The Mummy (1999)

How does Stephen Sommers manage to get quality actors to star in his movies? This is a question that has often puzzled me. Sommers is, at best, a poor man's Steven Spielberg. It is clear he has spent a lot of his time studying Spielberg's movies, but has learned very little from them. The Mummy is one of those rare films where an excellent cast is able to salvage a ridiculous screenplay and make it immensely entertaining. In fact, the cast is so good that they often make  Sommers look like a competent director. It's no coincidence that the The Mummy is the best (and only good) movie Sommers ever made.

The Mummy is a remake of the 1932 classic starring the great Boris Karloff, but whereas that film was a tragic, supernatural romance, Sommers' version is an adventure film in the vein of Indiana Jones. There is tons of action, but very little scares.  In fact, the weakest aspect of the film is the mummy itself, as played by Arnold Vosloo. Vosloo actually has a pretty good screen presence, but he isn't really given much to do until the last half hour of the film. Unfortunately for a significant portion of the film, the mummy is brought to life with extremely unconvincing CGI. A lot of time was spent on designing the look of the mummy, but in the end it looks more like an Altered Beast  reject than an actual movie villain.

There are a couple of odd decisions that Sommers makes in his screenplay, like how Imhotep's resurrection could, in essence, bring about the end of the world. In the 1999 film, Imhotep's resurrection brings about plagues on the Egyptian people, escalating in them being covered with boils and turned into mindless zombies controlled by Imhotep. You can argue that it ups the stakes, but it's rather silly plot device that the characters essentially shrug off.  In fact, The Mummy's biggest asset, its quirky sense of humor, is often its biggest drawback as well; it's hard to develop any sense of urgency when your  lead characters are constantly cracking jokes and remain in high spirits the entire time. I was also never able to buy that Imhotep would mistake Evelyn for a reincarnation of Anck-Su-Namun, largely for the fact that the two look nothing alike. It also doesn't help that in the sequel, The Mummy Returns, Sommers completely negates this plot point by having Meela, the real reincarnation of Anck-Su-Namum, showing up and, even more inexplicably, revealing that Evelyn is actually the reincarnation of Seti's daughter. 

The 1932 film, as well as the 1959 Hammer remake, were much more limited in their scope; neither Imhotep (Boris Karloff) nor Kharis (Christopher Lee in the remake) wanted to bring about the end of the world, they were motivated by love and loyalty; Imhotep wants to be reunited with his long lost love Ankh-es-en-Amon while Kharis seeks to punish those they have defiled the tomb of princess Ananka.  Kharis is aided in his revenge by the fez wearing Mehemmet Bey, a member of a religious sect that has made it their mission to protect the tomb of Ananka. It's interesting to note that the 1959 film is more of a reworking of Universal Mummy films from the 40s (The Mummy's Hand, The Mummy's Tomb, The Mummy's Ghost, and The Mummy's Curse) than the Karloff original. In each successive film, the mummy of Kharis (played by Tom Tyler in the first film, Lon Chaney, Jr. in the sequels) sets about murdering those responsible for opening the tomb of Ananka and is abetted by a fez wearing cultist; his journeys take him from the sands of Egypt to the swamps of Louisiana. 

In fact, Sommers' movie owes a greater debt to the The Mummy's Hand than it does to the Karloff original.  The Mummy's Hand begins on a flashback set in Ancient Egypt and shows how Kharis attempted to resurrect his beloved Ananka, only to be punished for his efforts. Sommers begins his movie in a similar fashion; Imhotep is having an affair with Anck-Su-Namun, the mistress of Pharaoh Seti I. It comes to an abrupt end when Seti wises up to their love and is then stabbed to death by both of them. Imhotep flees, while Anck-Su-Namun commits suicide. Imhotep's attempt to resurrect her are interrupted by Seti's guards and he is buried alive with fleshing eating scarabs. 

The original 1932  movie begins with an archaeological expedition, lead by Sir Joseph Whemple, discovering Imhotep's mummy. While Sir Joseph and his friend, Dr. Muller, are outside having a discussion, Whemple's impatient assistant reads from the Scroll of Thoth and revives Imhotep; this encounter with the living mummy drives him insane and it is later revealed  that he died laughing in an asylum. It's a nice bit of understated direction by Karl Freund; Imhotep is never actually shown rising from his sarcophagus, instead his resurrection is hinted at by a small glint in his eyes and slight movement of his right arm. This is in direct contrast to the fire and brimstone that signals Imhotep's revival in the 1999 remake. 

In The Mummy's Hand there's a secret cult trying to protect the secret of Ananka's tomb, one of their members happens to be Professor Andoheb, curator of the Cairo Museum. When an expedition led by archaeologist Steve Banning sets out to find Ananka's tomb, Andoheb, by burning tana leaves, resurrects Kharis and orders him to kill members of the party. Sommers does a slight variation of the plot in his remake; the Madjei are a religious order devoted to keeping the location of Hamunaptra (where Imhotep attempted to resurrect Anck-Su-Namum) secret; one of them happens to be Dr. Terrance Bey, curator of the Cairo Museum. The Medjai, however, are actually good guys and their leader, Ardeth Bay, aids Rick and Evelyn in defeating Imhotep. In the Karloff version, Imhotep (in the guise of Ardeth Bay) actually helps Frank Whemple (Sir Joseph's son) find the tomb of Ankh-es-en-Amon. The idea of a mummy exacting his revenge on those that defiled his beloved princess' tomb is taken from The Mummy's Hand. In the 1932 movie, Imhotep only kills those who stand in the way of him being reunited with Ankh-es-en-Amon; he is a much more sympathetic character than Kharis in the four Universal films (and Hammer remake) and Imhotep in the remake. In his remake, Stephen Sommers essentially took the character of Imhotep and injected him with steroids; he is extremely buffed and dispatches of his victims by sucking the life force from their bodies. He can also change shapes (he turns into sand a couple of times) and control the elements of nature. 

The strongest similarity between The Mummy's Hand and 1999 remake is that they both are laden with comedy relief.  In the former,  it comes in the forms of Banning's assistant Babe Jenson and The Great Solvani, a magician who happens to be touring Egypt and agrees to fund their expedition. In the latter, it comes in the forms of the backstabbing Beni and Jonathan, Evelyn's never do well older brother.  Banning strikes up a romance with Solvani's daughter, Marta, while in the remake, Rick O' Connell, strikes up a romance with Evelyn. The romantic subplot is the one area that Sommers vastly improves on; in the original the romantic lead was the rather dull actor David Manners (who also co-starred in Dracula and The Black Cat) . Imhotep is a much more interesting character than Frank Whemple, therefore we find it frustrating that Helen (the reincarnation of Ankh-es-en-Amon) would fall for such a bore; he's a bigger stiff than Imhotep in mummy form. The romance in The Mummy's Hand feels rather forced; Marta goes from disliking Steve to falling in love with him in a span of five minutes. The romance between Rick and Evelyn, on the other hand, feels natural to the story line and is extremely believable due to the chemistry of the actors - it is easily the best part of the movie. 

I rather like The Mummy, despite Sommers' hackneyed screenplay and unimaginative direction. Whatever limitations Sommers has as a filmmaker, he some how managed to hit the jack pot with the actors he assembled for this film; Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, and John Hannah could have easily phoned in their performances and collected paycheck, but they manage to bring such warmth to their roles that we (or at least I) don't really mind that Imhotep is nowhere to be seen in the first hour (except in the prologue).  In fact, had Sommers dropped the whole Mummy angle and just focused on the misadventures of these three characters, it would probably be one of my all time favorite films. Oh well, at least it makes for an entertaining two hours.  Brendan Fraser is probably one of the most frustrating actors in movie history; he is a talented actor and can often wow you with an amazing dramatic performance (he managed to hold his own opposite Ian McKellan in Gods and Monsters) only to follow it up with a vehicle that is not worthy of his talents (Monkeybone, Dudley Do Right, etc.) It's quite a shame. Rachel Weisz is equally lovable as the slightly clumsy, but brilliant Evelyn. After Evelyn has accidentally resurrected Imhotep, she accepts full blame and makes it her goal to right her wrong. Too often summer blockbuster movies will gloss over the fact that the lead character is often to blame for everything that has gone wrong, The Mummy, on the other hand, doesn't take the easy out and holds its characters responsible. John Hannah steals the film with his comic portrayal as Jonathan, who also happens to be an exceptional pickpocket. Jonathan is probably the most interesting character in the film, he's a complete scoundrel and has never done an honest day's work in his entire life, but we suspect that underneath that somewhat slimy exterior there is a decent guy waiting to emerge. That's why the ending is extremely satisfying, because instead of giving Jonathan a "heroic" death, Sommers allows for him to survive at the end. 



Credits
Cast: Brendan Fraser (Rick O' Connell), Rachel Weisz (Evy Carnahan), John Hannah (Jonathan Carnahan), Kevin J. O' Conner (Beni), Arnold Vosloo (Imhotep), Oded Fehr (Ardeth Bey), Jonathan Hyde (Dr. Allen Chamberlain), Erick Avari (Dr. Terrence Bey), Patricia Velasquez (Anck Su Namun), Stephen Dunham (Mr. Henderson), Corey Johnston (Mr. Daniels), Tuc Watkins (Mr. Burns), Bernard Fox (Winston Havlock).

Director: Stephen Sommers.
Screenplay: Stephen Sommers.  Stephen Sommers, Lloyd Fonvielle, Kevin Jarre. (screen story)
Running Time: 125 min.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) With Special Guest Reviewer: Metalman

(Note: The opinions in this review are solely those of Metalman and don’t necessarily reflect those of this blog. Parental Discretion is advised. To fully appreciate the review read it in a monotone voice.)

When Brain asked me to do a review for his blog, I was fairly hesitant for two reasons:

1) My movie knowledge is fairly limited. I rarely go to the movies and only own a handful of them. I'm just a simple janitor at a grocery store, or I was a simple janitor until those f**king idiot managers promoted me to supervisor. I don't know why they did that! I sure as hell didn't ask for it. Now I'm in charge of the third shift crew and I hate them all. How I miss scrubbing and waxing the floors. It was my passion, nay my purpose in life. Every once in a while when the managers aren't around, I will take the scrubber for a little spin around the store. It's the only time I'm truly at peace. 

2)  I’m not familiar with the internet or, for that matter, computers.  The last time I went on a computer was when I played the Oregon Trail in the fifth grade. I mean, it’s been ages.  In fact, one time at work the subject of computer games came up and I asked my extremely hot 20 year-old co-worker if she ever played the Oregon Trail and she just gave me a blank stare.  It was an awkward moment. I tried to explain it to her, but she just didn't get it. What a dumb bitch! I mean, c'mon. If she wasn't hot, I wouldn't give her the time of day. Well, maybe I would. 

This didn't faze Brain in the least. He told me to write my review in long hand and he would type it up for me. He kept insisting that I share my “unique” film views with the rest of the internet. I agreed, but I made him promise not to alter a single word of my review. I didn't want him to litter it with big college words that no one understands or correct any grammar errors. He may be doing the typing, but it’s my review and I want to recognize it as such.  He agreed and we shook on it. (Editor's note: This review is only half it's original length as Metalman's handwriting was pretty incomprehensible at times.) Oh, in case you were wondering, the reason I'm called Metalman is due to my love for metal music, specifically hair metal music. I love it. It's the f**king best! I remember one time my girlfriend...er I mean landlady and I went to a Quiet Riot concert in Chicago and I got so wasted. It was so METAL!  

It was fairly easy for me to decide which movie I was going to review and that was Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Why?  Because it’s only the greatest f**king movie of all time!!!! That, and it’s one of the few titles that I actually own on VHS. No one is ever going to convince me that DVD is better. I mean, what’s not to like about Fast Times? I remember starting my first day of high school and hoping it would be everything that Fast Times was, only to be disappointed by year’s end.  I remember I set my sights on hot blonde in my class. I figured that if Mark Ratner could hook up with Stacy Hamilton, then certainly I could score with someone that was better looking. I, mean, just look at Mark Ratner for a second. 

NEEERRRRRRRDDD!!!!  And yet, he was able to hook up with an absolute hottie like Stacy. It boggles the mind. I mean, just look at her for a minute.

 Now, go back and look at the picture of Mark. See, what I'm saying? A nerd like that has no business talking to girl like that let a lone dating her. Anyways, I figured that since I was,and still am, a better looking guy than Mark  it would be a matter of days, if not hours, before I was banging this hot blonde.  So I walked up to her and was like, "Hey, bitch! Wanna have sex?" You know what she did? She kicked me in the nuts. WHAT THE HELL?! I made several other attempts at trying to get her in the sack, but she just gave me the cold shoulder.  I even formed a rock band called Unskinny Bop as a way of getting her attention . We were a Motley Crew cover band and all I can say is that we really blew people away.....all night and day. Ha Ha! Get it?  (Editor’s note:  If you didn't know already, “Unskinny Bop” is a Poison song. I kept trying to tell Metalman this, but he wouldn't listen and kept insisting that, “I know my Motley Crüe.”Apparently not, Metalman.)  We seemed to be destined for great things, we played Port Washington’s Fish Day, but that all changed when our f**king bassist left the band to go college. MORON!!!!  Where was I again? Oh yes, the review!  

Fast Times at Ridgemont High is what I wish my time at high school would have been like.  Now, I really don’t have the time nor the patience to write an entire review, so instead I will just list my favorite moments in the movie.  I may not be a movie critic, but I do know what I like.

1)  I especially like….no, love, when the ultra babe Linda Barrett takes off her red bikini top. If you have seen the movie, then you know what I'm talking about. I mean, look at her damn it. JUST LOOK.......

I can’t say I blame Brad one bit for fapping off to her. WOOOOOOW! I would have done the exact same thing. In fact, I did do the exact same thing. One time my mom actually walked in on me and  I shouted, just like Brad in the movie, "Doesn't anyone f**king knock any more?"  I actually wore out my first VHS copy of this  movie by watching this scene over and over again.  It's one of the all time great movie moments. Thank you, Phoebe Cates.  However, that David Bowie song on the soundtrack is kind of lame. 

(Editor's note: The song is "Moving In Stereo" by The Cars and it rules.) 

2) I always laugh when Spicoli orders a pizza while still in the classroom. Spicoli is my hero, I strive to be exactly like him. I mean, he's so cool. I remember I tried to copy Spicoli once by sneaking a piece of pizza from the school cafeteria into my classroom, but by the the time I got there it was all cold. Totally not worth the effort. I thought about ordering a pizza, but I didn't have a cell phone on me. LAME!!!!

3) I always cheer when Brad mouths off to the rude customer. I always lose it when he screams, "Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass." I wish I had such courage. Sure, it may cost Brad his job at the fast food joint but at least he went down swinging. Plus, that customer was a total ass bag.

4. (Editor's note: I could not make out what number four was. The writing  was completely illegible  Though, it did end with the sentence, "I really need a cigarette right now." Metalman can't go thirty minutes without a cigarette so it doesn't surprise me that he would write this down. As for what I could read, well, I'm quite certain that he was talking about Weird Science. This is was the most coherent part of the entire paragraph, ".....two nerds use computer..........babe."  

5. Is there a greater ending to movie than Brad taking out the mugger by throwing a hot pot of coffee in his face? I don't think so. I've seen this movie over 100 times and I always applaud this ending. It's f**king AMAZING! Even better is that Spicoli is there to witness Brad's heroism and shouts,"Awesome. Totally awesome."  I have known many people that didn't like this movie (IDIOTS) but found this ending absolutely hilarious. Need I say more. I think not.

(Editor's note: I agree with Metalman whole heartedly on this point. The ending to Fast Times at Ridgemont is, as Spicoli would put it, "Totally awesome." Special Thanks to Metalman for offering his unique perspective on an 80s classic.) 

Credits
Cast: Sean Penn (Jeff Spicoli), Jennifer Jason Leigh (Stacy Hamilton), Judge Reinhold (Brad Hamilton), Robert Romanus (Mark Domane), Brian Backer (Mark "Rat" Ratner), Phoebe Cates (Linda Barrett), Ray Walston (Mr. Hand), Scott Thomson (Arnold), Vincent Schiavelli (Mr. Vargas), Amanda Wyss (Lisa), D.W. Brown (Ron Johnson), Forrest Whitaker (Charles Jefferson), Eric Stolz (Stoner Bud), Anthony Edwards (Stoner Bud), Nicolas Cage (Brad's Bud), Stanley Davis, Jr. (Jefferson's Brother).

Director: Amy Heckerling
Screenplay: Cameron Crowe.
Running Time: 92 min. 

The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini (1966)

The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini is an amazing movie! It's amazing that producers Samuel Z. Arkoff and James H. Nicholson could pull together so much talent and make such a bad movie. American International Pictures (A.I.P) is often credited for being the launching pad for many prominent actors and directors (Jack Nicholson and Francis Ford Coppola, to name a few), but it was also where many actors finished their careers as well (Karloff, Rathbone, Peter Lorre, and Buster Keaton).  Therefore, it is a real curio to see Boris Karloff and  Basil Rathbone sharing the screen with former Disney star Tommy Kirk, Nancy Sinatra, Aron Kincaid, and would be starlet Susan Hart (future wife of producer Nicholson).  Karloff at least seems to be having fun in his extended cameo, while Rathbone can never shake off his embarrassment.  The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini is a disaster of movie, but like most disasters you are compelled watch, despite your better judgement.

The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini is often considered to be the last of the A.I.P Beach movies, but I think a more accurate description would be that it was a failed attempt at trying to reinvent the formula. The beach setting had out lived its usefulness, so the most logical thing was to take the party on the road. In Ski Party, our gang of lovable beach bums relocated to the slopes of Denver. In Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, the party is moved to a......haunted house. This was not the first attempt by A.I.P to meld the beach movie and horror genres; in 1965 they released Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine, which had Vincent Price co-starring with beach movie regulars Frankie Avalon and Dwayne Hickman.  It's interesting to note that Karloff, Price, and Peter Lorre all had cameos in the first three beach movies; Priced played a beatnik poet (Beach Party), Lorre, the owner of a gym(Muscle Beach Party) and Karloff, an art critic (Bikini Beach).

Not only is there a change a scenery, but a change in the cast as well. It is apparent that A.I.P was hoping that a different cast of characters would breathe life into the tired formula; the only returning character is Harvey Lembeck's dimwitted motorcyclist, Eric Von Zipper. Tommy Kirk and Deborah Walley are given the Frankie and Annette roles, while Aron Kincaid is given the role of the dopey party goer; a role usually reserved for Jody McCrea. The problem is that there really isn't a central character that the audience can relate to. Who is the main character in The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini?  In theory, Chuck (Tommy Kirk) should be the main character, but he is off screen for significant portions of the film and often takes a backseat to  Bobby's (Aron Kincaid) histrionics. The previous films centered around Frankie and Annette's often turbulent relationship; you may not necessarily like the characters, but at least there was a solid framework to hang the story on. The budding romance between Chuck and Lili (Deborah Walley) seems like an afterthought on the part of the filmmakers. When Lili first meets Chuck she is a bit apprehensive towards him, but changes her tune at the flip of a switch. Chuck and Lili's romance should be the heart of the film, but the film makers abandon it to make way for nonstop rock n' roll numbers and "hilarious" slapstick comedy. Walley isn't really given much to do, except play the damsel in distress at the film's climax.

The same flaw applies towards the Bobby/ Vicki story line. Vicki (Nancy Sinatra), for some inexplicable reason, hopes to spark a romance with Bobby, but he has wandering eyes. This nearly costs Bobby his life as the woman he keeps drooling over, Sinistra, is a would be a murderer. Luckily for him, her eye sight is extremely poor and instead of offing him, she ends up destroying a knight's armor and a bust of Julius Caesar.  This subplot takes up the entire midsection the film, only to be forgotten in the last half hour. This is a recurring theme in  The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, a character or story line will be introduced, only to be discarded later on. It is an extremely overcrowded film. Other than continuity, why bring back Eric Von Zipper? He doesn't really add anything to the proceedings. In the previous films he was the main villain, or at least tried to be, in this film he is a helpless bystander.

If IMDB and Wikipedia are correct, then the scenes with Karloff and Susan Hart were added after principle photography had finished, thus adding more unnecessary characters into the mix. Boris Karloff plays a Hiram Stokely, a recently deceased carnival man who has 24 hours to do one good deed if he wants to enter heaven. The catch is that he must do it from the confines of his crypt, so he sends down Cecily (the title character) to make sure his heirs (Chuck, Lili, and the eccentric Myrtle Forbush) get their rightful share of his fortune. His shady lawyer, Reginald Ripper (Basil Rathbone), hopes to scare away Hiram's beneficiaries, so he can keep the inheritance for himself. This is the movie's plot, but again, the film doesn't treat this story line with any real sense of urgency. Even worse is the fact that Cecily, despite being a ghost and being able to go unobserved, is pretty useless for the most part. She, on occasion, will play practical jokes on Ripper, but she rarely lifts a finger to help the protagonists; at least for the first 75 minutes of the movie. Cecily will often pop into frame (she is tinted blue for a ghostly effect), mug it up for a few seconds, and then promptly disappear.

At the film's climax, when Lili is in danger of being cut in half by a buzz saw (while tied to a log), Cecily stands in the corner and screams at Chuck to save her. Why doesn't Cecily stop the buzz saw herself?  She does dispose of Reginald Ripper by jamming his gun with her finger, but that could have easily been avoided had she acted a lot sooner.  The filmmakers try to imply that she is influencing the movement of the characters by having her whisper stuff in their ears; at one point she pops into frame and tells Vicki to wear a bikini, because it will get Bobby's attention. This idea never comes off as well as it should, mainly due to the poor execution of the gag;  a character will often be in mid sentence when the film suddenly freezes, just then Cecily materializes into frame and whispers something into his/her ear. After having dispensed her advice, Cecily abruptly disappears, the film resumes, and the character will repeat what Cecily just said. It happens a couple of times throughout the film, but it's only real function is to make Susan Hart's role seem bigger than it actually is.

The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini is a complete mess of a film, but it's a beautiful mess; the cinematography by Stanley Cortez is extremely first rate. It's a shame that his talents were wasted on an extremely silly film like this.  He creates a genuinely spooky atmosphere, especially during Sinistra's musical number in which she seemingly melts into the shadows. The musical numbers themselves are pretty forgettable, though I do have a soft spot for the song "Geronimo," performed by Nancy Sinatra. It's not a great song, but it is rather catchy. Plus, forgettable rock n' roll songs were a staple in the beach movies, so why should The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini prove to be the exception?

Other things I like about The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini:

1) The double act of Tommy Kirk and Aron Kincaid is fairly funny at times; Kirk is such a bland actor that he perfectly balances out Kincaid's over zealous performance. The problem is that the film only pairs them together for a few scenes, thus wasting a potentially funny comedy team. Their scenes together play like a mini-remake of the wax museum scene in Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein; Kincaid is the scaredy cat, while Kirk tries to be the voice of reason. However, just Lou Costello in the earlier film, Kincaid's fears are justified. I rather like Aron Kincaid, he's a fairly energetic and fun performer to watch. He also later voiced Killer Croc on Batman: The Animated Series; that alone makes him awesome.

2) The opening scene with Hiram and Cecily is fairly amusing and often funny, especially when she drops the bomb that he is dead. Karloff is pretty adept at comedy, so is Susan Hart for that matter (she is genuinely funny in Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine as the bikini clad fembot). There's great interplay between the two actors that it's a shame that it amounts to very little as this scene is pretty disconnected from rest of the movie.

Interesting piece of trivia: the opening shot of the film (of Cecily in a red hood walking through a cemetery) was lifted from the Vincent  Price/ Roger Corman thriller The Haunted Palace. A.I.P was known for it's an extreme cheapness and would often lift footage from their previous films to pad out the running time of their latest release.

3) Nancy Sinatra is by no means a good actress, but she has a likable screen presence. You almost  care about the plight of Vicki....I say almost, because the character completely vanishes in the movie's second half. Though, she is in the final shot of the film; her and Bobby are dancing and having a groovy time, when all of a sudden Cecily materializes into frame. Bobby goes in for a kiss, but Cecily disappears. Bobby and Vicki shrug if off and resume their dancing. Fade to black. The end.

4) The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini maybe one of the earliest postmodern films in that the characters are constantly acknowledging the fact that they are in a movie. In one scene, Eric Von Zipper and his gang spot Reginald Ripper entering a secret passage and Zipper remarks that he looks like "Sherlock Holmes." The movie film will often cut back to Karloff commenting on the action as if he is a member of the audience; he's watching events unfold from a crystal ball inside his crypt.

There a plenty of amusing moments in the movie, but for every good idea there are, at least, two bad ones. It's an extremely disjointed picture that could have been easily improved in the editing room, or if they had taken the time to rewrite the script. Instead of adding more characters, they should have written a few out of the script. Buster Keaton was originally slated to played Chief Chicken Father, but, sadly, passed away before filming began. The filmmakers, rather than write out the character, decided to recast the role with
Benny Rubin and let's just say he doesn't hold a candle to the Great Stone Face.

Credits
Cast:  Boris Karloff (Hiram Stokely - The Corpse), Susan Hart (Cecily - The Ghost), Tommy Kirk (Chuck Phillips), Aron Kincaid (Bobby), Basil Rathbone (Reginald Ripper), Deborah Walley (Lili Morton), Nancy Sinatra (Vicki), Patsy Kelly (Myrtle Forbush), Harvey Lembeck (Eric Von Zipper), Jesse White (J. Sinister Hulk), Quinn O' Hara (Sinistra), Bobbi Shaw (Princess Yolanda), Benny Rubin (Chicken Feather), Francis X. Bushman (Malcolm), Piccola Pupa (Herself), Andy Romano (J.D.), Albert Nelson (Puss), Myrna Ross (Boots), The Bobby Fuller Four (themselves).

Director: Don Weis
Screenplay: Louis M. Heyward, Elwood Ullman.
Running Time: 83 min.

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger is often considered the worst out of all the Ray Harryhausen films and I whole heartedly agree. It is a film riddled with inconsistencies from the acting to the special effects. The script itself is more or less a rehash of the earlier film The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, sans any of that movie's memorable set pieces. Yet, if Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger is representative of Harryhausen at his worst, then his films are a lot better than previously believed.

The biggest flaw in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger is Patrick Wayne's incredibly stiff performance as the famous sailor. Words cannot adequately describe the sheer awfulness of Wayne's acting; it's sounds like he's reading his lines from cue cards. The filmmakers do Wayne no favor by casting him opposite such acting pros like Jane Seymour and Patrick Troughton. It's extremely jarring to see Wayne exchanging dialogue with much more talented actors; it would have actually served the film better to cast lesser actors in supporting roles, because it would have greatly disguised Wayne's limited acting abilities.

The two previous films, The 7th Voyage of Sinbad and The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, weren't exactly acting tour de forces, but both Kerwin Matthews and John Phillip Law were fairly likable as Sinbad. They also were fairly energetic leading men and, more importantly, had great screen presence. They may have given one note performances, but it was the right note. Wayne's Sinbad is not only wooden, but fairly passive as well; to the point that he often seems to disappear from the narrative, while all the other actors take center stage.

It also seems that the filmmakers were content with rehashing the plot from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, albeit with  a few variations. In the 7th Voyage, Sinbad must voyage to the island of an evil sorcerer to restore his love, princess Parisa, to her normal size; she has been shrunken to the size of an action figure.  In Eye of the Tiger, Sinbad must journey to a far away land to restore a prince (who happens to be the brother of Farah, his love interest) to his original form; he has been transformed into a baboon by the evil witch Zenobia. An air of familiarity hangs over the proceedings. This wouldn't be a problem if there were a few eye popping set pieces to divert our attention, but sadly, the special effects in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger are fairly forgettable, especially when compared to the previous movies.In The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, we were given such jaw dropping sequences like the Cyclops menacing Sinbad's men and the duel with the Skeleton.In Golden Voyage of Sinbad, there was the masthead of Sinbad's ship coming to life and the battle with the six armed statue of Kali. 

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger is loaded with special effects, but they're more likely to produce shrugs of indifference rather than enthusiastic cheers. The fight with a giant walrus should be a exciting, but it is completely incomprehensible due to the snow that was optically added into the foreground. A battle with ant-like monsters should be fun, but it's hard to see what's happening, because it occurs at night time. The Troglodyte that Sinbad and company befriend should be charming, but it is completely lacking in personality, which is surprising for a Ray Harryhausen creation; it sort of just meanders about before it comes to an untimely end. The coolest, and most menacing creature is the Minaton, a bronze mechanical monster that resembles a Minotaur. However, it is essentially a walking prop. When we first see it, we think, "Uh-oh!" It's only certain that this clockwork creation is going to pose a serious threat to our protagonists. How will Sinbad and company get out of this one? When the Troglodyte appears, we shout, "Eureka!" Trog and the Minaton will duke it out and Trog will come out victorious. Sadly, no such battle occurs. In fact, our heroes never encounter the Minaton; it comes to rather inglorious end when it falls off a ledge and gets crushed by a block of stone that it was removing for Zenobia. Otherwise, it spends most of it's screen time rowing Zenobia and her son, Rafi, to their destination. 

(Warning to the any feminists reading this review, the next few sentences are going to be me drooling over Jane Seymour. Sorry!) In fact, the most memorable thing about Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger, at least for me and many other males (maybe even a few females) is Jane Seymour strutting her stuff in a bedlah. I hate to admit it (actually I don't), but whenever she is onscreen my eyes gravitate toward her, regardless of the action transpiring in the foreground; Sinbad and company could be battling a group of Cyclops with laser shooting out their eyes and yet my undivided attention would be on Seymour, standing in the background, in her skimpy outfit.  I know...I know..pathetic! On a side note: Jane Seymour is probably my favorite Bond girl, despite being in one of my least favorite Bond films, Live and Let Die. 

It is to Seymour's credit that she is able inject some personality into a horribly underwritten role; unlike Wayne, she's able to deliver her lines in a naturalistic manner. Her character, princess Farah, starts off promising; she actually threatens to kill Zenobia with a dagger. She is ready to go through with it before Sinbad and her uncle intervene. Her uncle states that killing Zenobia would put a curse on their kingdom.  Of course, this doesn't make any sense as Zenobia already cursed their kingdom by turning Kassim into a baboon. However, if Farah killed Zenobia, then there would be no movie. Damn it! Why did Sinbad have to intervene? The film would be fifteen minutes long and hailed as a classic. It's actually a jarring moment given how feeble Farah was up until this point in the story. You expect her to cower and whimper as Zenobia chews the scenery, instead she brandishes a knife and dominates the scene. 

Sadly, as the film progresses Farah's role diminishes and she's reduced to an attractive piece of scenery; as demonstrated by her nude scene (in a G-rated film). Granted, all of Farah's bits and pieces are covered up, but it's still jarring to see such casual nudity in a family film. The filmmakers were probably hoping it would keep the dads in the audience from falling asleep. However, despite her eye candy status, Farah is still infinitely more interesting than Sinbad, which makes it kind of tragic that she is betrothed to such a dullard. Sinbad definitely gets the better end of the deal. 

While Jane Seymour is easy on the eyes, the best thing about Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger is Patrick Troughton as the alchemist Melanthius. Troughton nearly salvages this movie by adding a much needed sense of fun to the proceedings. As mentioned before, Patrick Wayne is a complete stiff, so it really falls on Troughton's shoulders to bear the burden of the load and he nearly pulls off a miracle. Unfortunately, the flaws are so numerous that even Troughton's spirited performance can't overcome them. He brings a lot of humor to the role of Melanthius; the film's best moment is his child like joy at the thought of traveling with Sinbad to the land of Arimaspi. He has heard about it all his life and now he finally has a chance to see it first hand. It's a nice moment that aptly demonstrates what a talented actor can do with even the lousiest of dialogue; Troughton makes it sound credible. 

Taryn Power is pretty, but forgettable as Melanthius' telepathic daughter, Dione. Her main function in the story is that she gets the Trog to show them where the magical pyramid of Arismaspi is located. That's about it. Otherwise, she melts in the shadows for the majority of the film. Sorry, Taryn. Margaret Whiting's performance as Zenobia is so bad to the point that it is enjoyable. She screams, bugs out her eyes, and does all sorts of body spasms to convey that she is evil. Hell, at least she is giving it her all, as opposed to just going through the motions. Her scenery chewing is certainly preferable to Patrick Wayne's disappearing act. Zenobia's motivation for transforming Kassim into a baboon is so her worthless son, Rafi, can be crowned Caliph. Wouldn't it just be simpler to murder the guy? She has all sorts of magical powers and foresight, yet it never occurs to her that the spell can be undone. 

This also brings up the second biggest flaw in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger: the audience doesn't really care about Kassim's plight. In the 7th Voyage of Sinbad, we get to know Parissa before she gets miniaturized by the evil magician, Sokurah, hence we care what happens to her. She's a likable character and we desperately want to see her restored to her normal size. In Eye of the Tiger, we never get to know Kassim; his transformation happens in the opening seconds of the film. We are told good things about him (Sinbad claims he owes him life), but we are never given any visual evidence to back up these claims. He is a stranger to us and remains a stranger, so it's really hard to get involved in the story line. The only reason the audience wants to him restored to his normal form, at least theoretically, is so that Sinbad and Farah can live happily ever after. Farah, for some unknown reason, loves Sinbad, but she won't even think of marrying him until her brother is back to his original state.  Kassim in baboon form (done by stop motion animation) is livelier than he is human form. The actor, Damien Thomas, is a handsome fellow, but is given nothing to do. While the baboon animation is less than convincing, it's actually the one special effect that manages to elicit tears and laughter from the audience, because Harryhausen is able to invest it with some personality. The scene in which the baboon Kassim sees his reflection in a mirror is absolutely heart breaking. In fact, Kassim is far more likable as baboon than he is as a human. OOPS!!!! 

As much as I complain about this movie, I still rather enjoy it. It's not a good movie, but the sincere performance of Patrick Troughton and a hilariously over the top Margaret Whiting, not to mention a scantily clad Jane Seymour, make it watchable. While Ray Harryhausen's special effects are lackluster for the most part, there a couple of effective moments scattered throughout the movie; the fight between Trog and the saber tooth tiger is fun, if not particularly awe inspiring. 

Credits

Cast: Patrick Wayne (Sinbad), Jane Seymour (Farah), Taryn Power (Dione), Patrick Troughton (Melanthius), Margaret Whiting (Zenobia), Kurt Christian (Rafi), Nadim Sawalah (Hassam), Damien Thomas (Kassim).

Director: Sam Wanamaker
Screenplay: Beverley Cross.  Story by: Beverley Cross and Ray Harryhausen.
Running Time: 113 min.

The Brides of Dracula (1960) .....An Over Analysis.

The Brides of Dracula is the best of the eight sequels to the 1958 Hammer film, Horror of Dracula, even though the legendary Count is nowhere in sight. Instead of a blood shot eyed Christopher Lee with blood dripping from his fangs, we are given a rather foppish villain in David Peel as he attempts to seduce French beauty, Yvonne Monlaur. It was rather a bold move by Hammer to make a sequel to Horror of  Dracula without Dracula, but it works surprisingly well.  This is largely due to the performance of Peter Cushing, reprising his role as Dr. Van Helsing from the previous film. Cushing's specialty was obsessive authority figures; during this time period he also played Baron Frankenstein.  Yet, despite their superficial similarities, his Frankenstein and Van Helsing are worlds apart.

Cushing's Frankenstein is an extremely cold and distant man, who believes that the end justifies the means (even if it involves murder). He is so detached from mankind that, in Frankenstein Created Woman, when an acquaintance of his is beheaded for a murder (that he didn't commit), the Baron is ecstatic that he finally has a corpse to test his latest hypothesis, the transference of the soul, on. He feels no remorse over the death of a friend, but rather just views it as an opportunity.  On the other hand, Cushing's Van Helsing, despite his obsessive behavior, is capable of warmth and compassion; in Horror of Dracula, he comforts a little girl (who was nearly a vampire victim) by wrapping his coat around her, putting a crucifix around her neck, and telling her that the sun will be be a couple of minutes. In Brides of Dracula, when it schoolmaster Herr Lang starts to berate Marianne (Yvonne Monlaur) for being late on the job, Van Helsing explains her predicament and, simultaneously, puts Herr Lang in his place.  It is also interesting to note that The Brides of Dracula may be the only film in which Peter Cushing gets the woman in the end (well, kind of), but more on that later.

It is important to stress just how vital Peter Cushing is to this film's success; he gives a sincere performance and delivers his lines with such conviction that the audience readily believes the dangers they are being told about. Cushing has never been given the recognition he deserves, largely because of his association with the horror genre. He probably would be considered one of the all time greats had he appeared in more "respectable" films.

What's interesting about The Brides of Dracula, especially for a Hammer film, is that it's central character is a woman, Marianne, a young school teacher traveling to her place of employment. Hammer films tended to a be a bit male centric and women tended be either relegated to supporting roles or attractive scenery (like Valerie Gaunt in Horror of Dracula). Therefore, it is interesting that the first half hour of The Brides of Dracula is told through Marianne's point of view; she is the one that sets the story in motion by releasing the Baron Meinster from his chains, unaware of the evil that she has just unleashed upon the earth. She serves as the audience surrogate as she is a rather ordinary person (albeit one with supermodel looks) that finds herself in an extraordinary situation.

 The Brides of Dracula slavishly copies the structure of Horror of Dracula; the first half hour of that film follows Jonathan Harker as he runs afoul the sinister Count. In both films, Van Helsing doesn't make his first appearance until nearly one third of the way in. Yet, the audience clearly identifies more with Marianne than they do with Harker, largely because he is student of Van Helsing and, therefore, is knowledgeable in the ways of the vampire. He is aware of the risks, therefore it's not too surprising when he comes to an untimely end. Marianne, on the other hand, just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time; her main concern is getting to her school on time and is fairly ignorant when it comes to vampires. When the Baroness Meinster offers Marianne a place to say for the night, we as the audience are naturally shouting at her to stay put. We know this can only lead to bad things, therefore we slap our foreheads in disbelief when the sweet Marianne accepts the Baroness' hospitality. It's not necessarily a complex part, but Yvonne Monlaur gives a rather affecting performance as the beleaguered Marianne.

If there is a main flaw in The Brides of Dracula it is David Peel's Baron Meinster; he's not necessarily bad in the role, but he completely lacks the physicality and menace that Christopher Lee brought to the role of Dracula. In fact, the duel between Van Helsing and the Baron for Marianne's soul  is a complete mismatch in Van Helsing's favor, Cushing gives such a dynamic performance that he leaves David Peel standing in the dust. In the Dracula films that followed Christopher Lee was given very limited screen time, yet still managed to be intimidating despite having nothing to do (there are endless shots of him just standing in a corner, completely disconnected from the rest of the action).

However, The Brides of Dracula has not one, but two aces up its sleeve: Martita Hunt as the Baroness Meinster and Freda Jackson as her crazed servant, Greta. Hunt manages to make the Baroness actually sympathetic, despite her deplorable acts against humankind. The Baroness has lived a life of pure decadence, indulging in all sorts of carnal pleasures, including (heavily implied) incest with her son. She used to host parties on a frequent basis and Dracula just happened to show up at one of them; which eventually lead to her son being turned into a vampire. The Baroness had her son chained up in a hidden room and brought young women to castle for him to feast upon. Marianne was to be the Baron's next victim, but she unwittingly turned the tables on the Baroness. The Baroness is a terrible person, but it's amazing how Martita Hunt is able to make her sympathetic by allowing the guilt to come out in her performance. The Baroness is consumed by guilt; she knows she is largely at fault for the monster that her son has turned in to.  Freda Jackson's Greta is another memorable villain in the Hammer universe, with her crazed eyes and old crone laugh, she would give anyone the chills. There's a wonderfully chilling moment in which Greta, kneeling over a freshly filled cemetery plot, calmly starts giving birthing instructions to a vampire trying to claw out of her grave.

I mentioned earlier that Van Helsing (kind of) gets the girl in the end, and I stand by my statement, for in actuality The Brides of Dracula is really a love story between Van Helsing and Marianne Danielle. So let the over analysis begin.....

Van Helsing is an expert when it comes to the occult, but is completely clueless when it comes to worldly pleasures like love and sex. Therefore, when he first encounters Marianne, unconscious, in the woods, he is naturally taken aback by her great beauty, but is at a complete loss what to say. He is extremely inexperienced when it comes to romance, hence he doesn't  know where to begin. Also, his priorities are on ridding the world of pesky vampires, therefore he's not interested in being tied down to a long term relationship. He is so singled minded in his thinking that he is completely oblivious to the fact that Marianne fancies him. The signs are all there, she constantly smiles and flashes her eye lashes at him, but he can not take a hint. She misinterprets his timidness for indifference and therefore moves on to the next man that comes available to her: Baron Meinster.

I never bought that Marianne would so willingly consent to be the  Baron's wife, given the very little time she has known him and the extremely creepy circumstances that brought him together; him being chained up in a castle. Now, there are three possibilities as to why she would accept his proposal:

1) He has hypnotized her. In most movies and books, vampires possess hypnotic powers that can turn even the most strong willed individual into a complete putty. There are very few people that can resist their hypnotic stare; Van Helsing being one of them. However, since Marianne is oblivious to the ways of the vampire, she makes for easy pickings.

2) She figures, "Why the hell not?" Marianne is stuck at an all girls school, in the middle of nowhere, therefore her prospects at finding a husband are fairly slim. Now, if she were a lesbian, this wouldn't be a problem as her roommate Gina is fairly attractive, but Marianne does not swing that way; though is implied that Gina wants to be more than just friends with Marianne. Enter Baron Meinster, an extremely handsome and rich man who not only fancies Marianne, but wants her hand in marriage as well. How could she possibly refuse such a proposal? Sure, it makes her sound completely superficial, but remember The Brides of Dracula takes place in a time (1890s) when women were expected to get married and raise children. Marianne is in her twenties, hence, by the standards of that era, it is her obligation to find a husband and start having children.

3) The Baron is a rebound relationship. Marianne is really smitten with Van Helsing, but since he doesn't show any interest, she hooks up with the first man who comes in her sights, which just happens to be the Baron Meinster. Yet, despite his youthful looks and extreme wealth, there relationship is very passion less. This is surprising, especially in a Hammer, given how sexually charged the scenes between Christopher Lee and Melissa Stribling were in Horror of Dracula. There's definitely more sexual tension between Marianne and Van Helsing than there is with her and the Baron. If Van Helsing would have asked Marianne to drop her teaching career and come away with him, you get the impression that she would done so without any hesitation. Marianne evens seems to regret her decisions, especially when Gina is prattling on about how she wishes she could find true love. Marianne smiles and nods her head, but doesn't really have anything of substance to say, largely because she knows it's all a ruse. Hell, when Van Helsing finally spills the beans about the Baron's true identity, Marianne is only too willing to believe him; she is a complete disbelief for like TEN SECONDS!!!! She gets over it rather quickly!

It isn't until Marianne announces her engagement to the Baron that Van Helsing  realizes the true extent of his feelings towards her. He is absolutely shocked by Marianne's announcement. Sure, it probably worries him that she just got engaged to a vampire, but the expression in his face indicates his feelings for her run deeper than must mere friendship. His reaction reminds me of the time I was in high school and I found out that the girl I fancied was dating a guy that (I believed) to be a complete douche bag. I kept asking myself, "Are you serious? Is she really dating that asshole?" The same thought process seems to be going through the good ol' Professor's mind. In the case of Van Helsing, it is justified, because he's a far more interesting person than the handsome Meinster. Take away the Baron's vampirism and he's an extremely dull personality who over compensates by dressing in a flashy manner. It should be noted that, despite being considerable older than Yvonne Monlaur, Peter Cushing looks fairy youthful in this film, especially when compared to his other Hammer roles  at the time. Therefore, a romance between Van Helsing and Marianne isn't entirely unbelievable. The Baron even openly mocks Van Helsing's feeling when he proclaims, while hissing like a snake,"Beautiful, isn't she? What a pity such beauty must fade, unless we preserve it."

There is an interesting moment at very end of the film; after Van Helsing has successfully slewed the diabolical Baron, Marianne runs towards and they embrace. However, before they embrace there is a slight pause between the two of them and it almost looks as if they are going to kiss. However, even though Van Helsing has essentially won the fair Marianne's hand, he is still at loss as to what to do next, so Marianne has to settle for an embrace...for now. The three Dracula films that followed (Dracula - Prince of Darkness, Dracula Has Risen From the Grave, and Taste the Blood of Dracula) are all Van Helsing free; which indicates that after the events in Brides, Van Helsing settled down with Marianne and raised a family.
The next time Peter Cushing would appear in the series was Dracula A.D. 1972, in which he played a descendant of Van Helsing, Lorrimer. What more proof do you need?

Cast: Peter Cushing (Van Helsing), Yvonne Monlaur (Marianne Danielle), Martita Hunt (Baroness Meinster), Freda Jackson (Greta), David Peel (Baron Meinster), Miles Malleson (Dr.Tobler), Andree Melly (Gina), Henry Oscar (Herr Lang), Mona Washbourne (Frau Lang), Fred Johnson (Father Stepnik), Marie Devereux (Village Girl), Norman Pierce (Landlord), Vera Cook (Landlord's Wife), Michael Ripper (Coachman), Victor Brooks (Hans).

Director: Terence Fisher.
Screenplay: Jimmy Sangster, Peter Bryan, Edward Percy.
Running Time: 85 min.

Mesa of Lost Women (1953)

Mesa of Lost Women is regarded as one of the worst movies ever made and with a good reason; it's an extremely incompetent piece of cinema. It is so inept that the "Lost Women" of the title are fairly incidental to the actual plot of the movie. This is the IMDB synopsis of movie:

A mad scientist named Aranya is creating giant spiders and dwarfs in his lab on Zarpa Mesa in Mexico. He wants to create a master race of superwomen by injecting his female subjects with spider venom.

This isn't entirely incorrect, except that Aranya has probably less than ten minutes of actual screen time, despite Jackie Coogan's top billing.  When we first meet Aranya, he is showing off his experiment to fellow scientist, Leland Masterson. He hopes to make a race of superwomen by injecting them with a venom taken from a giant spider. This venom has made these women almost indestructible, yet unfortunately, it has transformed Aranya's male test subjects into dwarves.  Dr. Aranya hopes that Masterson will join him in his quest to make a species of super women, but Masterson denounces him. Disappointed, Aranya has his mute, sexy assistant Tarantella inject Masterson with a serum that transforms him into a raving lunatic. After this brief scene, Aranya completely vanishes and doesn't reappear until the film's climax.

The film is told in the flashback from the point of view of pilot Grant Philips...or is it? Just as soon as Grant begins tell his story, an omniscient narrator (Lyle Talbot) hijacks his account and begins to fill the audience in on how it all really began. The narrator is extremely condescending towards the characters in the movie, often mocking their bravery and intelligence. Other times, the film will cut to a close up of a character and the narrator will tells us their thoughts. When Grant starts talking about the Spider Women, there is a close up of the character of Pepe (who is has heard tales of such monstrosities), and the narrator starts chiding him for keeping his mouth shut.

The movie opens on a medium close up of man, just then a pair of hands (with claw like finger tips) crawl into frame and grab the guy's face. The camera pans over to reveal an attractive brunette. She pulls the man in for a kiss and he (understandably) doesn't offer up any sort of resistance. However, his immense joy is short lived as her kiss proves to be lethal and he falls down dead. Just then an off screen voice asks,"Have you ever been kissed by a girl like this?" Then the opening credits roll. Initially, I thought that this was a flash forward into the story, considering that man being kissed reappears a few minuter later. I was wrong.

This opening scene is disconnected from the rest of the story; it only serves to set up how dangerous the Spider Women really are. It leads you to believe that the plot will revolve around Spider Women luring unsuspecting (and extreme dense) men to their dooms. However, the Spider Women prove to a complete non-threat to our protagonists; their role consists mainly of close ups as they stare on, from afar, at our hapless heroes. Even Tarantella, the main Spider Woman, turns out to be a rather inadequate villain. She shows up long enough to do a "seductive" dance at a complete dive of a bar, only to be shot for her effort.  Earlier in the film, Dr. Aranya says that Tarantella is virtually indestructible and could live for hundreds of years, yet the film never properly explores this idea; we get a brief glimpse of it when Tarantella literally walks off her bullet wound. After her apparent "resurrection," she disappears from the proceedings (she briefly reappears at the movie's climax). This is rather a wasted opportunity as Tandra Quinn actually has great screen presence and could have made for one memorable vamp, instead she is absolutely wasted in relatively small role (even though she graces all the movie posters).

Tarantella's dance reminds me greatly of Salma Hayek's seductive snake dance in Robert Rodriguez's From Dusk Til Dawn. Tandra Quinn and Hayek play fairly similar characters; there's an aura of mystery surrounding both women due to their silent nature (though Hayek has a few lines in From Dusk Til Dawn), and both of them strut their stuff at a sleazy bar while the male protagonists leer on, much to the disgust of the sole female in the group. Of course, Hayek is much more scantily clad than Quinn and her character has an actual function to the story, while Tarantella vanishes from sight. Tarantella's dance is the highlight of the film and, once seen, is extremely hard to forget.

The real "heart" of the film are the characters Grant Phillips and Doreen Culbertson, who develop a budding romance as the film progresses. Grant is a handsome, individualistic pilot, while Doreen is an insecure, gold digger. She is set to marry the nebbish (and significantly older) businessman Jan van Croft, however, fate, taking the form of insane scientist Dr. Leland Masterson and a downed airplane, intervenes. Masterson, after having shot Tarantella, abducts Jan and his soon to be trophy wife and forces Phillips to fly him to safety. However, the plane crash lands on the very same mesa where Aranya is performing his experiments. It turns out that this crash landing is no accident as it is revealed that Jan's servant, Wu, is really Dr. Aranya's lackey. His sole mission was to bring Masterson back to Aranya. How Wu was able to track Masterson's whereabouts is never revealed; he just happened to be at right place at the right time. Character development is fairly slim in this movie and even that doesn't occur until that last fifteen minutes of the movie; Grant and Doreen have a heart to heart while everyone else is asleep. The two share a passionate kiss, but Grant pulls away and apologizes to Doreen for taking advantage of the moment. Then the film jump cuts to a long shot of the two star crossed lovers as Doreen tries to persuade Grant that she has heard a noise coming from the woods. This is an extremely jarring edit; the audience never hear the noise Doreen is shouting about and it happens in mid sentence. I don't if it's just a poor print of the movie or complete incompetence on the part of the filmmaker, though I suspect the latter. The brief interlude between Grant and Doreen was probably shot later on in production (as a pick up) and the editor haphazardly spliced it into the film, hoping the audience wouldn't notice the jarring edit.

Other than Tandra Quinn, the most memorable thing about Mesa of Lost Women is its extremely repetitive score by Hoyt S. Curtin; which consists mainly of a flamenco guitar and a piano. Legendary schlockmeister, Edward D. Wood Jr., like it so much that he later recycled it in his crime film Jail Bait. However, this is not the Mesa's  only ties to Wood, it is narrated by his frequent collaborator, Lyle Talbot, and his (then) girlfriend, Dolores Fuller, can be briefly glimpsed as one of the Spider Women. Great minds think a like!

It's often hard to explain the appeal of bad movies like Mesa of Lost Women, after all, they are the absolute nadir when it comes to the cinema, but their disjointed nature often gives them a surreal quality that is often lacking in movies that are intentionally campy. Mesa of Lost Women often plays like a nightmare; the juxtaposition of beautiful women and dwarves (not to mention a giant spider) gazing directly at the camera is very unnerving at times.

Credits

Cast: Jackie Coogan (Dr. Aranya), Tandra Quinn (Tarantella), Harmon Stevens (Dr. Leland Materson), Robert Knapp (Grant Phillips), Paula (Mary) Hill (Doreen Culbertson), Nico Lek (Jan van Croft), George Burrows (George), Chris-Pin Martin (Pepe), John Martin (Frank), Allan Nixon (Doc Tucker), Richard Travis (Dan Mulcahey), Samuel Wu (Wu), Dolores Fuller (Blonde Watcher In Woods), Katherine Victor (Car Driver Spider Woman).
Narrated by Lyle Talbot.

Director: Ron Ormond, Herbert Tevos.
Screenplay: Herbert Tevos, Orville H. Hampton.
Running Time: 70 min.