, it is ironic how the Beatles music has remained timeless through the decades while movies like this  have been long forgotten. In 1964, AIP released Bikini Beach, a movie in which the surfer community is threatened by the presence of a British rocker called “The Potato Bug.” In it, Frankie and the other surfers  mock him for his overuse of the word “yeah” and essentially are presented as the voice of reason while the girls swoon over his awful brand of rock. The “Potato Bug” is also presented as being somewhat of a buffoon, who wouldn't last five minutes in the real world, if it wasn't for his tough female security guard. Like The Girls on the Beach, the filmmakers thought the Beatles were a fad that would be forgotten in a few months time, and like the former, no one really remembers much about Bikini Beach.

We open our exciting story at the Sip N’ Surf, a local beach club where all the college students hang out for a good time. Four bikini clad sorority girls (Selma, Georgia, Cynthia, Bonnie) are sitting back and enjoying the house band The Cricketts (Buddy Holly’s former band) when Georgia points out they are being stared at by three guys sitting at the opposite end of the club. These guys have been staring at them for quite some time, 34 minutes to be exact. This leads to frustration on Georgia’s part and she has the following exchange with the angelic Bonnie, who is donned in a silver bikini and is the prettiest little…sorry….I lost focus for a second, back to the exchange:

Georgia: If they stare at us one minute more, I’ll blow my top.
Bonnie: Oh, their staring bothers you?
Georgia: Sure. They should have been over here by now.

The girls have a good chuckle over Georgia’s witty remark and go one with their business while the three guys (Duke, Wayne, Brian) are debating on when to make their move. Wayne and Brian are ready to socialize with the girls, but Duke points out that there are “three of us and four of them” and that it creates a problem. Wayne suggests they flip a coin to see who gets the fourth. Duke will have none of that and reminds his two toadies that, “This is the battle of the sexes. If we’re going to capture the enemy, we got to fight them smart.”
To which Brian replies,” I don’t want to fight them. I want to fraternize.”

As luck would have it Selma is called to the telephone, which evens the numbers for the boys. They get up from the chairs and slowly work their way to the girls table. Just when it looks like they are about to make contact with the opposite sex, Selma comes back and tells the girls they have to go. The boys are absolutely deflated by the cruel cock block that fate has delivered to them. Duke tries to console his lackeys by telling them that there are better fish in the sea. However, Wayne aptly points out that, “There’s better bait than us."

While Brian adds, “Some of these guys have muscles on their muscles.” However, Duke remains optimistic and is determined to hook up with these girls by the end of the week.

The phone call Selma received is from the housemother, Mrs. Winter, who has an urgent message for the girls and needs them back at the sorority house immediately. After a depressing drive, in which Georgia laments the fact that the boys were finally going to make their move, the girls arrive at the sorority house to find Lesley Gore singing, “Leave Me Alone.”

She finishes her song and Mrs. Winters urges the other sorority members to go out and enjoy the weather, while she has a discussion with the student council. It appears that the girl’s extension on the mortgage has been denied and they owe the bank 10,000 dollars in two weeks or else they will lose the house. Selma says there’s no need to panic, they can just dip into the “Alpha Beta Treasury Reserve Fund” and pay off the rest of the mortgage; they have been saving up a nest egg for just such an emergency. It seems all their problems are solved, until Mrs. Winters confesses that she has embezzled the reserve fund to help out former Alpha Beta members and a few other less fortunate people she knows. The girls are moved to tears by Mrs.Winters truly selfless act of thievery and Selma speaks for them all when she declares, “You are a thief……and we’re proud of you.”

What? While Mrs.Winters did use the money for noble reasons, the fact remains that it wasn't her money to give. Only in the movies would an act of embezzlement be considered a good thing; in real life the girls probably would have screamed at poor Mrs.Winters for hours, kicked her out of the house, and called the police on her do gooding old ass. However, as this is a fun loving beach movie, no such hostilities take place even if they are justified.

The next day the student council calls an emergency meeting and lets the other Alpha Betas in on their horrible predicament. Selma, ever the calm one, suggests they look through the local newspapers for ideas, because sometimes, “the daily newspapers can be the greatest treasury of them all.” Selma stumbles across contests that might help the girls with their plight and they are:

1.A cake recipe contest.
The first prize is convertible.
The second is a speed boat.
The third is a washer/dryer combo.
“It doesn't matter what the prize is, “as Selma points out, because it will be converted to cash.

2.An Easter Beauty Contest.
The winner will receive 3,000 dollars.
Patricia Johnson, the prettiest girl in the sorority (a debatable point as she does not hold a candle to lovely, enchanting creature that is Bonnie...with her silver…oh sorry) is called upon to enter the contest. She is reluctant to do so, as it might upset her fiancé Frank. Selma resolves this by telling Patricia she will enter the contest under the assumed name of Mary Jackson. It can’t fail.

3.A newspaper puzzle.
The prize: unknown.
Selma calls upon the sorority sex bomb Arlene to seduce nerdy Stu Rankin into solving the puzzle. Arlene says she feels patriotic in her assignment.

And finally there’s the ace in hole: The sorority will hold a big fundraising show and charge five dollars a person to get in. Hey, with artists like The Beach Boys, The Cricketts, and Lesley Gore hanging around, they’re bound to make a fortune. Nope. In fact, the girls only consider letting the Beach Boys play their fundraiser, while completely ignoring Lesley Gore and the Cricketts. They decide the best solution is to scour the entertainment magazines to see if they can find a top flight act for their fundraiser. You hear that Brian Wilson: you’re band is good, but not good enough to headline a sorority fundraiser. The next day we find Selma, Cynthia and Georgia looking at an entertainment magazine on the beach, unaware that they are being spied on through a set of binoculars by Duke and his two Neanderthal pals. Duke sees the entertainment magazine and deduces that the girls’ obsession with celebrities is their Achilles heel and instructs his two mongoloids to name drop big celebrity names as they casually walk by:

Duke: Fellows! Next time we come down here we gotta bring Rock.
Wayne: Why Rock? Why not Troy?
Brian: I’m not sure Mrs. Donahue would approve.

The girls can’t believe what they heard; they debate whether or not if these guys really know these big name celebrities and then come to the conclusion that it is worth the risk if it can help them out. Just then Duke walks over and asks,“Any of you girls got a watch? We’d like to know the time.”
Georgia replies,"No! We haven’t got any watches, but we got plenty of time.”

This is the time for me to point out that Georgia is far and away the most likable character in Girls on the Beach. This is mainly due to the fact that Gail Gilmore is the best actress out of the four and is able to bring a lot enthusiasm into her characterization of Georgia, while the other actresses often seem to be going through the motions. Whenever there’s a scene in which the Beach Boys are performing a song, the other characters look lost and just stand around, while Georgia is dancing up a storm and having what looks to be a genuinely good time. It’s to Gilmore’s credit as an actress that her lines (like the preceding one) are often funny as opposed to being suicide inducing.

We interrupt the main story for a comic interlude involving two Alpha Beta girls working on a Chocolate Pecan flavored cake. The girls have a taste test and determine that the frosting is just tad bit too sweet, so the nerdy one of the bunch says she can render it right by adding 1/10 centigram of the formula to the cake. She sprays on the formula and the cake EXPLODES. This is recurring gag throughout the film; the girls work on a cake and it explodes. My theory is that the cake exploding scenes were added when the producers realized that their film was running five minutes too short and needed some filler. They saw the first cake exploding scene, deemed it a work of genius, and ordered the director to film two more cake explosions.

Back to the main story line……nope…first we get a brief musical interlude of The Beach Boys singing “The Lonely Sea.” Everyone sits around while Brian Wilson sings. However, my eyes are focused on Bonnie standing behind Brian Wilson in her flashy silver bikini. SWWWOOOOOON! Oh Lana Wood! You can’t act, but you surely are wonderful to look at. Must concentrate on film review! Hilarious hi-jinks pursue as Arlene asks Stu if he thinks the moon is romantic and he responds by stating all sorts of facts about the moon and the solar system; Arlene shuts up him by giving a nice long kiss on the lips. She finally manages to reduce the poor sap into a quivering mold of jelly. That newspaper puzzle is as good as solved now that Stu has been seduced, as Duke would say, by the enemy. With that musical interlude out of the way, we are back to our main story already in progress….. oh wait….another Beach Boys musical number set inside the Sip N’ Surf. This time the band performs “Little Honda.” Dennis Wilson has a hard time concentrating on the drums as his eyes are focused on the button cute Georgia dancing right next him. It easily the most fun musical number in the entire film; the exchanges between Dennis Wilson and Gail Gilmore are entertaining to watch, certainly compared to the other music numbers in which every one just sits around and stares at the performing artists.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled story line already in progress: Selma tells Duke that she’s considering having The Beach Boys play her fundraiser and remarks that they’re almost as good as The Beatles. Duke starts laughing and says the boys (meaning The Beatles) will be amused by her comments. This leads to another cringe worthy exchange between Selma and Duke:

Selma: You know the Beatles personally?
Duke: Doesn’t everybody?

Selma doesn't believe Duke and thinks he’s joking. Duke is adamant in his claim and sets to silence Selma’s skepticism by calling Ringo on the telephone. Just when you think it’s absolutely impossible for this movie to get any more idiotic, it proceeds to prove you wrong, shattering your belief system and forcing you to question your faith in humankind. OK, it’s not that bad. Duke's scheme for fooling the girls involves the following:

1. First he finds a payphone outside the Sip N Surf
2. He tells the Lot Attendant to enter the Sip N Surf in five minutes and to make the following announcement, “Will the owner of the black 61 convertible please move it?” He pays the guy for his trouble.
3. He then tells one of the waiters (Roger Corman regular Dick Miller) that he’s expecting a call from from London, England and he wishes to be paged when it comes through.
4. He sits down and tells the girls that he just put his call through and that it will take a few minutes.
5. Just then the lot attendant enters the Sip N Surf and makes the announcement about the black 61 convertible. Duke gets up to “move” his car.
6. Duke walks to the payphone outside and dials the Sip N Surf’s number. The waiter answers and in a bad British accent asks, “Is there a Duke Powers there?”
7. The waiter pages for Duke Powers. Wayne gets up to answer the phone, Duke tells him all about his scam and to put Selma on the phone.
8. Selma answers the phone and is completely fooled by Dukes horrible Ringo Starr imitation. To replicate the sound of long distance static, Duke crumples a sheet of paper in front of his mouth.

Here’s just some of the brilliant dialogue that Duke vomits out while doing his best bad Ringo impression:

Duke: Hello? I say I can’t hear you too well! Who is this?
Selma: Is this really Ringo?
Duke: It jolly well is. I’ll prove it. (starts singing) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Selma, completely elated that she is talking to THE Ringo Starr, boldly asks him if the Beatles will headline the Alpha Beta Sorority Fundraiser. Duke hesitates to give her an answer, but finally tells her that they might be able to play the fundraiser, though it's a complete long shot. Selma tells the rest of girls and just the very idea that the Beatles might play their fundraiser blows them all away.

Duke, realizing he can score big time if he can deliver the Beatles, goes to the telegram office the next day and has the messenger send a fake wire from London, England that says the Beatles will be playing the fundraiser. Wayne and Brian are at first reluctant to go along with Duke’s scheme and even question his ethic. However, Duke wins them over with the following argument:

You guys want to score with these chicks, don’t you? When they read this telegram we’ll be
their idols, we’ll be their heroes. They’ll do anything we want them to do.

Brian then wonders what will happen when the Beatles fail to show up on Saturday. Duke put his fears at ease when he says, “Come Saturday and no us will be here.” It’s Tuesday, which gives them a few days to “enjoy the spoils.”

Back at the sorority home, Mrs. Winters apologizes for all the trouble she has put the girls through, but Selma won’t hear any of it and insists that, “This is real fun! It’s like being in a movie or something.” Before the audience has time to groan over Selma’s statement, the telegram messenger arrives with Duke’s fake wire from London, England. Selma reads it and excitedly tells all the girls that the Beatles will be headlining the fundraiser. The place erupts with squeals and thunderous applause. The day is saved, or so it appears.

Cut to a scene involving Patricia and her fiancé Frank at an outdoor restaurant:

Frank: Two yogurts!
Patricia: Frank, I don’t like yogurt.
Frank: But it’s good for you.

While waiting for the yogurts, Frank starts thumbing through the newspaper, when all of a sudden Patricia sees a picture of herself in the first round of the beauty contest. At first, she tries to cut the picture out of the newspaper before Frank can see it. When that fails, she takes a match and sets the paper on fire. Frank demands to know what happened; Patricia blames it on a discarded cigarette butt. Frank grabs Patricia by the hand, gets up, and tells the waitress, “I will not eat in a place where people smoke.”

The boys stop by the sorority house, where they learn from Mrs. Winters that the girls are out, “Advertising, distributing leaflets, selling tickets, and renting the Sip N Surf for the Beatles.” Duke and his cronies feel like complete heels for fooling the girls into believing the Beatles are coming. Just then the messenger arrives with another telegram for Selma. Mrs. Winters takes it and brings it inside. Duke asks the messenger what the telegram says and he tells them the telegram is from London, England and that Selma is getting sued by the Beatles management for “fraudulent misrepresentation.” The boys realize they’re in trouble, but rather than tell Selma the truth, Duke convinces his underlings to climb up to Selma’s room and steal the telegram. His plan is to keep Selma in the dark long enough so he can get laid and then he will return the telegram, so that when she does find out, he and his bumbling sidekicks will have safely left town. It can’t fail! Right?

Before the guys can sneak into Selma’s room, we cut to a scene of Patricia in the second round of the beauty contest: the talent show. Patricia’s talent is apparently shaking her hips and boobs in a provocative manner, while occasionally smacking her butt against the judges table. However, the judges are impressed and Patricia goes on to win the 500 dollar talent award. The girls can now afford to rent out the Sip N Surf for their awesome Beatles filled fundraiser. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Back at the sorority house, the guys climb up a ladder that is conveniently located outside of Selma’s room. And not surprising, after the third one (Brian) climbs into Selma’s room; he sneezes and kicks over the ladder. The guys snatch the telegram and are about to walk out the front door, when the entire sorority comes bursting in. The guys retreat up to Selma’s room to think up an escape plan and I bet you can guess what it is.....
 If you said dressing up in drag, then give yourself a pat on the back. The boys don girls wigs and clothing, and slowly make their way to the front door to avoid any sort of suspicion. The girls seem to fall for the ruse and one even makes the comment that Brian is a "cute girl." The boys reach the front door, victory is within their grasp, but just then a group of random male party goers come crashing in through the door. Naturally, the male party goers start hitting on the Duke and company, while ignoring the far more attractive (and genuine) women in the house.  We are then treated to some very funny exchanges (and I’m not being sarcastic at all when I write this):

Male: Don’t I know you from some place?
Duke: (in a high pitch girly voice) I bet you say that to all the girls.

Male 2: Hey babe, how about a kiss?
Brian: Brute! My mother doesn’t believe in kissing.
Male 2: Yeah! But I don’t want to kiss your mother.

The boys finally successfully escape the sorority house, but not before Wayne’s cover is blown when he loses his wig after a flipping a frisky male over his shoulder. Then we are treated to the most awkward piece of exposition ever present on celluloid: A young couple that we haven’t seen before are sitting on the beach talking about the upcoming Beatles show, then the girl mentions that the sorority Sigma Phi is initiating Freshmen this week and for their initiation the girls have to bring back a lock of Beatles hair. Hmmm! I wonder if this is going to come back later in the story. No way!

It’s time for the show and the Beatles are nowhere to be seen. The rest of the girls are worried, but Selma has a feeling they’re on their way right now. Just then Duke arrives; Selma is excited and tells him he has to pick the Beatles up at the airport. Duke finally reveals his lie to Selma:

I didn’t hear from the Beatles and they are not coming. Selma, I’m the world’s youngest dirty old man.

He apologizes for misleading her, but Selma screams at him to get out of her face. He walks away, while Selma regroups with the girls and hatches up her own hair brained scheme: Georgia will drive to the costume shop, pick up four Beatles costumes,then the girls will dress up in them and pretend to be the Beatles. Sounds like a fool proof plan to me! To distract the crowd until Georgia gets back, Selma has Patricia go up onstage and do her “exotic” form of dancing. This works for a few minutes, until Frank shows up and starts cat calling, unaware that it's his fiancee' dancing. 

He starts shouting, “We want more. That’s want we want. More. More.”

 Patricia grabs an acoustic guitar and smashes it over his head, upset over the fact that he didn’t know it was her dancing.

Georgia finally arrives with the costumes and in a blink of an eye the four sorority council members get on stage decked in Beatles garb, singing a non-Beatles song:

This feeling from my heart
Has been there from the start.

And then they throw in a few “yeah yeah yeahs” for good measure. Despite looking and sounding nothing like the Beatles, the audiences buys into the con and all is going to smoothly until the Sigma Phi initiates storm the stage and grab the girls bad mop top wigs. The girl’s have been exposed and just when it looks like the angry mob is about to lynch them, Duke intervenes and points out that they liked the music the girls were playing. He then calms the crowd down by explaining,"You liked them because they were good.” The crowd realizes he is right and demand that the girls play more songs. The girls oblige, get up on stage, and start singing “I Want to Marry a Beatle.” Everything is right with the world...well except that lawsuit that the filmmakers have conveniently overlooked. The End.

Phew! I had not planned on writing an epic film review of The Girls on the Beach, but you never know the hand life will deal you. In my experience there are films that transcend the label of  good or bad and belong in in a completely separate category; The Girls on the Beach is that type of film. Yes, I know the story line is ridiculous and the filmmakers are often very lazy in their presentation, but despite these flaws (or because of them) The Girls on the Beach is a very entertaining film. What strikes me the most about it is how innocent it is compared to similar modern day comedies; if a studio were to make a film called The Girls on the Beach today, you can bet there would be lots of gratuitous nudity and sex scenes, where as in 1965 just the sight of attractive girls in bikinis was enough to satisfy most male moviegoers' carnal desires.

The most surprising thing about Girls in the Beach is the depiction of the girls themselves; they are intelligent and independent. When Mrs. Winters confesses she stole the reserve fund, the girls don’t panic, but rather hold an emergency sorority meeting to figure out a solution to their dilemma. The girls make their own luck, rather than relying on some outside force to bail them out: when Duke confesses he lied about the Beatles, Selma pushes him aside and instructs Georgia to run down to the costume shop to pick up four Beatles costumes. This is surprising behavior for a woman in a Beach film; usually they are either air headed floozies only interested in having sex, or prudes only interested in settling down with their deadbeat surfer boyfriends (see all the Frankie and Annette Beach movies for further reference). It’s not to say that the lead female characters in The Girls on the Beach aren’t interested in romance (they are), it’s just not their top priority. In many ways Selma’s intelligence is the most problematic aspect of Girls on the Beach, because there is absolutely no way a smart girl like her would ever fall for Duke's horribly transparent ruse. If she was presented in a flakier manner,then maybe it would be easy to accept the sight of her swooning over Duke’s bad Ringo impression.

The other MAJOR flaw (there are a lot of minors flaws as well) is the music numbers by The Cricketts, Lesley Gore, and The Beach Boys; by themselves they are energetic and entertaining (especially the “Little Honda” number by the Beach Boys), but they also take away much of the urgency that the story line requires. You never feel a sense that the girls are in any danger of losing the sorority house, because they spend a good deal of film sitting around with huge smiles on their faces while a rock n’ roll band belts out one of their hit songs. It’s not until the last ten minutes (when Georgia is sent to costume shop to pick up Beatles uniforms) that time starts to play a factor in the story. Will Selma be able to distract the audience long enough until Georgia gets back? Will Georgia get back? What will the audience do when they realize that Beatles aren’t coming? It’s very reminiscent of the 1985 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo in which the main characters are told they have a month to save their recreational center from being torn down, but spend the majority of the film dancing and goofing around, waiting until the last ten minutes to do anything about it.

The best known actor out of the bunch is probably Lana Wood and that’s mainly for two reasons:
1.She is Natalie Wood’s younger sister. Unfortunately, she does not possess the same great acting skills as her older sibling, but then again the script really doesn’t give her too much do, except stand around in a bikini (which she excels at).
2.Her brief appearance in the James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever, where she plays the aptly named Plenty O’ Toole. It’s often regarded as one of the worst entries in the series by the James Bond purists, thought I must admit I have a rather soft spot for it.

The other cast members (with the exception of Dick Miller, who is in practically every other film ever made) did not go on to have such distinguished careers. Aron Kincaid (Wayne) was a pretty popular Beach movie actor in the day, but his star eventually faded; though he would later go on to voice The Killer Croc in Batman: The Animated Series, so at least he can brag about being part of the best super hero cartoon ever made. And to his credit, he is a rather energetic and fun performer, certainly a lot better than the actor (Martin West) that plays Duke.

Gail Gilmore, the true bright spot of the film, retired from acting in the 1970s and lived with famed humorist Terry Southern for the rest of his life. 1965 proved to be a busy year for her as she co-starred with Elvis in the wonderfully absurd Girl Happy and Beach Ball,a slightly better beach movie (If such a thing is possible) in which she virtually plays the same character.

The Girls on the Beach is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Sure, there are moments in the film where I cringe (the name dropping bit in which the guys make reference to Rock Hudson and Troy Donahue; the condescending attitude the film has towards the Beatles), but it’s hard to hate a film that is so good natured. In a way, I’m almost sad that these types of films went out of style, because they’re certainly preferable to heavy sermonizing seen in the raunchy comedies of today (see the American Pie films and The Hall Pass for example…on second thought don’t).

Credits

The Girls On the Beach (1965)
Cast: Noreen Corcoran(Selma), Martin West(Duke), Gail Gilmore, a.k.a. Gale Gerber,(Georgia), Linda Marshall (Cynthia), Aron Kincaid(Wayne), Lana Wood(Bonnie), Steven Rogers(Brian), Sheila Bromley (Mrs.Winters), Anna Capri (Arlene), Linda Saunders(Patricia),Peter Brooks (Stu), Arnold Lessing (Frank), Dick Miller (Waiter), Leo Gordon (Waiter 2), Lesley Gore, The Beach Boys, the Crickets.

Director: William E. Witney
Screenplay: David Malcolm.
Running Time: 80 min.