King Kong vs. Godzilla: The Remake

Gareth Edwards' Godzilla reboot has made a substantial amount at the box office and it has already been announced that there is going to be a sequel. The question is: What can they possibly do for a sequel? The answer is obvious - REMAKE King Kong Vs. Godzilla. I'm no talking about a gritty, bad ass remake, I'm talking a shot for shot, scene for scene remake of the 1963 Toho monster brawl. I'm sure you are thinking, "That's blasphemy! King Kong Vs. Godzilla is a classic!" Okay, you probably were not thinking that! In fact, you were more than likely thing the exact opposite, and that's my point, King Kong Vs. Godzilla is ripe for a remake as it is one incredibly bad movie. Hell, it's bad even for a Godzilla movie!

It's marred by one of the worst looking King Kong suits in cinema history; hell, it wouldn't cut mustard in a kindergarten pageant. It looks like director Ishiro Honda and Toho special effects crew dusted off whatever moth eaten ape suit they could find and figured that it was good enough. Not to mention, Kong's arms inexplicable change in length through the course of the movie; in one scene they are fairly stubby and in the next they are incredibly long. Kong looks more like a giant, furry mutation than an actual ape.

However, the only way to do this remake right would be to retain the silliness of the original film; a gritty reboot would look absolutely ridiculous. Part of the original's charm is it's wacky sense of humor; my favorite part being when Mr. Tako, the head of a pharmaceutical company, shouts, "King Kong can't make a monkey out of us." The last thing I want in a remake is a group of miserable people who look all sullen while two behemoths duke it out on the streets of Tokyo. King Kong vs.Godzilla is a silly premise, therefore it requires a campy approach to the material. Therefore, I humbly suggest that Edward just xerox the script of the original film and upgrade its visual effects. Leave in the subplot about the magic berries that make Kong sleepy! The sight of a CG Kong getting stoned off of berry juice would be absolutely incredible! On the other hand, please change the end. It always irked me that Kong emerges triumphant in the end! I wanted Godzilla to vaporize that walking carpet!! C'mon Edwards, make it happen!

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