Way Out West (1937)

It’s really hard to describe the impact that Laurel and Hardy had on my life; they were my gateway to classic cinema. I first saw Way Out West when I was six years old (in 1985) and was amazed to find that I actually enjoyed a movie that my father found hilarious. Prior to this, I spent most of my time watching He-Man (and other dreadful 1980s cartoons) and had no desire whatsoever to watch “old” movies. When my dad purchased Way Out West on video (a colorized copy), I was absolutely skeptical. “It’s so old,” I cried. “How can it possibly be any good?”  Then I watched it and I have been hooked on Laurel and Hardy ever since. If this “old” movie was funny, then maybe other “old” movies were just as good, too.

Way Out West is my favorite Laurel and Hardy film. It is well directed by James W. Horne, who not only manages to get great performances from his supporting cast, but more, importantly never allows for the pace to lag; it is an extremely fast moving film. Way Out West is, thankfully, devoid of the unnecessary romantic subplot that often plagued comedies from that era (for a good example, see Bonnie Scotland, or The Marx Brothers' A Day at the Races). It also benefits from a great supporting cast: James Finlayson as the shady bar owner, Mickey Finn, Stanley Fields as the gruff Sheriff, and, most memorably, Sharon Lynn as the bitchy saloon singer, and Finn's wife, Lola Marcel.  Finlayson was a regular member of the Laurel and Hardy stock company and always proved to be a great foil for the boys. 

This was  Stanley Fields only appearance in a Laurel and Hardy film, but he is convincingly menacing in the role of the Sheriff. My favorite bit is when he tells the boys to get out of town in the next coach, or they’ll riding out of town in a hearse. Then after having made his threat, he adds, “Good day, strangers.”

Lynn is genuinely funny as Lola, especially when pretending to be Mary Roberts; she dabbles in  melodrama by adopting a fake southern accent and exaggerated body gestures (putting the back of her hand to her forehead, etc).  In the tradition of Laurel and Hardy, she is a very domineering woman and completely has Mickey Finn whipped.  She can turn on the charm in a heartbeat, but when crossed, LOOK OUT!!! 

What also helps Way Out West is that it actually has a solid story to build its jokes on; the boys have been entrusted to deliver the deed to a gold mine to Mary Roberts, the daughter of a deceased prospector. Mary lives in Brushwood Gulch with her guardians, Mickey and Lola, who treat her like a slave. When Finn finds out why the boys are in town, he tricks them into giving him the deed by having Lola pose as Mary.  The boys eventually get wise to the ruse and the rest of the movie concerns them trying to steal the deed back, so they can give it to the “real” Mary Roberts.  This adds an element of suspense that is generally lacking in Laurel and Hardy’s films, because we are curious to see whether or not the boys will succeed in their goal.  Mary Robert is played by Rosina Lawrence, who is fairly likable in the role, even if she isn't really given much to do.

Way Out West has four musical numbers in it, but they actually add to the charm, rather than detract from the overall comedy. The opening scene has Lola doing a song and dancer number at the saloon, “Will You Be My Lovey Dovey,” and is punctuated by shots of old men ogling her. The scene ends when one of the wives of the men arrives unexpectedly and starts slapping him across the head. This is the main reason why the musical numbers in Way Out West work so well; the filmmakers wisely incorporate comedy into the narrative. Compare this to the Marx Brother’s vastly overrated A Day at the Races (released the same year) where the comedy comes to a complete standstill while Allan Jones warbles out a few tunes. These musical numbers are completely dull and seem to go on forever.  Not only are the songs in Way Out West catchy, but they are fairly short, too. The most endearing scene in the film is when Stan and Ollie do a soft shoe dance while the Avalon Boys sing, “At the Ball.” From a narrative stand point there’s no reason for this scene to exist, but it is an absolute joy to watch, and, more importantly, it feels organic to the actual movie. They are about to enter Finn’s saloon, but notice the Avalon Boys singing and stop to listen to them. The music eventually overtakes them and they being to dance. It is a very naturalistic moment and doesn't seem contrived, unlike the dreadful musical numbers in A Day at the Races. 

Way Out West is loaded with hilarious comedy bits, here are a few of my favorite moments: 

Stan and Ollie have hitched a ride in a stagecoach and find that the other passenger is an attractive blonde (Vivien Oakland).  Ollie attempts to flirt with her and breaks the ice with, “A lot of weather we’ve been having.” He then follows up with, “Only four months until Christmas.”

 The movie repeatedly cuts to a close up of the woman who constantly wears an annoyed expression on her face. In a turn of events, it is revealed that the woman is the Sheriff’s wife.  She complains to her husband that Stan and Ollie annoyed her throughout the entire trip and he then tells them to take the next stagecoach out of town, or else. It’s a quintessential Laurel and Hardy moment; they are genuinely well meaning guys, but they have a tendency to get on other people’s nerves.

After having learned of Mickey and Lola's deception, Stan and Ollie confront them, and it turns into one big wrestling match; the deed constantly changes between hands and Stan ultimately stuffs it in his shirt, this leads to risque scene in which Lola locks Stan in her bedroom and then wrestles the deed away from him underneath her bed. Stan is extremely ticklish and whenever he is touched by Lola, he begins to laugh maniacally. This scene is interesting, because, with the exception of a few bits of dialogue, it plays like a silent movie; the humor is completely visual. 

Stanley's ability to use his thumb as a lighter. This gag gets repeated throughout the film; whenever the boys need a light, Stanley will snap his thumb and a flame with shoot out from the tip of it. This baffles Oliver and he constantly attempts to do it himself and, after numerous failures, is finally successful, but this completely freaks him out and he begins to scream, nearly blowing the boys cover in the process. 

Way Out West is one of the earliest movies to directly reference another movie, in this case Frank Capra's It Happened One Night. In that film, Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert are attempt to hitchhike, but with no success. Finally, Colbert is able to get a motorist to stop by slightly pulling up her dress and revealing her shapely leg. In Way Out West, Stan and Ollie are trying to catch a stagecoach, but with little success. Finally, Stan is able to get a stagecoach to stop by rolling up his trousers and showing off his right leg. It's a joke that would have resonated with 1930s audiences, yet is still able to work on it's own merits. When I first saw this movie when I was six, I (obviously) had not seen It Happened One Night, but I still laughed at this moment; it is so wonderfully absurd.  

While the film is brimming with slapstick, there is a lot of extremely funny dialogue as well. My favorite exchanges is Lola, impersonating Mary, asks, "Tell me about my dear, dear Daddy! Is it true that he's dead?"
To which Stan replies,"We hope so, they buried him."  

Way Out West is the kind of movie that gets ignore when film critics/historians (namely AFI) compose their Greatest Films list. It's certainly not a top 10 film, but it's definitely on par with the likes of Duck Soup and A Night at the Opera (critics have a raging hard on for the Marx Brothers), movies that often end up on  top 100 lists. C'mon AFI. 

Note: Just for the record I like the Marx Brothers. Duck Soup is one of my favorite comedies, but I definitely prefer Laurel and Hardy. 

Just for the hell of it, here are my top 10 Laurel and Hardy movies:

1)      Way Out West (obviously) (1937)

2)      The Music Box (1932)

3)      Sons of the Desert (1933)

4)      Two Tars (1928)

5)      Men O’ War (1929)

6)      Big Business (1929)

7)      Babes in Toyland (1934)

8)      Blotto (1930)

9)      Me and My Pal (1933)

10) The Live Ghost (1934)

Credits

Cast: Stan Laurel (Stanley), Oliver Hardy (Ollie), James Finlayson (Mickey Finn), Sharon Lynn (Lola Marcel), Rosina Lawrence (Mary Roberts), Stanley Fields (Sheriff), Vivien Oakland (Sheriff’s wife), The Avalon Boys (Singers), Harry Bernard (Man Eating at Bar), Tex Driscoll (Paw), Flora Finch (Maw), Mary Gordon (Cook).

Director: James W. Horne
Screenplay: Charley Rogers, Felix Adler, James Parrott.
Running Time:  65 min. 

10 Reasons I Love The Ten Commandments (1956)

The Ten Commandments has become a fixture during the Easter holiday that it’s only a natural a backlash would eventually happen. Many film historians have made it their goal to put Cecil B. DeMille in his proper place by constantly bad mouthing the famous director every chance they get. One of the latest culprits is Michael Sauter, who in his book, The Worst Movies of All Time: Or, What Were They Thinking?, includes three DeMille movies(Sign of the Cross, The Greatest Show on Earth, The Ten Commandments)  on his list. Which makes me suspect that Sauter  hasn't seen too many movies! Sure, DeMille’s movies are corny and absolutely lacking in subtlety, but it’s a bit of stretch to claim that they are among the worst movies EVER MADE! No one will ever mistake Cecil B. DeMille for being a David Lean, or an Orson Welles, but there’s no denying that his films are immensely entertaining, and that he was an extremely influential director. In fact, during the Golden Age of Hollywood, DeMille was a huge star in his own right; he was one of the few directors that audiences instantly recognized. What I find appealing about DeMille is the lack of irony in his films; everything is done in a straightforward and sincere manner.  There is no sense that anyone involved with the film is sending it up, rather it’s done out of genuine love for the material. Sure, it often leads to some unintentional funny moments (the lesbian seduction scene in Sign of the Cross comes to mind), but it’s preferable to the nonstop winking in today's blockbusters. It is extremely irksome how modern day directors constantly pay service to the fan boys by referencing the source material, regardless as to whether or not it is relevant to the plot (see the Star Wars prequels). 

The Ten Commandments is a vastly flawed film, but it still remains one of my favorite movies. This is interesting given that I have fairly agnostic when it comes to the existence of God, but even I can’t resists the films many charms.  It’s nearly four hours long, but moves at an extremely swift pace. It’s one of the few “epics” where I’m not constantly checking my watch to see how much time has passed. I could write an elaborate and long winded review defending The Ten Commandments; instead I have opted to list ten reasons why I love the movie.

So, without further ado, here they are:

1) Charlton Heston as Moses. 

It's become rather trendy to blast Heston for his politics, however, for the sake of this article, I could careless that he was once the president of the NRA, rather I'm more interested his performance as Moses, and it is truly a memorable one at that.  It's really hard to imagine any other actor in the role, because Heston completely dominates the proceedings with his chiseled looks, towering presence, and booming voice; it's easy to believe that his Moses is, indeed, as messenger from God. 

2) Yul Brynner as Rameses.

Yul Brynner is a perfect foil for Charlton Heston with his eagle like stare, bald head, and ripped physique. He was only 5'8", but he was one of the most intimidating actors to grace the screen. His Rameses is an absolutely fearless, and stubborn, ruler, yet Brynner some how manages to brings an air of vulnerability (and sympathy) to the character that is often lacking in  DeMille villains; the most telling scene is  Rameses praying at the altar of his Egyptian God after the death of his son. 

3) Anne Baxter as Nefretiri.

Baxter has often been criticized for camping it up in the role of Egyptian princess Nefretiri, I personally like her performance and think her over top portrayal is perfect for this movie. In The Ten Commandments, almost everything is larger than life, and if Baxter were to have given a more restrained performance, she would have been lost in the shuffle. It's just not that type of film. I also find it interesting how Nefretiri does a complete 180 as the film progresses; at the beginning she is a rather warm and loving person, but by the movie's end she has been transformed into an icy villainess (as a result of having been scorned by Moses and losing her soon to a plague). Baxter is absolutely chilling in these latter scenes, especially when she taunts Rameses for being weak willed and manipulating him into going after Moses and the Hebrews. 

4) Vincent Price as Baka. 

Vincent Price rules!!! That's really all I have to say about that! Okay, fine, I shall elaborate. Price is an absolutely blast to watch as the slimy overseer Baka, who has his eyes sets on the comely water girl Lilia (Debra Paget). He does a lot of leering and a lot of sneering in his performance and then comes to an untimely end at the hands of Moses; it's not the kind of acting that will give you rave reviews, but it's certainly a lot of fun to watch. Plus, Price is certainly far more livelier than the ultra stiff, John Derek, who plays Lilia's love interest (and Moses right hand man) Joshua. It should be noted that Price and Paget would later be reunited in two Roger Corman movies, Tales of Terror and The Haunted Palace, where they played a married couple.  Take that, Derek.

5) Cedric Hardwicke as Sethi. 

Hardwicke might actually give the most impressive performance in the entire film; he manages to take the rather thankless role of Sethi (Rameses father and Moses' adopted father) and breathe life into it; he brings a lot of warmth to the role, and surprisingly, humor as well. The most heart breaking scene in the entire movie is when Moses is brought before Sethi in chains (after having killed Baka) and he must, reluctantly, punish Moses for his crimes. Yet, he can't bring himself to name a punishment and leaves it to Rameses.  Sethi could have easily been a cold hearted tyrant, yet he is a rather likable character thanks to Hardwicke. 

6) The plagues of Egypt.

When I was a kid, this was also the part of the movie that I looked forward to, because this is when all the neat special effects start to kick in;  from turning the Nile into blood to the Angel of Death (in the form of a green fog) slowly creeping upon the city of Egypt, it makes for some extremely compelling (and often eerie) cinema. Sure, some of the special effects have shown their age, but they are still rather effective in conveying the point DeMille was trying to make. My favorite bit is when Moses picks up a snake and it transforms into a wooden staff. It is a very simple special effect, done with a dissolve, but extremely convincing as well.

7) The Exodus.

The spectacle that is put on display is completely awe inspiring. It's also interesting to note all the mini story lines that are going on in this scene; a woman giving birth, a donkey that refuses to budge, Bithiah (Moses' adopted mother) promising a dying old man that she will plant his fig tree in the new land. Even in all this pageantry, DeMille was able to include the human element. These bits don't have much impact on the main narrative, but they help make it a much more involving experience.

8) The Parting of the Red Sea.

When I first saw this scene when I was six, my jaw completely dropped to the floor. I couldn't believe my eyes. How did they do this special effect? I can only imagine the impact it must have had on audiences in the 1950s, viewing it on the big screen. It is one of the most iconic moments in cinema history. 

9)  The Writing of the Ten Commandments.

This moment is rather fun to watch, despite the rather chintzy effects on display; God appears as a pillar of fire (done with animation) and proceeds to etch out the Ten Commandments on a nearby stone, while Moses is completely awe stuck by the experience.This is juxtapose with the Hebrews wallowing in one huge orgy, after having lost faith in Moses (he has been on the mountain top of Mt. Sinai for forty days).  The lecherous traitor Dathan (Edward G. Robinson) has convinced them to make and  worship a Golden Idol (a calf), under the ruse that the Egyptians would welcome them back with open arms once they saw the gold calf. Naturally, all hell breaks loose once Moses returns and sees just how far his people have fallen. It's over the top to be sure, but all the better for it. Who wants to watching a religious epic where people calmly talk out their problems?  

10) Cecil B. DeMille's direction.

It needs to be said that DeMille's direction is absolutely first rate. I know the very idea of DeMille being a competent director is blasphemy in many film circles, but I stand by my point. DeMille keeps things going at rather brisk pace and allows manages to keep the audience's attention. He also able to create great tension in many scenes simply by showing a character's face, or their body language. In the beginning of the film, Rameses I (Ian Keith) is told about the prophecy of the deliver and orders the execution of every newborn in the slave quarters, this is then followed by the shot of a mother in a complete shock after having just witnessed the murder of her child. This is an extremely effective, and understated, piece of direction; we don't see the murder itself, just the after effect. The camera lingers on the grieving mother's face and that's all we need to know. The other moment is when the Angel of Death descends upon Egypt; what really stands out in this scene is DeMille's use of sound. Moses and company are having dinner indoors, but their meal is constantly interrupted by the sound of chaos emanating from the streets; we hears screams and, at one point, the sound of a chariot crashing. It's an extremely unnerving sequence and it's done without a single special effect. That mark of a good director. 

 Credits

Cast: Charlton Heston (Moses), Yul Brynner (Rameses), Anne Baxter (Nefretiri), Edward G. Robinson (Dathan), Yvonne De Carlo (Sephora), John Derek (Joshua), Debra Paget (Lilia), Nina Foch (Bithiah), Cedric Hardwicke (Sethi), Martha Scott (Yochabel), Vincent Price (Baka), John Carradine (Aaron), Olive Deering (Miriam), Henry Wilcoxon (Pentaur), Judith Anderson (Memnet), Eduard Franz (Jethro), Douglas Dumbrille (Jannes), Julia Faye (Elisheba), Donald Curtis (Mered), Lawrence Dobkin (Hur Ben Caleb), Frank DeKova (Abiram), H.B. Warner (Amminadab), Ian Keith (Rameses I), Woody Strode (King of Ethiopia), Eugene Mazzola (Rameses’ Son), Francis McDonald (Simon),Ramsay Hill (Korah), Joan Woodbury (Korah’s Wife), Henry Brandon (Commander of the Hosts), Babette Bain (Littlie Miriam),  Esther Brown (Princess Tharbis), Fraser Heston (The Infant Moses), John Miljan (The Blind One), Mike Connors (Amalekite Herder), Onslow Stevens (Lugal), Clint Walker (Sardinian Captain), Peter Coe (Egyptian Soldier).  Narrated by Cecil B. DeMille.

Director: Cecil B.DeMille
Screenplay: Æneas MacKenzie, Jesse Lasky Jr., Jack Gariss, Fredric M. Frank.
Running Time:  220 min. 

Hollywood Revue of 1929

It’s hard to criticize a movie like Hollywood Revue of 1929, because it has no story to tell, it is a series of musical numbers and comedy skits strung together over the course of two hours.  It’s the equivalent of watching a high school talent show; the only exception being that the performers are some of biggest stars of the day as opposed to awkward teenagers hoping to make a name for themselves. Indeed, the Hollywood Revue of 1929 was a novelty film to cash in on the latest craze in motion pictures – sound; it was, rather inexplicably, nominated for Best Picture at the 1928/29 Academy Awards (it lost to The Broadway Melody).

For the audience of the time, it must have been pretty jaw dropping to see some of their favorite silence actors speaking and singing on the big screen. In a few cases (specifically and tragically John Gilbert), the voices of the actors did not live up to their silent screen image and their film careers would come to an abrupt end.  The problem is that the novelty has worn out for modern audiences, most of whom are oblivious to half the actors in the cast, and, as a result, Hollywood Revue is an extremely arduous task to sit through; this has more to do with the unimaginative staging (and primitive sound recording) than the actual talent on display.  It is photographed like a stage play, done in complete long shots and extended takes with on occasional close up of the performer to create a dramatic effect.  The camera, for most part, remains stationary throughout the film; there are a few instances where a crane shot is used. Sometimes this stylistic choice can be beneficial, the most memorable example being Laurel and Hardy’s comedy skit, but it gets tiresome really fast. It’s also amazing just how slopping the editing is at the times; the film looks like it was edited with a chainsaw.  The jarring moments are when the position of the chorus girls will slightly change between camera sets up.

There are a few fairly offbeat moments in the movie; the two that really come to mind are William Haines ripping apart Jack Benny’s tuxedo shirt and Bessie Love making her introduction in Jack Benny’s inside coat pocket.  The comedy bit with Haines is extremely odd as if comes completely out of nowhere; The two of them banter back and forth, then Haines starts ripping apart Benny’s shirt.  Bessie Love’s introduction is a stand out moment, because it’s one of the few moments that involve a special effect.  Love is miniaturized in Benny’s pocket and does a little wave to the audience. Benny picks her up, places her on the stage floor, and then she grows to her normal height.  It’s really weird directorial decisions, but at least it’s interesting, if not entirely successful.

The movie, for all its flaws, still manages to have a few memorable moments that make it worthwhile. My favorite bits are the following:

1)      Bessie Love singing, “I Never Knew I Could Do a Thing Like That.”  After seeing Bessie Love in this movie and The Broadway Melody, I’m amazed that she didn't have a bigger career in sound films as she is an absolute joy to watch.  She has a rather lively personality and, more importantly, looks like she’s genuinely having a good time. She certainly comes off a lot better than some of her more famous co-stars; compare her energetic musical number to Joan Crawford’s rather stilted song and dance routine at the beginning of the movie. Her exuberance must have rubbed off on the producers, because she appears again later on the movie, in a musical number (“Marie, Polly, and Bess”) with Marie Dressler and Polly Moran.  While most silent stars were fairly reluctant to embrace sound pictures, Miss Love doesn't seem to have such a hang up; she seems eager to conquer the new medium. In this musical number she sings about the difficulties of transitioning from silents movies to sound movies; it's a very interesting scene to watch, because it's about a very specific moment in cinema history. It essentially encapsulates the anxiety that most Hollywood stars were feeling in 1929. Would they still have a film career by 1930? 

On an interesting side note: Love would make a cameo appearance in the James Bond film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

2)      Laurel and Hardy’s Magic Act.  Hollywood Revue of 1929 is not a classic film, but it is invaluable in that it features an early sound appearance by the great comedy team, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. It’s not necessarily one of their best routines, but it is still rather amusing; Oliver fumbles his way through magic tricks and gets frustrated by Stan’s inattentiveness. It’s interesting to note that Oliver does all the talking, while Stan remains mute throughout the skit. While Stan was usually the quieter of the two, he was still given plenty of dialogue in their later films. This comedy routine feels like a test run for the two comedians; a chance to try out  few ideas and then later perfect them in later films. Was it their original intention that Stan would remain mute in their later sound pictures? Or was this a one time thing? 

 

3)      Gus Edwards singing “Lon Chaney’s Gonna Get You if You Don’t Watch Out.” This is a rather fun number. In it, Gus Edwards warns a couple of comely lasses that if they’re not careful Lon Chaney will snatch them in their sleep, then insanity ensues as a group of male dancers wearing monster masks force the women to dance with them, before they drag them to the bowels of hell. Sure, it’s not political correct, but it’s done with its tongue firmly implanted in its cheek and is fairly well staged.  It is interesting how audiences couldn't divorce Chaney from the horror films he made to the point that he was equated to being the boogeyman; this song isn't about how one of his screen creations is going to get you - NO - Lon Chaney, himself, is going to get you if you don’t watch out.  

4)      The Adagio Dance with the Natova Company.  This dance routine is one of the few times were the stationary camera is actually beneficial to the act being performed onstage. It’s probably the one scene that will have you at edge of your seat. The dance involves a petite woman being swung around like a doll by three male dancers; at point her head is just a fraction of an inch away from crashing into the floor. If this sequence were done in more conventional style, with lots of edits and close ups, the audience would assume there was a lot of fakery involved. Here, there is absolutely no doubt of the authenticity of the routine, because the filmmakers allow it to play out in front of us.

5)      Cliff Edwards and the Brox Sisters performing “Singin’ in the Rain.” This isn’t one of the earliest, if not the earliest, renditions of this song preserved on film, thus making is a historically significant moment. It’s also interesting to note that there’s a midsection (performed by the Brox Sisters) that later versions would omit. It’s also staged in a rather imaginative fashion; the most effect moment being the use of back light to create silhouettes of dancers in raincoats.  The number ends with the dancers ascending an arched stairway to form a silhouetted rainbow. The song is later reprise (in two strip technicolor) by the entire cast at the film's finale.

6)      Jack Benny as the Master of Ceremonies.  Hollywood Revue of 1929 actually has two master of ceremonies, Conrad Nagel and Jack Benny, but Benny comes off a lot better thanks to his brand of self deprecating humor. He is always amusing to watch, even when the jokes are not all that funny.  Nagel, on the other hand, is extremely stiff and looks like he would rather be somewhere else. The filmmakers must have noticed the contrast, because Nagel disappears in the film’s second half, while Benny is given free reign to do whatever he wants.

Leonard Maltin perfectly sums up this movie in his Movie Guide book, “Definitely a curio for film buffs, rough sledding for others.” If you are a fan of classic movies, especially from the silent era, then this movie is definitely worth a look.  It can be tedious at times, but there are enough moments to make it worth your while.

Credits

Cast:  Conrad Nagel (Master of Ceremonies), Jack Benny (Master of Ceremonies), Cliff Edwards, Bessie Love, Joan Crawford, John Gilbert, Norma Shearer, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Marie Dressler, Polly Moran, Gus Edwards, Buster Keaton, Lionel Barrymore, Anita Page, Charles King, Marion Davies, William Haines, Karl Dane, The Brox Sisters.

Director: Charles Reisner.
Screenplay: Al Boasberg, Robert E. Hopkins, Joseph Farnham.
Running Time:  120 min.

The 10 Most (Unintentionally) Hilarious “Documentaries” Ever Made.

1) Overlords of the UFO (1976)

Dir: G. Brook Stanford
One of the most insane pieces of film making ever committed to celluloid. It’s really hard to describe Overlords of the UFO, because it rarely makes any sense.  There is a five minute section devoted to show casing Uri Geller’s amazing “psychic” abilities; he bends a couple of keys and restarts a couple of watches. How does this relate to the subject of UFOS?  Well, apparently Geller witnessed a UFO a few years earlier. There are very little facts on display, but endless speculation which we are assured is “some of the best.”

 Here are just some of the highlights:

1) A simulated conversation between to airline pilots as they discuss UFOs. This is achieved through stock footage of an airplane and voice overs.

2) Footage of an obviously fake UFO trailing after a commercial airliner.

3) The Uri Geller sequence.

4) A letter from NASA that reads, "It is not in our charter to investigate the UFO."

5) The Space Voyage From Ummo sequence. Supposedly, an alien race from the planet Ummo contacted a select few people on Earth. 

2) The Incredible Discovery of Noah’s Ark (1993)

Dir: Henning Schlerrup
One of the funniest programs ever broadcasted on network television, The Incredible Discovery of Noah’s Ark is hosted by an overly enthusiastic Darren McGavin, as he, with entire array of biblical scholars and eye witnesses, prove once and for all that Noah’s Ark is real and that it lies on top of Mt. Ararat in Turkey. The viewers are treated to some awe-inspiring re-enactment of Noah and his family as they build the ark, and by “awe-inspiring” I mean laugh inducing, as I have seen high school plays with better production values than this program.  It is all incredibly cheap looking with horrible make up and extremely stiff performances.

 This “documentary” made headlines when it was revealed that one of its main witnesses, Charles Jammal, was a hoaxer. In his eye witness testimony, Jammal recounts he discovered the Ark with a friend and the plans they had in store once they got back to civilization, but all that was dashed when his best friend plummeted to his death, while trying to get a better picture of the Ark.  He carelessly took one too many steps backwards and fell to his death. Distraught, Jammal couldn’t go through with the plans, but he did take a piece of the Ark as a souvenir.  It was later revealed that this souvenir was, in fact, a piece of wood soaked in teriyaki sauce and baked in an oven to give it an ancient look. As history, The Incredible Discovery of Noah’s Ark is pure rubbish, as a comedy, it’s one of the best.

3) Bigfoot: Man or Beast? (1975)

Dir: Lawrence Crowley
I haven’t actually seen this documentary in many years, but there are also two things that always stuck out to me:
1) The annoying harmonica soundtrack. Whenever there is a driving sequence, the filmmakers will blare this on the soundtrack hoping that it will quicken the pace; instead it is more likely to give you a splitting head ache.

2) All of the “exciting” things occur off camera. This is a recurring trend in this movie: an expedition member will talk about how they saw something in the woods, while the camera was recording something else; usually two other members as they argue about what their next move should be. 

There is also the usual gallery of eye witnesses; one lady claims that she used to play catch with Bigfoot. The viewer is constantly teased into believing something exciting is about to happen, only to have their hopes completely deflated. The movie ends with the expedition having to pack up due to a huge forest fire. Nothing is achieved!  Bigfoot: Man or Beasts? is the precursor to such modern documentaries like Monster Quest and Finding Bigfoot.  These shows are the ultimate form of ballyhoo; they promise something big, but always disappoint. Monster Quest, despite its hype and flashy CGI recreations, always ends on an anti-climactic note; a Cryptozoologist will turn to camera and say, “Just because we didn't find evidence of Bigfoot, it doesn't mean he’s not real.”

4) Star Wars: The Magic and the Mystery (1997)

Dir: Thomas C. Grane
This special aired on FOX in 1997 to promote the upcoming re-release of Stars Wars. It was also the first sign that George Lucas had completely lost his mind; this is when he unleashed the special editions onto the unsuspecting world. It's a nice piece of propaganda that assures  Stars Wars faithful that they will absolutely LOVE the new additions Lucas has made. Everyone kisses George Lucas's ass!!!  The only time anything negative is uttered is to express just how lame the original Star Wars was. 

However, none of that can compare to the hilariously stiff narration provided by Howie Long. In the opening, Long tells the viewer how excited he is that Star Wars is back in the theatres. Sure you are, Howie! Long strikes me as the kind of guy that habitually beat up on Star Wars fans back in the heyday (He was in high school when the first one came out). I can just picture a young Howie Long giving a swirly to an awkward teenager wearing a Luke Skywalker T-shirt. You’re not fooling any one, Howie!   Still, the sight of him struggling to read cue cards is truly a sight to behold.  “Twenty years ago….Star Wars swept..the..country….”

5) The Legend of Boggy Creek (1972)

Dir: Charles B. Pierce
It might not be fair to include The Legend of Boggy Creek on this list because, unlike Bigfoot: Man or Beast?, it never really sets out to prove the existence of the Fouke monster (The Skunk Ape), but rather recount the numerous sighting of the creature throughout the decades.  There is no pointless expedition to find the beast, just lots of cheesy re-enactments for our viewing pleasure.  However, since it is told in a documentary like fashion (interviews, re-enactments), it is definitely deserving of our derision, especially once it was revealed that the interviewees in the film are really actors playing local townsfolk. Oddly enough, there are some genuinely effective moments in the film; like the Fouke Monster laying siege to two teenage girls in a trailer house.  On the other hand, it also has one of the funniest moments in horror history; the Fouke Monster trying to get at a guy, decked in long johns, on the toilet.  The camera lingers on the outside of the house for a few seconds; the man's head is framed though a window as he does his business.  Suddenly, a hairy hand pops into frame and knocks the window out of its frame, thus scaring the poor guy completely shitless, and I mean that in a literal sense. The hillbilly pulls up his long johns and tumbles out of the bathroom.

6) Mysteries of the Ancient World (1994)

Dir: Doug Campbell

The kind of documentary that asks a lot of questions, but doesn't offer up a single answer, Mysteries of the Ancient World tackles four distinct subjects:  The Pyramids of Giza, Nostradamus, The Bermuda Triangle, and the Shroud of Turin, and completely poo poos the scientific community.  For instance, Mysteries of the Ancient World, advocates the idea that it was ancient aliens (in this case, martians) that built the pyramids, while casually dismissing the claims of Egyptologists, you know, people that actually spent their entire careers studying Ancient Egypt.  The ancient alien proponents are given significantly more screen time than traditional scholars and presented in much more favorable light; the interview with the sole Egyptologist is edited in a such way that she comes off as completely stubborn and closed minded.  Whenever, we see her dismiss other possible theories, we naturally want to see her get knocked off her high horse. The documentary gives the appearance of being balanced in its opinions, yet the Egyptologist is never given any real opportunity to present her case. Darren McGavin (why?) once again is given hosting duties and does them in a remarkably efficient and straight faced manner.  

7-10) Ancient Prophecies I-IV (1994 -1996) 

Dir: Graeme Whifler
 A dour David McCallum warns us that, “time may be running out,” and various people from all walks of life share their visions about the upcoming apocalypse.  From 1994 to 1997, NBC aired four Ancient Prophecies specials to cash in on the “Y2K” trend.  Most of the “prophets” that are interviewed all point to the year 2000 as being a pivotal moment in human history. The predictions range from the vague (“Earthquakes will hit the west coast.”) to the ridiculously absurd (“Atlantis will rise up out of the ocean.”) It wouldn’t be an ancient prophecies documentary without a reference to the most famous prophet of them all, Nostradamus. Naturally, the “experts” on his writings all offer up their interpretations as to what he has to say about the future and, not too surprisingly, they are in a complete disagreement. It’s amazing how Nostradamus predictions only make sense after the fact, but that is a different article altogether.   What I find amazing about this documentary is this: not a single one of these psychics that were interviewed predicted 9/11 and the war on terror. These psychics pride themselves on their ability to forecast the future, yet none of these interviewees were able to predict one of the greatest disasters in United States history.  Amazing!  

Batman (1943)

What is Ming the Merciless doing in a Batman movie? Playing a gun toting miner, of course. This is one of many surprises that pop up in the 1943 movie serial Batman.  Ming was played by the great character actor, Charles Middleton, and it’s rather amusing to see him in a rather incidental role as opposed to the main villain (which was his specialty). He turns up just long enough to be blown up in a mine explosion.                

Batman was the first screen adaptation of the comic book and, as a result, it’s a rather raw take on the character; he is not the dark, brooding vigilante that we know today, but rather a fairly jovial and extremely fallible super hero.  In the Christopher Nolan adaptations, Batman is able take out the villain’s henchmen without breaking a sweat, but in this serial he is constantly getting his ass handed to him. The biggest flaw of this Batman is that he is pure impulse; he almost never takes the time to scope out the area and strategize a plan for capturing the villains. Instead, he just rushes head first into a room and naturally assumes that he can handle the situation on his own. It would certainly be beneficial for him to know how many men are in a room, or where the villains have hidden Linda Page, his supposed fiancée.  He is completely oblivious to the dangers that are in store for him and is too reliant on Robin to bail him out. This is a typical scene: Batman and Robin spot one of Daka’s lackeys walking into the building. Batman runs in after him and gets knocked out for his efforts. The lackeys leave Batman to his grisly fate, Robin arrives just in the nick of time to save him. It is amazing in a serial titled Batman that Robin is the one who ends up saving the day. 

That’s right; Batman isn't allowed to be the hero in his first screen appearance. It is a rather baffling decision on the part of writers and the director. Who wants to watch a movie where Robin triumphs at the end? The answer: NO ONE. Of course, I can only speak for myself, as a kid I absolutely loathed the character of Robin and hated how he compromised the sheer awesomeness of Batman. Why is The Dark Knight hanging around with this annoying little bastard? Granted, Robin in this serial (as portrayed by Douglas Croft) is not nearly as abrasive as Burt Ward’s interpretation in the sixties television series, but still, he does grow a bit tiresome as the story progresses.  

It should also be noted that Batman’s code of not killing is nowhere to be found in this film. In fact, the film has a fairly high body count; Daka loses almost half of his henchmen due to Batman’s interference. Though, most of the deaths are an indirect consequence of Batman's actions. There is, however, a scene in which Batman knocks out two men in the back of an armored car and makes no attempt to save them as it goes careening off a cliff. Though, this was fairly common place in the Batman comic books at the time, as well. There’s actually one story, “Dr. Hugo Strange and the Mutant Monsters,” where Batman hangs one of Strange’s creations at the climax. 

Lewis Wilson was the first actor (and still the youngest) to play Batman on the big screen and his casting is a double edged sword; he makes for a terrific Bruce Wayne. He looks uncannily like the Bruce Wayne in the comic books at the time.  There is also a fun section in the serial in which he disguises himself as a hoodlum, Chuck White, so he can infiltrate Daka’s criminal underworld. Wilson is absolutely a joy to watch in these moments; his Bruce Wayne is a rather lazy and foppish fellow, and is largely played for laughs.

Unfortunately, once he dons the cape and cowl, our suspension of disbelief evaporates right in front of our eyes. Wilson was a handsome actor, but a model for physical fitness he was not. It doesn’t help that he’s laden with a chintzy costume that accentuates his flabby physique. This is one case where adding fake muscles to the costume would have greatly benefited the actor. Though, it does help explain why Batman is constantly getting owned by puny henchmen…well, except for at the serial’s climax when he has no problem handling a group of them. 

 Wilson would retire from acting at a fairly young age and, reportedly, was complete embarrassment by his involvement in this serial. It is too bad as he gives, despite his paunch belly, a rather lively performance.  He may lack the intensity (and the ripped physique) of Christian Bale, but he’s a lot more fun to watch.

J. Carrol Naish hams it up as the sadistic villain, Prince Daka. This serial was made during the height of World War II, so it’s not too surprising that its main villain is mad Japanese doctor out to control the world. It is a fairly xenophobic piece of work and it’s filled with all kinds of racial slurs; in the serial’s opening the narrator refers to Japanese people as being “shifty eyed” and when Linda Page meets Daka for the first time, she exclaims in sheer terror, “A Jap!”  These scenes are fairly uncomfortable for modern day viewers, though they are so ridiculously over the top that it’s hard to take them seriously.  Daka has developed a machine that can transform people into super strong zombies that obey only his commands, yet he only uses it on two elderly gentlemen and Linda Page. He is about to brainwash Batman, but Robin intervenes.  His main goal is to get his hands on a supply of radium that he needs to power his super ray gun. He also has a colorful way of disposing of his enemies; dropping them into a pit of alligators.  Hmmmm…I wonder if that is somehow going to play a part in his demise?  Also, in a fairly clever touch, Daka’s layer is hidden inside a House of Horrors.

Shirley Patterson is a beautiful actress and does what the script asks of her, which isn’t very much. The character of Linda Page is a fairly useless and forgettable; her main function is to get captured so Batman can rescue her.  In fact, her engagement to Bruce Wayne comes off as an afterthought; it isn’t until Chapter 13 that it is revealed she is his fiancée.  Up until this revelation, it is never made clear what their relationship is to one another. How does she know Bruce?  Half of the time, Linda seems to have the utmost contempt for Bruce Wayne and his “leisurely” lifestyle. Why the hell would she agree to marry such a guy? When her character isn't stumbling into trouble, she is nowhere to be seen.  The whole fiancée subplot is totally contrived and doesn't feel natural to the overall story line; Linda and Bruce are engaged because the script demands it.  Interestingly enough, Patterson, using the name of Shawn Smith, would experience her greatest success in the fifties, starring in the Universal thriller, The Land Unknown, and the cult classic, It! The Terror From Beyond Space.

Douglas Croft is probably the best realized screen Robin; it helps that he is actually the right age. Robin is an irritating character, but Croft makes the most of the material he is given. It is to his credit that you don’t roll your eyes ever time Robin utters a line.  Hell, at least he is of actual use to Batman as opposed to other incarnations of Robin, whom mainly just got in the way.  Croft, sadly, passed away at the young age of 37. 

Batman is far from being a great piece of cinema and, especially when compared to the action films of today, it is often extremely corny and dated. Yet, part of its charm is that it offers the modern day a viewer a glimpse into the world (and mindset) of 1943. It may not overwhelm you, but it moves along at a fairly fast pace (thanks to Lambert Hillyer’s efficient direction) and is actually more tightly plotted that most movie serials from the time period. It is definitely worth a look as a piece of nostalgia. Also, it is more beneficial to watch it over the course of a couple of days, instead in one sitting; it will seem far less redundant.

Credits

Cast: Lewis Wilson (Bruce Wayne/Chuck White/Batman), Douglas Croft (Dick Grayson/Robin), J. Carrol Naish (Prince Daka), Shirley Patterson (Linda Page), William Austin (Alfred), Charles Middleton (Ken Colton), Charles C. Wilson (Police Captain Arnold).

Director: Lambert Hillyer
Screenplay: Victor McLeod, Leslie Swabacker, Harry L. Fraser. Based off the comic book character by Bob Kane. 

Running Time: 260 min [15 episodes]

The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965)

I am not a religious person, yet I absolute enjoy biblical epics.  There are two primary reasons for this:

1)      Nostalgia. I grew up in a Christian home and watching The Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur was an Easter tradition in my family. The Ten Commandments had far greater appeal for me as a kid, because it was the more colorful of the two movies. 

2)      Spectacle.  Biblical epics are rarely great pieces of art, in fact, for all their moralizing they tend to be a bit hollow. The really appeal in these films in this the spectacle on display; the exotic locations, huge sets, big casts, and, most important of all, the larger than life characters. Biblical epics are essentially super hero movies set in ancient times - the only difference is that instead of taking on colorful supervillains, the protagonists in these films are often pitted against tyrannical rulers.  In The Ten Commandments, it was Moses vs. Rameses. In Ben-Hur, it was Judah Ben-Hur  vs. the Roman Massala. And in The Greatest Story Ever Told, it is Jesus vs. well just about everyone.  

The Greatest Story Ever Told was not the first movie to chronicle the life of Jesus, Cecil B. DeMille directed The King of Kings in 1927, nor is it even the best, Franco Zeffirelli’s mini-series Jesus of Nazareth and the DeMille movie are vastly superior, but it is arguably the most compelling movie out of the bunch, largely due to all the talent both in front and behind the camera.  It was directed by a top flight filmmaker in George Stevens, who had helmed such classics like Gunga Din, A Place in the Sun, Giant, and The Diary of Anne Frank. It was Stevens goal to create the definitive version of the life of Jesus by doing it in a straight forward manner; earlier adaptations were usually laden with unnecessary subplots (Nicholas Ray’s King of Kings), or Jesus was usually a supporting character and the film revolved around how he affected a change in the main character (Ben-Hur, The Robe).  The DeMille film, as entertaining as it is, surprisingly omits some of the more memorable aspects of the Jesus story line; it glosses over the virgin birth, there is no nativity scene, and the character of John the Baptist is nowhere to be found.  Stevens wanted to make his adaptation as authentic as possible; he drew his main inspiration from the scriptures themselves. 

The greatest strength of the earlier adaptations was their ability to condense the gospels into a cohesive narrative; unfortunately, this does not apply to The Greatest Story Ever Told. It is often a muddled and, for what was a very personal project, aloof in its presentation.  It is a beautiful movie to look at (not surprising since Stevens began his career as a cameraman) but it’s an extremely overpopulated film - it is often too busy playing “spot the star” that, as a result, many crucial characterizations suffer because they are not given room to breathe.  This is the biggest criticism that is leveled against The Greatest Story Ever Told; it’s all star cast often has the effect of negating an entire scene. Take the crucifixion scene:  Stevens effectively depicts the darkest moments in history by very subtly turning the sky dark; the scene is done one long take. What should be very sad moment and touching moment is reduced to unintended comedy when you a hear John Wayne (he plays a Roman Centurion) drawl on the soundtrack, “Truly this man was the son of God.”  It completely takes you out of the scene and undermines the mood that Stevens so effectively captured on film. 

This is problem that plagues the entire film, because a lot of the big name actors don’t really have a role to play, they are just there to be seen.  On other hand, some of the stunt casting is surprisingly effective, especially Charlton Heston as the prophet, John the Baptist. At this point in his career, Heston had already played Moses and, even though he won an Oscar for Ben-Hur, it was (and still is) his most signature role, and it is clear that Stevens had this in mind when he cast Heston in the role of John the Baptist. While Heston is playing John the Baptist, we as an audience see it more as Moses handing the reins over to Jesus (Max von Sydow). It is a scene that plays on the audience’s familiarity with Heston’s earlier films and it works extraordinarily well. 

Other performance that I like: Donald Pleasance is sufficiently creepy as Satan.  Sal Mineo is extremely convincing as Uriah, the cripple that Jesus heals.  Joseph Schildkraut brings a lot of warmth to the character of Nicodemus, a member of the Sanhedrin who is sympathetic to Jesus’ cause. Interestingly enough, Schildkraut played Judas in DeMille’s The King of Kings. He was effectively slimy in that film, while in The Greatest Story Ever Told, he is beacon of kindness. Gary Raymond is fairly effective as Peter, especially in the scene in which he denies Christ three times before the “cock crows.”  Best of all is Jose Ferrer as the decadent rule Herod Antipas, the man who has John the Baptist beheaded. The acting, overall, is fairly efficient; the main problem is that a lot of performances get lost in the shuffle.  For example, Roddy McDowall is a good actor, but he’s absolutely wasted in the role of the Matthew. He makes a pretty strong impression in his first scene and then is promptly forgotten about. David McCallum is miscast as Judas, but gives it his all. The problem is that film never really offers a convincing explanation as to why Judas would betray Jesus; it happens in a blink of an eye. Dorothy McGuire is a good actress, but she’s a poor choice for the role of the Virgin Mary. She certainly isn’t helped by the script; she has no dialogue and is relegated to a piece of scenery. Stevens could have easily replaced her with a wax sculpture and no one would be any the wiser.

Max von Sydow was certainly an odd choice to play the role of Jesus, but he is pretty effective in the role, though his Jesus is often a very distant character; lacking the warmth that H.B. Warner and Robert Powell managed to bring to the role.  His most effective moment is when he sheds a tear after he is confronted by Martha, the sister of Lazarus. Lazarus has just died and Martha wonders how Jesus could be neglectful towards a friend, while jumping to the aid of complete strangers. It is one of the few effective moments in the film; Jesus is at a complete loss for words, sheds a tear, and then proceeds to resurrect Lazarus. 

As spectacle The Greatest Story Ever Told in, indeed, a sight to behold. Its visuals are beautiful to look at and even awe-inspiring at times.  My favorite scene being: the camera gives us a bird’s eye view of Jerusalem and then, through a series of dissolves, tracks over to a remote spot in the desert where John the Baptist is baptizing new converts while preaching the word of God.  It’s an extremely effective transition and offers up a nice way to introduce a new character to the story. The other moment that stands out is the resurrection of Lazarus; Stevens doesn't actually show the resurrection itself, but rather focuses on the witnesses to the event and how it effects them.  We are shown close ups of different spectators, then three of them (Uriah, Old Aram, and Bar Amand) take off to inform the people of the miracle that had just witnessed.

Yet, as effective as The Greatest Story Ever Told is as spectacle, it is absolutely falls flat in the dramatic department. It is, surprisingly, uninvolving at times, especially in the first half hour. The problem I have with the film is that there really is no character the audience can empathize with; the characters of Mary and Joseph are so poorly defined that it’s really hard to care about their plight. Stevens is banking on the audience’s familiarity with the Gospels and is hoping they will fill in the blanks, essentially he is saying, “To hell with character development.”  The film tells us very little about the actual characters, but we’re supposed to care about them because the Bible tells us so.  It’s interesting to compare The Greatest Story Ever Told to the much superior Jesus of Nazareth; they are similar in a few respects, both are directed by acclaimed filmmakers and feature an all star cast, but the latter is a much more moving experience (despite its six hour length), because Franco Zeffirelli actually takes the time to develop the characters. The first hour of the movie is devoted to the characters of Joseph and Mary. The audience genuinely fears for their safety, because the film has given us their back story.  Plus, it also helps that Yorgo Voyagis gives a likable and compassionate performance as Joseph.  Robert Loggia, on the other hand, mutters a few lines and then disappears from the movie.

This is the extent of Robert Loggia's performance. 

George Stevens, very curiously, uses very little closes up in the entire movie; almost everything is done in long shots and extended takes. This works extremely well in crowd scenes, like in the crucifixion and the Last Supper, but becomes a hindrance during smaller, more dramatic scenes that are cluttered with dialogue. It’s often hard to make out who is doing the talking. For instance, the scene in which Jesus heals a leper woman (Shelley Winters) is an epic failure, because:

1)      We have no idea who the woman is until she proclaims, “I’m cured!”  There is nothing to distinguish her from the rest of the crowd, Jesus just happens to bump into her and the next thing you know she is praising him aloud.

2)      Jesus’s reaction to the miracle is one of complete indifference. He tells the lady that her faith has cured and the goes on his way.

The Greatest Story Ever Told should be the kind of film that elicits tears and applause from the audience, instead we kind of just shrug our shoulders and say, “That was okay.”  The Greatest Ever Told is on par with sitting in the nose bleeds seats of heavily hyped sporting event. At first you are revved to be there, but very soon boredom settles in because you can't tell what is going on in the game. Occasionally something exciting will happen, but then the doldrums set back in. It is not a complete waste of your time, but given the talent involved, it should have been phenomenal.  

Credits

Cast: Max von Sydow (Jesus), Charlton Heston (John the Baptist), Dorothy McGuire (The Virgin Mary), Jose Ferrer (Herod Antipas), Gary Raymond (Peter),  David McCallum (Judas), Martin Landau (Caiaphas), Telly Savalas (Pontius Pilate), Sal Mineo (Uriah), Joanna Dunham (Mary Magdalene), Victor Buono (Sarak), Donald Pleasance (The Dark Hermit-Satan), Ina Balin (Martha of Bethany), Janet Margolin (Mary of Bethany), Michael Tolan (Lazarus), Michael Anderson, Jr. (James the Younger), Joseph Schildkraut (Nicodemus), Van Heflin (Bar Amand), Ed Wynn (Old Aram), Claude Rains (King Herod),Robert Loggia (Joseph), John Considine (John), Roddy McDowall (Matthew), Sidney Poitier (Simon of Cyrene), Angela Lansbury (Claudia),  Abraham Sofaer (Joseph of Arimathaea), Robert Blake (Simon the zealot), Jamie Farr (Thaddeus), Paul Stewart (Questor), John Wayne (Roman at crucifixion), Shelley Winters (Woman who is healed), Nehemiah Persoff (Shemiah), Carroll Baker (Veronica), Richard Conte (Barrabas), Pat Boone (Angel at tomb), Russell Johnson (Scribe), Frank Silvera (Caspar).

Director: George Stevens
Screenplay: James Lee Barrett, George Stevens, Carl Sandburg (uncredited).
Running Time:  199 min.